Remember your first love? How it was all you thought about, how you thought that it would last forever? Learning the ropes of relationships is a big deal. Combine that with teen hormones, and it’s easy to see why teen relationships can become so consuming. So what do you do when you see your teen involved in a relationship that is becoming too intense?A mom on Parent Soup asked this question recently, describing how her daughter’s boyfriend was becoming possessive and jealous, and how she didn’t know how to handle the situation. Here are the wise words she received in response from parents across the country who’ve been there. May they help you guide your teen along the path to a healthy relationship.

“What I have been doing is pointing it out to my daughter when her boyfriend is acting like a jerk. When he freaks out about her looking at someone, I ask her if she wants to have to deal with him freaking out over stuff like that for the rest of her life. When he tells her what to wear, I say, ‘ I’m glad I don’t have anyone bossing me around like that.’ She seems to be getting irritated with the whole thing, so maybe she’ll break up with him. But from prior experience with this child, if I forbid her, she sneaks behind my back as much to get her way as to see if she can get away with it.”

“Please don’t forbid them to see each other, by doing so it may push them further away. Suggest a cooling off time or try bringing the boyfriend into more of the family activities. By bringing him in closer you can keep your eye on your daughter better and possibly come to a mutual understanding with the boyfriend.”

“Forbidding the relationship to continue is only going to cause resistance, and close off communication. On the other hand, it would be foolhardy and irresponsible to allow the child to fend for herself when so inexperienced in relationships. In my opinion, the best first step toward a solution is to attempt to involve both parties in communication, and persuade them to go to counseling. Many boys are very insecure at a young age, and have ideas of how a ‘man should act.’ I would get your daughter to ask herself some questions; what she truly wants for her life, what are her goals, etc. It may seem like a very difficult thing to do, but she needs to take care of herself first. Her self-esteem will be better served by being strong in her own choices. I’d give her a lot of support, and try to get her to make the right choice on her own.”

“This is a big warning sign of an abusive relationship. I would call the local domestic abuse information center and see how they suggest dealing with this.”

“Have you talked to her to see what she really wants? I would just encourage her to go for her dream and to keep an open mind. She and her boyfriend really needs to sit down and have a rational conversation, maybe even with someone refereeing in case something would get out of hand.”

Visit Ivillage.com for more information on dealing with your teenagers.