As your child goes from toddler to youngster to tween to teenager, something in what you say gets lost in translation. They can give you that blank stare as if the words that are coming out of your mouth sound like the unseen teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons.  Getting teenagers to talk is key in connecting with them — and learning how to listen to them will keep the connection strong.

It’s not easy to improve the communication bridges with a teen but it’s important to try to get through as these years and the choices they make now will have a vital impact on their future.

Here are a few for getting teenagers to talk :

1. Watch your body language.   How you move says a lot about you. When a person is tired, they tend to slump. When angered, your jaw muscles tighten and your eyes narrow into slits.  Believe it or not, teenagers are good at interpreting body language. Yours will betray you when you are around your teen.  Try to  avoid sitting with your arms crossed, eyes looking away from them or squirming in your seat when your teen is talking.

3. Keep your emotions in check.  When it comes to getting teenagers to talk it is important to keep your emotions under control.  Can you  remember back to when you were a teenager?  Do you remember saying things that you really didn’t mean just to get a rise out of your parents?  Teenagers will push your buttons if they can so it is important that you check your emotions.   

4. Ask them about their day.  When working on getting teenagers to talk, don’t overlook the obvious — Talk to them.  Each afternoon/evening upon seeing your teen after school and/or work ask your teen about their day.  Even if your teen only grunts or says the obligatory, “It was okay”, ask anyway.  Part of the battle to getting teenagers to talk  starts off with just showing that you care about the ‘everday stuff’.   It will also show them that you are interested in the things that they do and how they feel.

5. Be honest with them.  If you don’t understand the situation they are talking about then say so. Kids know when you are being insincere. Discuss the situation until you get an idea of where they are coming from. Your teen won’t mind explaining as long as they know you are listening.  At times, this is one of the best ways of getting teenagers to talk!  Have them explain something to you that you really don’t understand.

Parenting a teenager takes a tough skin, a willingness to be vulnerable and lots of love. You will make mistakes but whatever you do, don’t ever stop talking.  Getting teenagers to talk honestly about whats going on with them is very important and always the key to having a healthy parent teen relationship.

Besides friends, the media and society are all around us. They broadcast their view of what “beautiful” is to the world. It is easy for adults to get caught up in that. Just look at the number of adult cases of anorexia and bulimia. It is not as common as teenage cases but it is there for men and women.

If adults have a hard time with self-esteem and body image then teens will too. There are so many hormones raging at the same time that their bodies are changing by leaps and bounds. The hardest part to accept is that the internal changes are going on without their permission. Psychological conditions like anorexia and bulimia give back a measure of control over their bodies that many teens crave.

But, there are other ways to exert that control and it all begins with you, the parent. It begins in early childhood. Right from the start do what you can to teach your child that they are beautiful and validated. Here are some tips.

• Offer positive feedback to your teen – When they buy a new outfit, complement them on their choice even if you don’t much like the color. That is a personal preference and they are allowed to express themselves and their style.
• Promote physical activity – This doesn’t have to be structured exercise. Instead spend time each day doing an outdoor activity as a family. Your child will get used to physical activity and see it as a way to have fun and release stress in the process. Consider an after dinner walk with the family to discuss how your day has been.
• Offer healthy food choices in the house – When healthy food is always on the menu, there is no reason to look at food in a negative light. Sure, it’s okay to eat sugary sweets in moderation and they can learn that within the household.
• Teach your children about food – Most kids love to cook. It gives you a chance to take a break from fixing meals and also to teach your child about the components of foods. Allow them to taste the natural flavor of fresh vegetables and fruits without added condiments. Discuss how fats add empty calories but a few are fine in moderation.
• Avoid negative talk about food – This can make your child feel guilty every time they eat a certain food. It can result in them still eating it but hiding it from you. That sets them up for negative body images of themselves.
• Empower them – No matter what they want to do, they can do it if they put their mind to it. This means breaking into a “boys only” sport or running for student body president. Instill confidence in them and their abilities.
• Discuss societal views – Teens have questions. The best place to get answers is from you. Talk about how they feel towards society’s idea of perfect and normal. Let them know that they are allowed to be an individual and inject their style into society. 
• Get them involved in the community – Taking part in empowerment seminars, youth organizations and community service helps them to see and be a part of the world outside of them. By focusing on others and helping them, you increase good internal feelings about who you are. It helps to put all of life into a realistic perspective.

Body image is a psychological picture of who you are. As a parent, strengthening that view from the beginning is important for your child. It can also help you to let go of any negative self-image issues that you might have. A child is a blank slate. Encourage them to be all they can be and happy in the skin they are in.

