1.  Give your child choices.  Hopefully, you’ve been giving your child power over his or her own life in small ways all along, so that by the time your child becomes a teen, it is simply a natural progression.  If not, it’s okay to change the rules.  Let your teen know that you want him or her to have more control over his or her own life.  Give your teens choices that make them in control of their own lives.

2.  Let your child have a voice.  No, they aren’t in charge…and no, you don’t have to give a voice to rudeness or obnoxious behavior.  But if your child has an opinion, value him or her by listening – and considering.  Your child needs to feel like a valuable member of your family.

3.  You are the parent and the adult.  You have the power to end conversations when they turn into arguments; you have the emotional maturity to stay calm and reasonable when your child does not and cannot. 

4.  Your behavior sets a far more effective example to your child than your words.  Your overreaction, emotional outbursts, and violent reactions teach them that that is acceptable behavior.  Your ability to stay calm (count to ten, walk away, bite your tongue) teaches your child responsible mature behavior and gives them emotional management tools.

5.  Don’t do everything for your child.  When they have needs, help them learn how to meet their needs on their own.  Teach your child how to do laundry, cook, and clean (of course this may vary depending on the age of your child).  Don’t make it a chore; make it a fun way to help your child gain independence.  Stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

6.  You will reach your child more effectively by listening instead of talking.  Make sure your child knows you are there – and don’t just say you’re there, mean it.  Be available when your child needs to talk; make choices in your own life that demonstrate to your child his or her importance in your life.

7.  Don’t try to solve all of your childs’ problems. Instead of reacting with “You should do this” ask your child what they think should be done.  Praise your childs’ ability to think things through, guide them where necessary, and let them know you trust them to make the right choices.  The belief and faith you have in your child helps motivate them to make the right choices.  Again,  stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

8.  Whether it’s a new concept in your house or something you’ve been doing all along, be consistent.  Behaviors should have consequences (good and bad).  Praise positive behavior and enforce consequences for negative behavior.

9.  Recognize that your child is not a bad person even when he or she is making bad choices.  Choose your words carefully – never call your child a derogatory name.  Address the choice they made, give consequences because of the choice.

10.  Treat your child as an individual.  Respect your child, recognize that while this is your child, he or she is also well on the way to being a unique and independent individual.  When you treat your children with respect, you set an example they can follow with you and others in life.

Following as many of these top ten tips for parents as you can and you will soon seen a positive change in the relationship that you have with your children.

I have organized a totally free coaching class where I will share strategies with you that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles your kids face.  It is totally free and is chock full of useful information that you can use immediately!  Sign up and perhaps there will be just one less whining adult in the world because of it.

I can sum up today’s topic with this statement:

Moms, stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults.

Think about it — if you always run to your child’s side, fight their battles and fix everything for them, how will they ever learn to stand up for themselves and figure things out with confidence?

During today’s show I am talking about how jumping in too soon to fight your child’s battles actually cripples them throughout their childhood and into their adult lives as well. I am also sharing a few tips on how you can help to boost your child’s inner strength and give them the tools that they need to fight their own battles and make good decisions.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for the past week and my most recent blog entry ‘Nobody Likes a Whiner‘ has sparked up quite a good conversation.

Be sure to listen to the entire show because I have a big announcement. I am hosting a totally Free Coaching Class on Thursday, February 2nd at 9:00pm Eastern. You can sign up for that class by clicking on this link–> http://www.reallifecoaching.net/class/

During the class I will be sharing strategies that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles our kids face.

Here are some tips on how teens can find a part-time job, things to consider, and some of the things to expect.

Transportation

Consider how your teen is going to get to and from his or her job. If your teen is not driving, or if you don’t have a vehicle you can spare, take that into consideration before your teen applies for a particular job.

How Many Hours?

Twenty hours a week is the average for a part-time job, but your teen’s other activities and schoolwork should be taken into consideration, too. If he or she only has 10 hours a week to devote to work, then babysitting or yard work might be good choices.

Studies have shown that teens who work more than 20 hours a week tend to flag behind in schoolwork and experience more fatigue due to lack of sleep. Other studies point to between 10 and 15 hours per week as the ideal number of hours for teens to gain the advantages of employment without sacrificing school and social life.

What Kinds of Jobs?

