What to do if your child is faced with bullying at school

(ARA) – If your child is being bullied, she’s not alone. About 160,000 children in the United States miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students, according to the National Education Association.

Bullying is a serious problem that is growing worse, and is taking on new forms through the use of the Internet and mobile phones, say educators. Some estimates say that 25 percent of American children experience direct or indirect bullying daily.

Broadly speaking, bullying can involve any number of behaviors, according to Findlaw.com, a leading online source of legal information, including sexual harassment of another student, teasing, excluding a student, calling a student names, physically pushing or attacking, threatening or hazing, spreading rumors, damaging or stealing belongings, or demanding money.

On The Net

Cyber-bullying, a relatively new form of bullying, takes place over the Internet through social media websites and forums, or through mobile devices. Many pre-teens and teens prefer to communicate with one another through texting on their mobile devices. Because kids can share messages quickly with a large group of students, cyber-bullying can be especially effective in spreading rumors about a student or harassing a student through the sharing of photos. Because this is a relatively new area of harassment, many school districts are still trying to determine the reach of their authority in off-campus cyber-bullying attacks.

Bullying can have far-reaching consequences for the victim, the perpetrators and other students, who indirectly become distracted from their studies out of fear of becoming a bully’s next victim. Bullying has been cited as a factor in teen suicides as well as in a number of on-campus shooting massacres, including the infamous and tragic Columbine High School incident. In that case, media reports suggested that both of the shooters were victims of bullying.

Historically, bullying among school children has not been a topic of broad public concern. In fact, some adults may view bullying as a rite of passage for children and youth, as popularized on the big screen and on TV programs. Because of events like Columbine, attention to bullying among children has increased dramatically among school personnel, members of the general public and policymakers. Today, according to Findlaw.com, 43 states have some form of anti-bullying laws in place, complementing anti-bullying policies established at the local level by private and public school boards.

More Tips For You

Talk to your child. A lot of times your child will not want to talk about being bullied because they perceive it as embarrassing and humiliating. If you notice a change in your child’s behavior and attitudes, approach him first. Offer your support and let him know that action will be taken to improve the situation. Your child will most likely be feeling isolated at school and it’s important for him to know that he can confide in you.

Document facts. Take pictures of any injuries and have your child give a detailed description of what happened. Write down the dates and times that these situations occurred and get statements from any other students, teachers or parents who may have observed the bullying. This information may be useful if police and school officials need to get involved to prove how long this has been going on and what the damage has been.

Bullying At School

Talk to teachers and the principal. Don’t wait. Immediately contact the school and alert school officials to the problems that your child is facing. Many schools are adopting a zero-tolerance policy toward bullying. Alert other adults about this situation as well, including parents of other children and the bus driver. The more people who are aware of bullying, the more chances the act has of being stopped.

Put it in writing. In addition to talking directly to teachers and the school principal, put your concerns into writing to the principal, the superintendent and school board members. While many schools have adopted zero-tolerance policies, some school officials and teachers may not take seriously their own school’s bullying policies, or for that matter, state laws regarding bullying. Putting your concerns in writing sends a strong signal that you mean business.

Encourage others to speak up. If the same child is bullying other students, persuade parents to report it too. School officials are more likely to respond immediately if they see the problem is affecting several students.

Call the police. Many states require schools to report bullying incidents to the police, according to Findlaw.com. If your child has been the victim of a physical assault or repeated incidents of bullying, call the local authorities – especially if your school has not contacted local authorities.

Talk with a lawyer. If your child has been physically or sexually harassed contact an attorney. Attorneys who specialize in personal injury litigation are probably best suited to represent you and your child.

To learn about the law and what to do if your child is being bullied, visit Findlaw.com.

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Whether the new college student is staying at home or going to live at the college dorm, there are some things that need to be done to show the teen how to prepare for college. This isn’t just a new experience for the student, but for the  parents as well. That means both parties should be ready to handle this new phase of life.

