Teen Run-Away(s): A prevention Strategy
Runaway teens, seemingly unmanageable, desperate, desolate, lonely AND alone… they run, in one of two directions:(i) away from something, someone, a bad situation, perceived threat, disciplined unloving and/or abusive, or in more complex cases of troubled teen run-aways a loving home environment where there are for them, in their minds no real future; or maybe in the other direction
(ii) towards something, the unknown, safety, a life where they can live according to their own rules, not answering to anyone else, where they can be independent, make the rules, be their own boss, independence and freedom to do as they please and answer to no-one… the list could go on and on hypothetically speaking.
You would just have to speak to the various runaway teens, far away from the warmth of their homes and beds, living on the streets, a risky choice, but sometimes the only choice, in their minds or realistically speaking depending on each unique individual story and situation.
Early warning signs might sometimes be helpful to parents in assessing the risks of a teen run-away:
- Attempts to communicate result in arguments, raised voices, interruptions, name calling, hurt feelings and failure to reach an acceptable agreement.
- The child has a network of friends who are largely unsupervised, oppositional, defiant, involved with drugs and other antisocial behaviors.
- An increasing pattern of impulsive, irrational and emotionally abusive behavior by either the parent(s) or teenager.
Dr. Conner, a respected, licensed psychologist practicing clinical, medical and family psychology in Oregon, USA, notes a couple of suggested steps to take to reduce the risk of a teen run-away and focusing on supportive communication as part of an overall teen prevention strategy:
- Keep the conversation flowing and positive - Never dare your child to run away because you think they may not, use sarcasm, name-calling, labeling, a negative attitude that demonstrates lack of respect
- Never raise your voice or yell - especially when your teenager is raising their voice or yelling. Stay calm, quiet, make eye contact, and don’t respond if your child is angry, shouting or in a rage. Wait until they are calm.
- Never interrupt your teenager when they are talking or trying to explain something - even if you disagree. Wait until they are done. Remind yourself that simply listening and telling your child that you understand does not mean you will agree when they are finished, nor does it mean you will do what they seem to want.
- Communicate understanding - Tell your teenager that you understand what they are saying or “I’m not sure I understand, …tell me again.” When you don’t agree and you are certain that you understand your teenager’s point of view (and your teenager believes you understand) tell your teenager. “I think I understand, but I don’t agree with you. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don’t have to agree. Never explain yourself or argue if your child expects you to justify the fact that you do not agree, ask “Is there anything else you want to tell me.”
- If you get overwhelmed or upset, tell your child “I’m overwhelmed and a little upset. I need a break and a chance to calm down and think about this.” Then tell them you want a 20 minute (or so) break and then you will talk to them again. Be sure to take a break.
Additional Resources:
don’t let the title fool you. Your teen doesn’t need to be totally out of control for you to reap the
benefits of this great program because it is great for any parent of strong-willed children.
Startling teen drinking statistics.
A close up look at teen marijuana use!