As noted above, babysitting and yard work are popular first jobs for teens. Today, there are online jobs, too. Transcription, writing web content, running a blog, and so forth are all legitimate part-time jobs, and your teen can pick and choose based on how many hours your teen has available.

Speaking of online jobs, your teen can also set up his or her own business online. He can manage a web content company and hire other teens to write for him, or he can set up an informational niche website. There are forums and organizations online devoted to helping teens start up their own businesses.

Handmade items and crafts are on the rise. Artisan foods are a hot item these days, as are hand-sewn bags and bath products. Your teen can set up a website to sell his or her products, or use online tools like eBay. Also, local retailers might be willing to sell items for a percentage of the sale price.

Income

How much your teen can expect to make does, of course, depend on the job and the number of hours. It’s important to be realistic here, too; your teen may be working for minimum wage at only 10 hours a week. But experience is invaluable, and your teen does not have the life expenses that adults do, such as grocery and utility bills.

Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen This toolkit offers parenting help and help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen.

This “sedentary behavior” had a profound effect on the teens’ sleep quality. Teens who exercised instead of spending time in front of the computer reported sleeping for eight hours or more, while the sedentary teens got insufficient sleep.

Teens are a special concern regarding exercise and sleep. There are several reasons for this, such as the following:

• Teens are more likely to spend recreational time in front of a computer.
• Teens tend to stay up late due to homework and/or circadian rhythm changes.
• Teens actually need more sleep per night (between nine and ten hours) than the average adult. 
• Teens are in school, and schoolwork is often very demanding and requires sufficient sleep to be tackled effectively.
• Teens’ brains are still developing.

In other words, teens are the most likely group to get insufficient sleep, yet they are the group that needs it most.  So how does exercise improve sleep for teens? 

Here are a few sleep tips for teenagers

For one thing, teens who do not exercise are more likely to be obese, and obesity affects sleep quality. According to the study referred to above, chronic sleep deprivation affects teens’ immune systems, the cardiovascular system, and the brain (which, in teens, is still developing). Exercise has been shown to help in all these areas – cardiovascular, immune, and neurological systems are all said to be positively impacted by exercise.

Exercise also makes your teen tired in a good way, and research shows it reduces stress. Stress can really keep your teen up at night, so exercising may relieve that stress and improve sleep. Regular exercise also boosts the appetite, and if parents keep lots of healthy food around, teens may be more likely to eat even foods they have shunned in the past. Intake of more healthy food also helps promote overall health and, by extension, sleep quality.

Generally speaking, vigorous cardiovascular exercise is the best for promoting sleep. Stretching and other forms of exercise are certainly good for the body and may help promote relaxation, thus aiding sleep; but experts agree that at least 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise – preferably in the afternoon – has the most benefit.

By using the sleep tips for teenagers in the above article, your teen will be on his/her path to a better nights sleep.

Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen This toolkit offers parenting help and help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen.

Honest parenting may sound easy, but the truth is it isn’t. Honest parenting requires that not only are you honest with yourself regarding various situations, but that you are also honest with your child about things too. Now, does this mean you have to go into detail about how grandma passed away? No, it only means that you don’t avoid the question because it makes you uncomfortable. In this situation, most young children accept an answer like, “grandma just fell asleep and didn’t wake up,” or something similar. Of course, when dealing with teenagers your answers won’t be as simple as those given to small kids.

Of course, honest parenting involves more than just being honest when asked a question by your children. Below are a few more aspects of honest parenting:

• Showing Respect – You have most likely heard the statement, “respect is not given, it’s earned.” This is very true when it comes to parenting. While as a parent, you deserve respect from your children, you will not get it (willingly) by demanding it. You earn your children’s respect by treating them with respect. It doesn’t matter if you are in the middle of a heated discussion, a temper tantrum or disciplining for an act of disobedience…you can be respectful in all of these situations. When you are, your children (teens included) will continue to respect you and your authority.

• Teaching Responsibility – One of the faux pas made by parents today is that they handle everything for their kids, no matter how old they are. Of course, a baby can’t be taught responsibility, but toddlers, grade-schoolers and teenagers can. Parents who implement honest parenting techniques want to teach their children responsibility from a young age because they know that their kids’ ability to become successful adults depend on it.

