By: Yana Berlin

Another year, another strand of gray hair, and as shocking as it may seem, your child will be moving away to start her first year of college. You sit and reminisce on how, what only seems to be yesterday, you taught your baby to hold a spoon, tie her shoes, make her own sandwiches, do her laundry and eventually how to drive a car.

College

It was always clear to you that your goal as a mother was to make her an independent, self assured young lady ready to enter the world on her own. Although you understand this is her next stage in growing up, you find yourself sitting with a long face and conflicting feelings. As you try to rationalize with yourself that for the first time your house will be quiet and clean, you notice a tear sliding down your cheek. You are convinced that the ending of this chapter will leave you sad and worried. Never the less you quickly brush away those feelings; you embrace the fact that your baby will be only a phone call away. At that very moment, you realize that your day will begin by checking your emails and waiting for a text message, it will be clouded with ideas for her next visit, and hopefully will end with a good night phone call. You understand that this learning experience is necessary for both of you and all of a sudden you are very proud of your accomplishment. You feel empowered knowing that you did an awesome job and your teenager is ready for the journey called life.

Yana Berlin is a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that she adores.

Her oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of her friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind, she took it upon herself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. She feels that if women continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, they will own the world.

Her goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each other so they can experience the same support and guidance that she receives from her girlfriends. Please Visit Yana’s site http://www.Fabulously40.com

Parenting a shy teen may be trying at times but it is important to realize that if you pressure your shy teen, this can cause anxiety and insecurity, leading to a worse problem with shyness. Don’t push your teen to achieve above his or her individual level
Shy or Withdrawn Behavior as Destructive or Maladaptive. Hundreds of thousands of teens are bullied every day. Bullying has everyone worried, not just the kids on its receiving end. Yet because parents, teachers, and other adults don’t always see it, they may not understand how extreme bullying can get.

Social withdrawal is fear of, or withdrawal from, people or social situations. Shyness becomes a problem when it interferes with relationships with others, in social situations, or other aspect’s of a child’s life. Problems with shyness are usually evident by the time a child is three years old.

The shy/withdrawn adolescent may have major conflicts and issues but nobody knows. In fact, sometimes parents are not able to detect the internal storm or struggle in the shy or withdrawn, largely due to an external calm.

Shy and withdrawn teens are oftentimes highly sensitive to their immediate environment. Parents thus need to be available and consistent in their actions. Many adolescents lack an internal structure for control and find it difficult to focus on a consistent and constructive problem-solving plan. Parents can help by providing meaningful structure..

Unfortunately, teens may not have the self-awareness to recognize how their detachment and withdrawal can stimulate frustration and even anger in parents. At the same time, they need a strong relationship with a trusting adult. By learning more about how shy/withdrawn behavior in teens occurs via assessment, parents and practitioners can learn how to treat its negative aspects.

Assessment: One way to conceptualize shy/withdrawn behavior is to view a teen as “internalizing” his difficulties by becoming preoccupied or self-conscious. This type of behavior is often contrasted with the sometimes more obvious “externalizing” problems of an outgoing, direct teen who is busy stealing cars, drinking and causing trouble for others.

Common Reasons for Shyness and Withdrawal:

1) Self-consciousness (related to appearance, behavior)

2) Under-developed social skills

3) Substance abuse

4) Underlying feelings of insecurity and/or inadequacy

5) Significant introversion with ambivalent emotions

6) Identity confusion or uncertainty

In assessing your teen, look at whether or not your child is compliant or defiant, reserved or outgoing, routine or spontaneous. The shy/withdrawn teen will tend toward compliance, be reserved and prefer routine. He/she may move away or avoid others when difficulties arise. At times, withdrawn behavior can take on the role of indirect (sometimes passive-aggressive) anger.

Below are suggestions for children who are socially anxious, while parents should contact a licensed professional for more specific anxiety problems.

• Build your child’s self esteem
•  Develop your child’s social skills.
• Allow your child to warm up to a situation and don’t push them too hard.
• Expose your child to different situations
• Provide love, affection, and attention to your child

Recommended Resources:  Why not set up a free Parent Coaching Consultation? Parent coaching is for parents and caregivers of children of all ages who seek to enrich the bond between themselves and their child(ren).

How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk:   Filled with straightforward advice and written in a down-to-earth style sure to appeal to both parents and teens, offers both innovative, easy-to-implement suggestions and proven techniques to build the foundation for lasting relationships.