Here are some Easy Breakfast Recipes for all kids

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1.  Give your child choices.  Hopefully, you’ve been giving your child power over his or her own life in small ways all along, so that by the time your child becomes a teen, it is simply a natural progression.  If not, it’s okay to change the rules.  Let your teen know that you want him or her to have more control over his or her own life.  Give your teens choices that make them in control of their own lives.

2.  Let your child have a voice.  No, they aren’t in charge…and no, you don’t have to give a voice to rudeness or obnoxious behavior.  But if your child has an opinion, value him or her by listening – and considering.  Your child needs to feel like a valuable member of your family.

3.  You are the parent and the adult.  You have the power to end conversations when they turn into arguments; you have the emotional maturity to stay calm and reasonable when your child does not and cannot. 

4.  Your behavior sets a far more effective example to your child than your words.  Your overreaction, emotional outbursts, and violent reactions teach them that that is acceptable behavior.  Your ability to stay calm (count to ten, walk away, bite your tongue) teaches your child responsible mature behavior and gives them emotional management tools.

5.  Don’t do everything for your child.  When they have needs, help them learn how to meet their needs on their own.  Teach your child how to do laundry, cook, and clean (of course this may vary depending on the age of your child).  Don’t make it a chore; make it a fun way to help your child gain independence.  Stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

6.  You will reach your child more effectively by listening instead of talking.  Make sure your child knows you are there – and don’t just say you’re there, mean it.  Be available when your child needs to talk; make choices in your own life that demonstrate to your child his or her importance in your life.

7.  Don’t try to solve all of your childs’ problems. Instead of reacting with “You should do this” ask your child what they think should be done.  Praise your childs’ ability to think things through, guide them where necessary, and let them know you trust them to make the right choices.  The belief and faith you have in your child helps motivate them to make the right choices.  Again,  stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

8.  Whether it’s a new concept in your house or something you’ve been doing all along, be consistent.  Behaviors should have consequences (good and bad).  Praise positive behavior and enforce consequences for negative behavior.

9.  Recognize that your child is not a bad person even when he or she is making bad choices.  Choose your words carefully – never call your child a derogatory name.  Address the choice they made, give consequences because of the choice.

10.  Treat your child as an individual.  Respect your child, recognize that while this is your child, he or she is also well on the way to being a unique and independent individual.  When you treat your children with respect, you set an example they can follow with you and others in life.

Following as many of these top ten tips for parents as you can and you will soon seen a positive change in the relationship that you have with your children.

I have organized a totally free coaching class where I will share strategies with you that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles your kids face.  It is totally free and is chock full of useful information that you can use immediately!  Sign up and perhaps there will be just one less whining adult in the world because of it.

I can sum up today’s topic with this statement:

Moms, stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults.

Think about it — if you always run to your child’s side, fight their battles and fix everything for them, how will they ever learn to stand up for themselves and figure things out with confidence?

During today’s show I am talking about how jumping in too soon to fight your child’s battles actually cripples them throughout their childhood and into their adult lives as well. I am also sharing a few tips on how you can help to boost your child’s inner strength and give them the tools that they need to fight their own battles and make good decisions.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for the past week and my most recent blog entry ‘Nobody Likes a Whiner‘ has sparked up quite a good conversation.

Be sure to listen to the entire show because I have a big announcement. I am hosting a totally Free Coaching Class on Thursday, February 2nd at 9:00pm Eastern. You can sign up for that class by clicking on this link–> http://www.reallifecoaching.net/class/

During the class I will be sharing strategies that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles our kids face.

Here are some tips on how teens can find a part-time job, things to consider, and some of the things to expect.

Transportation

Consider how your teen is going to get to and from his or her job. If your teen is not driving, or if you don’t have a vehicle you can spare, take that into consideration before your teen applies for a particular job.

How Many Hours?

Twenty hours a week is the average for a part-time job, but your teen’s other activities and schoolwork should be taken into consideration, too. If he or she only has 10 hours a week to devote to work, then babysitting or yard work might be good choices.

Studies have shown that teens who work more than 20 hours a week tend to flag behind in schoolwork and experience more fatigue due to lack of sleep. Other studies point to between 10 and 15 hours per week as the ideal number of hours for teens to gain the advantages of employment without sacrificing school and social life.

What Kinds of Jobs?

