Another year, another strand of gray hair, and as shocking as it may seem, your child will be moving away to start her first year of college. You sit and reminisce on how, what only seems to be yesterday, you taught your baby to hold a spoon, tie her shoes, make her own sandwiches, do her laundry and eventually how to drive a car.

College

It was always clear to you that your goal as a mother was to make her an independent, self assured young lady ready to enter the world on her own. Although you understand this is her next stage in growing up, you find yourself sitting with a long face and conflicting feelings. As you try to rationalize with yourself that for the first time your house will be quiet and clean, you notice a tear sliding down your cheek. You are convinced that the ending of this chapter will leave you sad and worried. Never the less you quickly brush away those feelings; you embrace the fact that your baby will be only a phone call away. At that very moment, you realize that your day will begin by checking your emails and waiting for a text message, it will be clouded with ideas for her next visit, and hopefully will end with a good night phone call. You understand that this learning experience is necessary for both of you and all of a sudden you are very proud of your accomplishment. You feel empowered knowing that you did an awesome job and your teenager is ready for the journey called life.

Yana Berlin is a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that she adores.

Her oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of her friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind, she took it upon herself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. She feels that if women continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, they will own the world.

Her goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each other so they can experience the same support and guidance that she receives from her girlfriends. Please Visit Yana’s site http://www.Fabulously40.com

Parenting My Teen has grown so much over the past 2 years (Yes, can you believe it, we are almost 2years old).   Our visitors stats are up over 11,000 unique visitors a month and our shows are filled with great information and interviews.

Parenting My Teen was designed at a bi-weekly podcast but due to many family obligations (new grandson, a husband that has been ill…etc) we will move to a Monthly format until the Christmas Holidays.  Now, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to stop by (smile).  We are busy adding new content and resources to the site each day.  Take your time to browse the may resources that we have and be sure to tune into our latest show or one of our archived shows that can be found here.

If you haven’t had a chance to meet my partner yet, I want to introduce you to our Virtual Assistant/Content Manager here at Parenting My Teen: Tricia Gardner.

Tricia is a ‘God Send’ and takes care of the site, advertising inquiries and content.   She plays a huge role in seeking out and screening guests to appear on the show. Tricia also keeps me on my toes and handles the bulk of the day to day tasks around here She’s been a guest on the show a few times and I have to tell you - she is a lovely lady both inside and out.

Tricia is a Work At Home Mom of three children and she has a very supportive husband. She is the proud owner of TimeSaver VA http://timesaverva.com and has been in the administrative field for over 10 years.

You’ll see Tricia around here quite often adding content, graphics, moving pages around and commenting on the site. Be sure to say Hi when you see her.

Take Care everyone and feel free to post here and add your comments and/or questions.

Social withdrawal is fear of, or withdrawal from, people or social situations. Shyness becomes a problem when it interferes with relationships with others, in social situations, or other aspect’s of a child’s life. Problems with shyness are usually evident by the time a child is three years old.

The shy/withdrawn adolescent may have major conflicts and issues but nobody knows. In fact, sometimes parents are not able to detect the internal storm or struggle in the shy or withdrawn, largely due to an external calm.

Shy and withdrawn teens are oftentimes highly sensitive to their immediate environment. Parents thus need to be available and consistent in their actions. Many adolescents lack an internal structure for control and find it difficult to focus on a consistent and constructive problem-solving plan. Parents can help by providing meaningful structure..

Unfortunately, teens may not have the self-awareness to recognize how their detachment and withdrawal can stimulate frustration and even anger in parents. At the same time, they need a strong relationship with a trusting adult. By learning more about how shy/withdrawn behavior in teens occurs via assessment, parents and practitioners can learn how to treat its negative aspects.

Assessment: One way to conceptualize shy/withdrawn behavior is to view a teen as “internalizing” his difficulties by becoming preoccupied or self-conscious. This type of behavior is often contrasted with the sometimes more obvious “externalizing” problems of an outgoing, direct teen who is busy stealing cars, drinking and causing trouble for others.

Common Reasons for Shyness and Withdrawal:

1) Self-consciousness (related to appearance, behavior)

2) Under-developed social skills

3) Substance abuse

4) Underlying feelings of insecurity and/or inadequacy

5) Significant introversion with ambivalent emotions

6) Identity confusion or uncertainty

In assessing your teen, look at whether or not your child is compliant or defiant, reserved or outgoing, routine or spontaneous. The shy/withdrawn teen will tend toward compliance, be reserved and prefer routine. He/she may move away or avoid others when difficulties arise. At times, withdrawn behavior can take on the role of indirect (sometimes passive-aggressive) anger.