Teenage Stress -  A great resource on teenage stress

Most people enjoy a lazy day when they can sleep in and just relax.  However, when summer comes, it seems that some teens take that one lazy day and stretch it over the entire summer break.  Here are some tips to combat teen laziness this summer.

Voice your expectations – Let your teen know that you will not accept their staying in bed all day long.  It is not unreasonable to ask that they get up at a decent hour consistently.  Explain that you want them to do more than merely watch television, play console games, or surf the internet on the computer.

If your teen expects you to help pay for their summer activities, they should be willing to abide by a few summer rules.  Set a specific time that you expect them to be home, based upon your level of trust and their age.  Ask them to take on a couple of extra chores during the summer to earn some pocket money.

Get them involved – Whether you ask them to help you around the house, volunteer outside of the home, or help them get a job, you want them to be involved in something.  Give them encouragement to help at a local recreation center, children’s program, or nursing home.  They may find they truly enjoy thinking of others first.

Help them find volunteer positions by calling around to local churches, daycares, or nursing homes.  Local businesses will probably be hiring summer help; offer to help them find a job to earn money before school starts again.  This will help them learn responsibility with money, but will also help them realize the value of their time.  If they realize they get paid by the hour, they might be less likely to waste so much of it.

Spend time with them – Avoid giving lectures about what they should do during the summer.  Instead, find activities that you can do with them.  You don’t have to spend every waking moment with them, but take some time to take them shopping, to a movie, or out for a latte.  Summertime is a great time to reconnect with your teen.  Don’t let the summer go by without taking the time to talk.

Encourage activity – Take time to learn a new sport with your teen.  Not only will this help your teen be less lazy during the summer, it’ll help you be less lazy, too.  Give tennis, swimming, cycling, or rollerblading a try.  You both will benefit health wise for the effort.

Parents all over the country complain that their teens get lazy during the summer break.  These tips to combat teen laziness this summer are just a few that you can use.  Ask your teen if there are things they’d like to accomplish before school starts, and then help them to meet those goals.

Visit School’s Out! Plan For the Perfect Teen Summer http://parentingmyteen.com/schools_out.html and Find Out How To Plan For The Perfect Summer and Keep Everyone (you included) Happy!

By: Yana Berlin

My husband and I had a very disturbing weekend.

It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.

I’m talking about teenage drinking.

Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.

Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:

teen drinking

* More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.

* Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.

* In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.

* In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”

In addition, recent surveys have also found that:

* Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.

* Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.

* The new “Alco pops” are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.

The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:

* Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.

* At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.

* More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.

*Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.

For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see camy.org/research/status0306

A Parent In Denial

These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?

This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.

Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.

I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.

At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.

The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.

This Is Your Wakeup Call!

I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.

Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this—like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.

Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.

My kids know-because I have told them again and again—that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.

Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.

Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.

Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.

Yana Berlin is a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that she adores.

Her oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of her friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind, she took it upon herself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. She feels that if women continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, they will own the world.

Her goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each other so they can experience the same support and guidance that she receives from her girlfriends. Please Visit Yana’s site http://www.Fabulously40.com

To many parents, their children seem like a closed book. At times it appears to be impossible to get them to open up and talk about their lives. But talking to your child and being aware of what is going on in their lives is one of the greatest ways to shield them from danger. Spying and snooping around isn’t the best way to get that information either, it will only makes matters worse if your teen finds out.

Here are a few tips to help your teen open up:

Be open to what they say - When you get your teen to open up, don’t be shocked if they say some things you are not fond of. Just be open to what they’re telling you instead of being critical. You can express to them that you don’t approve of something without attacking them. If they feel relaxed talking about serious things, they’ll be more likely to come to you if they have a dilemma.

Find a common ground - Look for things that you and your child are both interested in. It’s easier to talk about something that you both have in common.

Spend more time together - A recent study showed that many teens complain that they are not receiving sufficient time with their parents. This is one of their top concerns. Many teens feel they can’t talk to their parents because they’re always at work or busy doing other things. Many time we fail to remember to take time out from our frantic lives to pay enough attention to our kids one on one.

Some suggestions for spending additional time with your teen are:

* Set up a definite time every week to spend time with your teen
* Have dinner at the table with the whole family as often as possible
* Work out or engage in a sporting activity with your child

While your teen may be hesitant to talk to you at first, keep trying. Likely, you’ll intimately break down the wall and they’ll look forward to talking with you and spending more time with you as well.