Paperwork: Naturally, one of the most important things to wrap up is the paperwork. Those who don’t prepare for college by filling out the correct paperwork may find themselves lacking when it comes to classes, supplies and even financial aid. Check to be sure that the paperwork for the following areas is covered: Financial aid, housing, academic schedule, admissions paperwork and testing.

Supplies: Take the summer to learn what is needed to take to college. Visit yard sales and outlet stores to find decent deals on things like a dorm fridge and organizational supplies. Update schedules and address books to reflect your schedule and maintain contact with family members and friends.

Vehicle: Whether you’re going to be riving to school every day or you plan to stay on campus and come home on weekends, you’ll need to be sure that you have a well maintained vehicle. It would be a horrible thing to miss a class or trip home because you forgot to change the oil!

Medical: Whenever you are going to a new area, it’s a good idea to take the time to visit your family doctor and make sure all medical issues are taken care of. Fill prescriptions that you can and transfer what you are able to so that there are no last minute problems getting your medications when needed.

Communication: If the student doesn’t already have a cell phone, now might be the time to get one. Family plans offer discounts for family members to talk to each other. This could be a great way to save money on phone bills, including long distance charges if the student is moving out of the area.

Goodbye: It’s always a good idea to plan some sort of get together so that people can say goodbye to those that are leaving for college. Don’t underestimate what an enormous change this is going to be. Parents and young  adults alike are usually nervous at this time. It’s not a bad idea to take the time to talk about fears, concerns and goals with loved ones. Parents should be careful to not overburden their children with expectations and anxieties, just as children should not underestimate the advice that parents give them. Now is the time to talk to each other as adults about to take an unfamiliar step together.

Written by Lorraine Nyc – Featured Mental Health Contributor; Featured Parenting Contributor

Here are some resources you may find valuable when helping your teen prepare for college:

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These are subjects you’ll want to talk about with your children before there is a problem. As a family, you can establish boundaries and consequences and come to a common understanding of what is acceptable.

Sex: According to Advocates for Youth, statistics indicate that children who talk to their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as having sex without condoms. 70.6% of teens who reported they didn’t feel comfortable talking to their parents had sex by age 17-19. That compares to 57.9% of teens who reported a close relationship.

It’s true. Not talking to your children about sex isn’t that likely to keep them from doing it. But the opposite is also true. Talking to them about it, isn’t more likely to have them engaging in sexual activity. If it means having sexually active children behaving maturely, talking things out can only help keep our kids safer.

If you think your child is already having sex, chat with them about it. Don’t get angry, but approach it in a calm and reasonable manner. Talk to them about your experiences and be honest. If your child has a boyfriend/girlfriend and things seem to be getting serious, start the conversation if you haven’t already. Above all, make sure they are being safe.

Drugs & Alcohol: Many professionals agree that when parents talk to their kids about drugs and alcohol, those discussions are very likely to shape the child’s attitude about those subjects.

Before you talk to your kids – educate yourself. Check with your local school, library or even look online for the straight facts about drugs and alcohol. Simply telling your kids, “Drugs and alcohol are dangerous,” isn’t going to be as efficient as truly illustrating the very real dangers of substance abuse. Try not to lecture, listen to what your kids have to say and really talk about the issues.

As always, keep it casual. If you spend time with your teenagers and keep the lines of communication open, bringing up the subject is much easier.

Signs of Drug & Alcohol Use: Look out for these tell-tale signs that your child might be using drugs or alcohol:

• Loss of interest in family and other usual activities
• Not living up to responsibilities.
• Verbally or physical abusiveness.
• Coming home late.
• Increased dishonesty.
• Declining grades.
• Severe mood swings.
• Big change in sleeping patterns..

Understand that a lot of the above signs, especially near the top of the list, could mean a multitude things. Teenagers who are depressed can act in similar ways. When approaching your child, don’t be accusatory. Try to connect with them and see what’s really happening in their lives.