Below are suggestions for children who are socially anxious, while parents should contact a licensed professional for more specific anxiety problems.

• Build your child’s self esteem
•  Develop your child’s social skills.
• Allow your child to warm up to a situation and don’t push them too hard.
• Expose your child to different situations
• Provide love, affection, and attention to your child

Recommended Resources:  Why not set up a free Parent Coaching Consultation? Parent coaching is for parents and caregivers of children of all ages who seek to enrich the bond between themselves and their child(ren).

How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk:   Filled with straightforward advice and written in a down-to-earth style sure to appeal to both parents and teens, offers both innovative, easy-to-implement suggestions and proven techniques to build the foundation for lasting relationships.

Teenage Stress -  A great resource on teenage stress

Voice your expectations – Let your teen know that you will not accept their staying in bed all day long.  It is not unreasonable to ask that they get up at a decent hour consistently.  Explain that you want them to do more than merely watch television, play console games, or surf the internet on the computer.

If your teen expects you to help pay for their summer activities, they should be willing to abide by a few summer rules.  Set a specific time that you expect them to be home, based upon your level of trust and their age.  Ask them to take on a couple of extra chores during the summer to earn some pocket money.

Get them involved – Whether you ask them to help you around the house, volunteer outside of the home, or help them get a job, you want them to be involved in something.  Give them encouragement to help at a local recreation center, children’s program, or nursing home.  They may find they truly enjoy thinking of others first.

Help them find volunteer positions by calling around to local churches, daycares, or nursing homes.  Local businesses will probably be hiring summer help; offer to help them find a job to earn money before school starts again.  This will help them learn responsibility with money, but will also help them realize the value of their time.  If they realize they get paid by the hour, they might be less likely to waste so much of it.

Spend time with them – Avoid giving lectures about what they should do during the summer.  Instead, find activities that you can do with them.  You don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, but take some time to take them shopping, to a movie, or out for a latte.  Summertime is a great time to reconnect with your teen.  Don’t let the summer go by without taking the time to talk.

Encourage activity – Take time to learn a new sport with your teen.  Not only will this help your teen be less lazy during the summer, it’ll help you be less lazy, too.  Give tennis, swimming, cycling, or rollerblading a try.  You both will benefit health wise for the effort.

Parents all over the country complain that their teens get lazy during the summer break.  These tips to combat teen laziness this summer are just a few that you can use.  Ask your teen if there are things they’d like to accomplish before school starts, and then help them to meet those goals.

Visit School’s Out! Plan For the Perfect Teen Summer http://parentingmyteen.com/schools_out.html and Find Out How To Plan For The Perfect Summer and Keep Everyone (you included) Happy!

My husband and I had a very disturbing weekend.

It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.

I’m talking about teenage drinking.

Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.

Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:

teen drinking

* More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.

* Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.

* In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.

* In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”

In addition, recent surveys have also found that:

* Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.

* Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.

* The new “Alco pops” are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.

The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:

* Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.

* At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.

* More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.

*Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.

For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see camy.org/research/status0306

A Parent In Denial

These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?

This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.

Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.

I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.

At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.

The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.

This Is Your Wakeup Call!

I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.

Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this—like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.

Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.

My kids know-because I have told them again and again—that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.

Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.

Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.

Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.

Yana Berlin is a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that she adores.

Her oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of her friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind, she took it upon herself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. She feels that if women continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, they will own the world.

Her goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each other so they can experience the same support and guidance that she receives from her girlfriends. Please Visit Yana’s site http://www.Fabulously40.com

Here are a few Parenting Teenager tips on how to make the best of this stressful and confusing time in your teenager’s life.

Be Open and Understanding

Realize that your teen is going to be stressed and irritable for the first few weeks of their freshman year. There are many things that can contribute to your teen’s moodiness or withdrawn state. They are experiencing numerous changes in their life; all at the same time. Just like when you are pushed to your max with stress, your teen may experience headaches, stomachaches, or sleepiness. They need time and space to figure it all out in their own mind. Be patient and give them the time they need to sort things out for themselves.

Be Available and Reassuring

They may be young adults with a need to start making more decisions on their own and taking on more responsibility, but that doesn’t mean that they are full blown adults with minds that can handle all the stress and pressure of taking on those tasks. Reassure them that you are there when they need you and also how to “back off” when necessary so they can figure things out for themselves.

Your teenager is just that, a teen. You need to let them know that you trust them to make their own decisions. Let them know that you are always there should they get stuck and need a helping hand from someone they trust. Show them in ways other than saying things such as, “I’m here if you want to talk.” It’s not always easy for a teenager to start up a serious conversation, especially with Mom or Dad. There are times when you need to get creative. Depending on your teen that may mean writing a letter or taking them shopping and talking about what’s going on in their life while driving.