As noted above, babysitting and yard work are popular first jobs for teens. Today, there are online jobs, too. Transcription, writing web content, running a blog, and so forth are all legitimate part-time jobs, and your teen can pick and choose based on how many hours your teen has available.

Speaking of online jobs, your teen can also set up his or her own business online. He can manage a web content company and hire other teens to write for him, or he can set up an informational niche website. There are forums and organizations online devoted to helping teens start up their own businesses.

Handmade items and crafts are on the rise. Artisan foods are a hot item these days, as are hand-sewn bags and bath products. Your teen can set up a website to sell his or her products, or use online tools like eBay. Also, local retailers might be willing to sell items for a percentage of the sale price.

Income

How much your teen can expect to make does, of course, depend on the job and the number of hours. It’s important to be realistic here, too; your teen may be working for minimum wage at only 10 hours a week. But experience is invaluable, and your teen does not have the life expenses that adults do, such as grocery and utility bills.

Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen This toolkit offers parenting help and help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen.

This “sedentary behavior” had a profound effect on the teens’ sleep quality. Teens who exercised instead of spending time in front of the computer reported sleeping for eight hours or more, while the sedentary teens got insufficient sleep.

Teens are a special concern regarding exercise and sleep. There are several reasons for this, such as the following:

• Teens are more likely to spend recreational time in front of a computer.
• Teens tend to stay up late due to homework and/or circadian rhythm changes.
• Teens actually need more sleep per night (between nine and ten hours) than the average adult. 
• Teens are in school, and schoolwork is often very demanding and requires sufficient sleep to be tackled effectively.
• Teens’ brains are still developing.

In other words, teens are the most likely group to get insufficient sleep, yet they are the group that needs it most.  So how does exercise improve sleep for teens? 

Here are a few sleep tips for teenagers

For one thing, teens who do not exercise are more likely to be obese, and obesity affects sleep quality. According to the study referred to above, chronic sleep deprivation affects teens’ immune systems, the cardiovascular system, and the brain (which, in teens, is still developing). Exercise has been shown to help in all these areas – cardiovascular, immune, and neurological systems are all said to be positively impacted by exercise.

Exercise also makes your teen tired in a good way, and research shows it reduces stress. Stress can really keep your teen up at night, so exercising may relieve that stress and improve sleep. Regular exercise also boosts the appetite, and if parents keep lots of healthy food around, teens may be more likely to eat even foods they have shunned in the past. Intake of more healthy food also helps promote overall health and, by extension, sleep quality.

Generally speaking, vigorous cardiovascular exercise is the best for promoting sleep. Stretching and other forms of exercise are certainly good for the body and may help promote relaxation, thus aiding sleep; but experts agree that at least 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise – preferably in the afternoon – has the most benefit.

By using the sleep tips for teenagers in the above article, your teen will be on his/her path to a better nights sleep.

Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen This toolkit offers parenting help and help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen.

Honest parenting may sound easy, but the truth is it isn’t. Honest parenting requires that not only are you honest with yourself regarding various situations, but that you are also honest with your child about things too. Now, does this mean you have to go into detail about how grandma passed away? No, it only means that you don’t avoid the question because it makes you uncomfortable. In this situation, most young children accept an answer like, “grandma just fell asleep and didn’t wake up,” or something similar. Of course, when dealing with teenagers your answers won’t be as simple as those given to small kids.

Of course, honest parenting involves more than just being honest when asked a question by your children. Below are a few more aspects of honest parenting:

• Showing Respect – You have most likely heard the statement, “respect is not given, it’s earned.” This is very true when it comes to parenting. While as a parent, you deserve respect from your children, you will not get it (willingly) by demanding it. You earn your children’s respect by treating them with respect. It doesn’t matter if you are in the middle of a heated discussion, a temper tantrum or disciplining for an act of disobedience…you can be respectful in all of these situations. When you are, your children (teens included) will continue to respect you and your authority.

• Teaching Responsibility – One of the faux pas made by parents today is that they handle everything for their kids, no matter how old they are. Of course, a baby can’t be taught responsibility, but toddlers, grade-schoolers and teenagers can. Parents who implement honest parenting techniques want to teach their children responsibility from a young age because they know that their kids’ ability to become successful adults depend on it.

• Discipline – If you have ever watched parents and their children while out in public, then you can easily determine which parents discipline their kids and which ones don’t. Disciplining your children can be hard to do, but it is important that you do if you want your children to grow into young adults who are valued by their communities. It’s easy to look the other way when our kids do something they aren’t supposed to do to avoid disciplining them, but honest parenting requires that you be honest with yourself about your children. If you see your children causing trouble or show disrespect to someone, it’s your job to correct them.