• Discipline – If you have ever watched parents and their children while out in public, then you can easily determine which parents discipline their kids and which ones don’t. Disciplining your children can be hard to do, but it is important that you do if you want your children to grow into young adults who are valued by their communities. It’s easy to look the other way when our kids do something they aren’t supposed to do to avoid disciplining them, but honest parenting requires that you be honest with yourself about your children. If you see your children causing trouble or show disrespect to someone, it’s your job to correct them.

• Being Consistent – Being consistent in your parenting strategies is another focus of honest parenting. When parents discipline their children for something one time, but not the next time they do it, it sends mixed signals to the children. The kids won’t stop the behavior because they know that they get by with it sometimes. Therefore, you have to be consistent with your parenting techniques in order for honest parenting to work.

1.      Be Honest –   When using honest parenting, actions speak much louder than words for both young and older children. It’s going to be impossible for parents to teach their kids the importance of honesty if they aren’t honest in their daily dealings. Adults are being watched much more closely by their kids than what they think. While your 5 year old may not say anything when you tell the restaurant cashier he’s 4 (to get the free buffet), that doesn’t mean the lie didn’t go unnoticed. This is especially true if you have teenagers – they notice much more! Therefore, if you want your kids to grow up being honest, you need to be honest yourself.

2.      Talk About Feelings –Many times children feel like their feelings don’t matter and keep them all bottled up (especially teenagers), which can result in a lot of negative behavior – including lying. Therefore, make it a point to talk to your kids about their feelings and tell them that it’s okay for them to feel a certain way, but it’s not okay to act badly because of those feelings nor is it okay to tell a lie because they feel a certain way.

3.      Acknowledge Mistakes –Parents aren’t perfect, but sometimes parents try to portray themselves as perfect to their children. This in itself is a lie. If you want to teach your kids what it means to be honest, then you have to be honest with them when you make a mistake. Honest parenting is all about being up front.  If a mistake is made by you and was witnessed by your children, then it’s important to go to them and explain that you made a mistake and then apologize for it. Not only will this teach your children more about honesty, it will also build their respect towards you and make them less fearful of admitting mistakes to you when they make them.

The three tips above appear to be pretty simple, right? Well, the truth is that they are much harder to do than they look. There isn’t a parent out there who wants their children to see them “fail” nor do many parents like to talk about their feelings to their children. And, it’s always tempting to tell a white lie in order to save a little money, but if parents aren’t transparent with their kids and openly honest about things, how can their children be expected to grow up honest?

Therefore, although it may be hard, try to incorporate the three tips above into your daily life in order to use the honest parenting model. You’ll be surprised at the effect these changes will have on your kids, no matter their age!

Mistake #1 – Lying – Obviously, honest parenting does not promote lying to your children to get them to do what you want. So, why do so many parents resort to it? Often times, it’s easy to lie to children to get them to quit arguing or fighting. For instance, if your kindergartener throws a fit saying she doesn’t want to go to school, it may be tempting to tell her that she’ll go to jail (or something else that scares her) if she doesn’t go to school. While this may get her to quit throwing a fit, one day she’ll catch you in a lie. And, if your teen catches you in a lie, respect will be lost…not something you want to happen. Therefore, just be honest with your kids no matter what he situation is…even if it means suffering a tantrum.

Mistake #2 – No Follow-Through – Correcting your children definitely isn’t the highlight of your day. The truth is nobody likes to be the “mean” parent who is always getting on to their children. However, in order to raise good children who respect authority, it’s important for parents to discipline kids when they disobey. The mistake a lot of parents make is that they make threats like, “If you do that again, we’re going to leave,” but don’t follow through with consequence when the child repeats the offense.

When parents don’t follow through with their initial threat, it tells children that they can continue doing what they want because you aren’t really going to do anything. This is a foolproof way to get your kids NOT to listen to you. Therefore, you’ve got to make believers out of them when they are young to avoid major issues when they become teens. If you’ve got a teen, following through with punishments is crucial – and it’s never too late to start.

Mistake #3 – Bribing All the Time – If you have been a parent for very long, more than likely, you have bribed one of your children to get a desired result. While bribery can be a very effective method used to get a child to do something (such as eat, mind, etc.), when overused it can have a negative impact. For example, let’s say your 3-year old daughter refuses to eat her macaroni and cheese. In order to motivate her, you say, “if you eat your macaroni and cheese you can have ice-cream.” It works and the macaroni and cheese quickly disappears.