Be Supportive and Loving

Your teenager is no longer the ‘big dog’, but instead a ‘newbie’. Teenagers need to know that Mom and/or Dad support their decisions. They may have a difficult time fitting in; therefore, the need to try new things is necessary and helps them to figure out who they are. As long as the activity is not detrimental to them or anyone else, let them try a new sport, club, or other extracurricular hobby.

Support them in their decision, even if you know in the long run they will not participate next year. Give them the opportunity to find out for themselves if they enjoy certain activities. Remind them that family is something that will always be there. They are moving away from you as a parent but not disconnecting with the family completely and that’s ok.

Set Routines and Limits

Yes, they may be growing up, but they aren’t adults yet. Even teenagers need routines and limits. It will help to make the transition to high school easier on both of you if make limits together before the first week of school. Sit down and tell your child what your expectations are and really listen to their expectations of you as well. Settle on certain guidelines and routines that make both of you happy with the end result. This not only puts your mind at ease, but will also show your teen that you acknowledge that they are capable of making sound decisions and taking other’s considerations into
account.

Parenting Teenagers can be a trying time and high school can seem overwhelming for them. Share in the good times and be there to lean on for the bad. Before you know it, you’ll be catching that cap and tassel at your teen’s graduation.

Real Life Guidance to Helping Your Teen in High School includes practical suggestions to help your child find his/her identity, avoid bullies, handle peer pressure and more.

Here are a few tips to help your teen open up:

Be open to what they say - When you get your teen to open up, don’t be shocked if they say some things you are not fond of. Just be open to what they’re telling you instead of being critical. You can express to them that you don’t approve of something without attacking them. If they feel relaxed talking about serious things, they’ll be more likely to come to you if they have a dilemma.

Find a common ground - Look for things that you and your child are both interested in. It’s easier to talk about something that you both have in common.

Spend more time together - A recent study showed that many teens complain that they are not receiving sufficient time with their parents. This is one of their top concerns. Many teens feel they can’t talk to their parents because they’re always at work or busy doing other things. Many time we fail to remember to take time out from our frantic lives to pay enough attention to our kids one on one.

Some suggestions for spending additional time with your teen are:

* Set up a definite time every week to spend time with your teen
* Have dinner at the table with the whole family as often as possible
* Work out or engage in a sporting activity with your child

While your teen may be hesitant to talk to you at first, keep trying. Likely, you’ll intimately break down the wall and they’ll look forward to talking with you and spending more time with you as well.

* Begin looking now to see what types of summer jobs are available for teenagers in your area.  Check with the high school to see if they know of any summer job fairs that will be in your area.  Have your child sign up and attend the job fair to see what they might be interested in.

* Determine what their marketable skills are.  Have they had a lot of experience babysitting younger siblings?  If they have, this experience may be transferable into working at a daycare center, mothers’ day out, or nursery school.

Sign them up for first aid and CPR classes and offer to take the class with them.  These skills are always in demand with childcare. They will also benefit you at home, as well.

* What do you do if they don’t have any marketable skills?  Help them learn some, of course!  Decide what skills they need and see if there are some volunteer positions they can fill to learn marketable skills.  For instance, if your teen is interested in becoming a veterinarian, ask around at vets’ offices to see if they need someone to walk animals, clean cages, or something of that nature.  This type of experience, even though not paid, will look great on a resume.

* Teach them how to fill out an application.  Look on the internet to see if you can find some blank job applications so your teen has practice filling them out before applying for a job.  Have references ready including name, address, telephone number, and how long your teen has known them.

* Dry run a job interview with them.  Find some common questions that employers ask prospective employees during job interviews.  Pay particular attention to their posture, if they have nervous habits that would be distracting, and the answers they give.  While they may not appreciate your help at the time, they will see how spending this time may help them obtain a job.

* Tell them to be persistent.  With the number of teenagers that will be out looking for a summertime job, it’s not likely that your teen will be hired after their first interview.  Suggest they send thank-you notes to their interviewer and to call back if they haven’t heard from them after a week. Also, impress upon them the importance of applying at more than one place.

Teens and parents will likely disagree about how to spend the summer.  Parents may be thinking, “My teen needs a summer job” and the teen may think the summer will be full of fun and freedom.  These tips may help you help your teenager find a summer job you can both agree upon.

The ‘Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen’ report is now available to offer parenting help and  help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen - http://www.reallifeguidance.com/understand-teen.html

A frequent topic of discussion among baby boomers is whether to save for retirement or pay for their kids’ college education.