• Being Consistent – Being consistent in your parenting strategies is another focus of honest parenting. When parents discipline their children for something one time, but not the next time they do it, it sends mixed signals to the children. The kids won’t stop the behavior because they know that they get by with it sometimes. Therefore, you have to be consistent with your parenting techniques in order for honest parenting to work.

1.      Be Honest –   When using honest parenting, actions speak much louder than words for both young and older children. It’s going to be impossible for parents to teach their kids the importance of honesty if they aren’t honest in their daily dealings. Adults are being watched much more closely by their kids than what they think. While your 5 year old may not say anything when you tell the restaurant cashier he’s 4 (to get the free buffet), that doesn’t mean the lie didn’t go unnoticed. This is especially true if you have teenagers – they notice much more! Therefore, if you want your kids to grow up being honest, you need to be honest yourself.

2.      Talk About Feelings –Many times children feel like their feelings don’t matter and keep them all bottled up (especially teenagers), which can result in a lot of negative behavior – including lying. Therefore, make it a point to talk to your kids about their feelings and tell them that it’s okay for them to feel a certain way, but it’s not okay to act badly because of those feelings nor is it okay to tell a lie because they feel a certain way.

3.      Acknowledge Mistakes –Parents aren’t perfect, but sometimes parents try to portray themselves as perfect to their children. This in itself is a lie. If you want to teach your kids what it means to be honest, then you have to be honest with them when you make a mistake. Honest parenting is all about being up front.  If a mistake is made by you and was witnessed by your children, then it’s important to go to them and explain that you made a mistake and then apologize for it. Not only will this teach your children more about honesty, it will also build their respect towards you and make them less fearful of admitting mistakes to you when they make them.

The three tips above appear to be pretty simple, right? Well, the truth is that they are much harder to do than they look. There isn’t a parent out there who wants their children to see them “fail” nor do many parents like to talk about their feelings to their children. And, it’s always tempting to tell a white lie in order to save a little money, but if parents aren’t transparent with their kids and openly honest about things, how can their children be expected to grow up honest?

Therefore, although it may be hard, try to incorporate the three tips above into your daily life in order to use the honest parenting model. You’ll be surprised at the effect these changes will have on your kids, no matter their age!

Mistake #1 – Lying – Obviously, honest parenting does not promote lying to your children to get them to do what you want. So, why do so many parents resort to it? Often times, it’s easy to lie to children to get them to quit arguing or fighting. For instance, if your kindergartener throws a fit saying she doesn’t want to go to school, it may be tempting to tell her that she’ll go to jail (or something else that scares her) if she doesn’t go to school. While this may get her to quit throwing a fit, one day she’ll catch you in a lie. And, if your teen catches you in a lie, respect will be lost…not something you want to happen. Therefore, just be honest with your kids no matter what he situation is…even if it means suffering a tantrum.

Mistake #2 – No Follow-Through – Correcting your children definitely isn’t the highlight of your day. The truth is nobody likes to be the “mean” parent who is always getting on to their children. However, in order to raise good children who respect authority, it’s important for parents to discipline kids when they disobey. The mistake a lot of parents make is that they make threats like, “If you do that again, we’re going to leave,” but don’t follow through with consequence when the child repeats the offense.

When parents don’t follow through with their initial threat, it tells children that they can continue doing what they want because you aren’t really going to do anything. This is a foolproof way to get your kids NOT to listen to you. Therefore, you’ve got to make believers out of them when they are young to avoid major issues when they become teens. If you’ve got a teen, following through with punishments is crucial – and it’s never too late to start.

Mistake #3 – Bribing All the Time – If you have been a parent for very long, more than likely, you have bribed one of your children to get a desired result. While bribery can be a very effective method used to get a child to do something (such as eat, mind, etc.), when overused it can have a negative impact. For example, let’s say your 3-year old daughter refuses to eat her macaroni and cheese. In order to motivate her, you say, “if you eat your macaroni and cheese you can have ice-cream.” It works and the macaroni and cheese quickly disappears.

The problem occurs the next time the toddler refuses to eat and you offer a treat if she finishes it. One of two things will occur when bribery is resorted to on a consistent basis. Either the bribes will lose their appeal and have no effect or your child will learn that if he just holds out a bit longer, mom and dad will sweeten the deal with a bribe.  If bribery is consistently used, it’s hard to get away from it. You’d be surprised how many teens are bribed by their parents. If you are one of these parents who bribes your teen…stop.