The problem occurs the next time the toddler refuses to eat and you offer a treat if she finishes it. One of two things will occur when bribery is resorted to on a consistent basis. Either the bribes will lose their appeal and have no effect or your child will learn that if he just holds out a bit longer, mom and dad will sweeten the deal with a bribe.  If bribery is consistently used, it’s hard to get away from it. You’d be surprised how many teens are bribed by their parents. If you are one of these parents who bribes your teen…stop.

Did you know that a few years ago, the SAT became a longer, more challenging, and a lot different? The SAT is now 3 hours and 45 minutes long. What was known as the Verbal Section has been renamed Critical Reading and the Analogies questions have been eliminated and replaced with Short Reading Passages.

An SAT Writing Section has been added, which contains multiple-choice grammar questions and a 25-minute written essay. Finally, the Math Section has been expanded to include three years of high school math — in other words, it now includes harder questions in the area of algebra II.

For your teen, taking the SAT is a huge, life molding event. It marks the beginning of a countdown to your child’s high school graduation and has us, parents, thinking seriously sending our teens off to college.

Helping our teens prepare for the SAT is crucial! It is important to not leave this preparation solely in the hands of your child’s school. It is important to arm your child with other materials that help them gain the test taking skills that will propel them to higher SAT test scores.

Here is a very popular and proven guide to help your teen obtain a higher SAT Scores. The book is filled with exercises, drills, and full-length sample exams that create a true-to-life testing experience: http://parentingmyteen.com/SAT-Preparation.HTML
Here’s to helping your teen do his/her very best!

1. Tolerance: The last thing any parent or person in authority wants to do is tolerate the out-of-control behavior. However, some teens react much better, and even stop the undesirable behavior, when adults show a little tolerance. I’m not suggesting you just let your teen do whatever she wants, but I’m suggesting that you don’t blow up over every little thing. When it comes to learning how to handle an out of control teenager, it is imporant to daw a line between what is out of control behavior and what behaviors are not out of control.

You really need to consider your situation before you try implementing this tip. Take a look at the teen and try to look at things from her point of view. You may find that your teen is just trying to exercise a little independence. If this is the case, then find areas where you can show tolerance for your teen. For example, if your teen is in band and you require that she practices 30 minutes every day and you want it done right when she gets home, but she fights with you every day about it, and possibly leaves the house as a result, consider letting her make the decision when to practice…as long as it gets done before she goes to bed.

2. Ignore It: Many teens do things just to irritate their parents. In most cases, we’re talking about leaving laundry on the floor or speaking a particular way, but with out-of-control teens we’re usually talking about things like staying out past curfew or leaving the house without telling you where he’s going. If the behavior doesn’t involve anything that is either emotionally or physically harmful such as drugs or alcohol – then try ignoring it.

Sometimes when teens realize they aren’t going to get the reaction they are looking for from you any longer, they will stop the behavior altogether. Part of learning how to handle an out of control teenager is simply trying discern whether your teen is just trying to “push your buttons” or not. If so, try ignoring it and see what happens, you might be surprised!

3. Listen: One of the big mistakes parents of teenagers make is not listening. Many parents see things their teens are doing that they don’t agree with and they begin to lecture them about it…over and over again. This can contribute to your teen becoming an out-of-control teen. Therefore, try listening to your teenager.

Teens want to be viewed as adults and often times they act out, become disruptive and even out-of-control when they don’t feel this way. When you take the time to listen to your teen regarding their views, opinions and reasoning before you lecture, you may find your teen starts “coming around.” It’s okay to disagree with your teen – especially if they’re wrong, but at least ask for their reasoning and then, in a calm and non-judgmental way, explain why you feel the way you do.

For more tips on dealing with and learning how to handle an out of control teenager, visit My Out Of Control Teen:  A online parent-program for those who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers. learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.

Also check out No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – Learn how to feel like a good parent even when your teenager hates you. Also learn how get your disrespectful Teenager to LISTEN to what you say & RESPECT you as their parent while getting peace back in your home. Risk Free for 60 Days! No Obligation!”