You worked hard to raise your kids. You made sure that they had the right clothes, the cool shoes, and all the other “chachkas” they needed to fit in. You hope you did all the right things. Now, as your kids prepare to head off to college, you find yourself looking at anywhere from $20,000 to $45,000 a year (per kid) for tuition, room and board. Do you cash out your 401K to pay for their college? Or do you ask them to take out a loan?

Part of the problem has to do with the fact that many Americans have negative savings. Not only did they fail to plan for their retirement, they also didn’t put away money for their children’s college, and they have no little or no personal savings. Another part has to do with the escalating cost of higher education.

It used to be that only those who went on to years of graduate school ended up with hefty student loans to pay off.
However, it is not uncommon for today’s kids to graduate from college with a bachelor’s degree and a hundred
There are no right or wrong answers for these issues, and every family has a different set of circumstances. However, the decisions you make will have far-reaching consequences for your lives and the lives of your children.
Think “In-State”

By no means do I claim to be an expert in this area, but my husband and I have embarked on a strategy that seems to be working well for our children and us.

Having four kids puts a real burden on any family’s finances. Having those kids very close in age is a recipe for financial disaster. As young parents, we couldn’t afford to save money for our kids’ college education, so we gambled on the idea that maybe two out of them would earn a scholarship of some sort.

By 8th grade, however, it became painfully evident that the scholarship strategy was not likely to pan out. Our kids were all loveable and smart, yet none had the innate drive, determination or IQ to attend Harvard or even a state college on a scholarship. As a result, we had to make some tough choices, and make them relatively quickly.

After studying our lifestyle and finances, we determined that with some sacrifices on our part and some help from our kids, we could put them through college without them having to obtain huge loans and mortgage their future. However, this required adopting some fairly stringent rules in regards to where they could attend college.

We started by explaining to our children that who they wanted to be and what they wanted to study was their choice. However, since mom and dad would be paying for the college education, the choice of school was ours.

Based on this rule, out-of-state schools were out of the question. We saw no reason to pay $30K a year more so our children could ski the Colorado Mountains. State schools in California were widely available and much more affordable.

Another option was to graduate high school at age 16 by taking a proficiency test and attend community college for two years. This would save at least $20K a year in tuition (even at a state school), and give them the ability to easily transfer to any state university of their choice. If they got accepted at a good university right after high school, we would have no problem paying the bill. Otherwise, it made more sense to attend community college for two years and then transfer rather than attend a mediocre college right out of high school.
Responsible Choices

The results are as follows.

Our oldest daughter applied and was accepted to UC Irvine right out of high school. She lived on campus for the first year and commuted the second year. For her third year, she transferred to UC San Diego, and will be a junior next year in her hometown. Our middle daughter, who recently turned 18, took the proficiency test at 16, completed her AA in a community college, and received an acceptance letter from all of the schools she applied to.

The fact is, in-state schools cost half as much as out-of-state. If you can’t afford the higher tuition and extra room, board and travel expenses, it is prudent to encourage your child to apply to a school nearby. Unless money isn’t an issue, it doesn’t make sense to send your kids out of state just because their friends are going along for the ride. Plus, the transition will be less stressful on their bodies and souls.

The moral of the story?

Our job is to raise responsible adults and show them how to live their lives to the fullest while being practical at the same time. While our children’s education is extremely important, attending their party school of choice is not. If your financial situation doesn’t allow you to put your kids through school, help them make the right choices by choosing affordable yet credible schools while borrowing as little money as possible. Help them make responsible choices so they don’t begin their journey into adulthood burdened with a mountain of debt.

And while we’re at it, let’s all do a better job of planning for our retirement. After all, we want to be an asset and not a liability to our kids.

For my husband and I, it’s two down and two to go. Good luck with your own children!

Yana Berlin is a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that she adores.

Her oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of her friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind, she took it upon herself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. She feels that if women continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, they will own the world.

Her goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each other so they can experience the same support and guidance that she receives from her girlfriends. Please Visit Yana’s site http://www.Fabulously40.com

I wanted to share this great online resource with you called My Out of Control Teen: http://www.parentingmyteen.com/Out-of-Control.HTML

Don’t let the title fool you. Your teen doesn’t need to be totally out of control for you to reap the benefits of this great program because it is great for any parent of strong-willed children.

This program is an online parent support (OPS) system that includes the following:

• My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook (which contains 150 proven techniques to use with your strong-willed teen)
• Full access to Bonus eBooks Site
• Live audio recordings you can listen to online
• Power Point Presentations and Videos you can viewonline
• Full access to OPS Website

Best of all, it is at a great low price and comes with a no hassle money-back guarantee. Visit My Out Of Control Teen today and try it free!