Parenting Your Teen Program: How To Handle Your Teenager And All Situations Involving Him Or Her In A True “WIN-WIN” Manner And Develop The Co-Operative, Down-To-Earth, Frustration-Free Relationship That You’ve Always Wanted

By the time your child has reached the terrible twos, you will already know his or her personality quite well. By this tender young age, your child will have already started taking his or her first wobbly steps towards independence. At that age and even younger, you as a parent tend to actively support this burgeoning independence with encouragement and assistance, helping your child reach whatever goal it is he or she is trying to reach, whether it is walking independently, learning to talk. You are your child’s best cheerleader.

As your child grows, you continue to support that independence by helping him or her learn how to ride a bike, encouraging him or her to do well in school, and allowing him or her certain privileges like staying up late or going places with friends.  This continued support that you provide to your kids as they become more independent can build a strong foundation for self-esteem.

So what happens between the time your child wakes up at age 8 or 9 and the time he or she wakes up at age 12 or 13? Do you, as a parent, simply realize how quickly the time is going and try to slow it down? Do you suddenly not want to support your child or prevent him or her from reaching the next stage of development? Of course not!. But it does get more difficult to support independence when it is accompanied by sharp jabs, mouthy comments, and disrespect!

In many cases, parents end up in a catch-22. They have created a young person who has the expectation of increasing independence and support from Mom and Dad, because they have always been given the tools they need to get to the next stage in life. But parents often start holding back on providing these tools as their kids get older, either from discomfort or from thinking the teen is moving too quickly toward the next step. When this kind of tension happens, it can quickly lead to disaster and a broken relationship between you and your teen.

As your child enters the teen years, the most important thing you can do is continue to support his or her independence. This does not mean that you let your teen run free. In fact, I often think that parents have it backwards: they think it is important to be home with their kids when they are little, but I think it is when your teens start facing major life pressures and decisions that they need you most.

Take a hands-on role in your teen’s life. Help your teen learn to make good decisions, but let your teen actually take some control of his or her life. You can do this by letting your teen choose his or her high school classes, allowing him or her to participate in a team sport, or letting your teen get a part-time after school job and have control over the money earned.

By letting your teen take steps toward becoming an adult, and by supporting those steps even when you do not necessarily agree with them, you provide your teen with the tools he or she will need to survive out in the “real” world.

Norbert Georget is an accomplished professional speaker, teen motivator and author of the book, No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager.  Learn  How To Feel Like A Good Parent Even When Your Teenager Hates You.

Stress is a normal part of life. How we choose to deal with it, however, is an entirely different subject. As a parent or grandparent, it’s important to know how to help teens deal with stress effectively.

Today it’s unusual to see a teen simply relaxing. There are expectations from family, teachers, and friends, as well as technology and activities to keep them busy. Some studies suggest a third of all children suffer from undue stress. In fact, young children are beginning to show signs of chronic stress in ever-increasing numbers, enough to concern health professionals.
Listen to the children in your life and learn to recognize the symptoms of being overly stressed. They may act out, whine incessantly, or try to isolate themselves if they’re not verbal yet. Older children may show a lack of patience, become stubborn, or have trouble concentrating. They may also express physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach-aches, or lack of energy. Pay attention to the symptoms and try to determine if they’re caused by stress or if they’re simply misbehaving.

Teach your child to recognize the difference between being relaxed and being stressed. Explain how stress might make them feel tense or stiff like a piece of wood. Help them learn to relax by tensing their muscles and the letting the tension go. When they can tense and release their muscles at will, they’ll be able to learn to relax more efficiently.
Be available for them. Perhaps part of your child’s stress is caused by everyone in the family being too busy. Your child needs to know they can find you if they need you. You might want to reduce the number of activities your family is involved in so you’re more available for them. Take time to spend alone with them if you notice them starting to become apprehensive.

Try to be patient with them. The old saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” can be applied to your child learning to deal with stress as well. Learning to deal with stress takes time and your child needs you to be patient with them while they learn.

Have some fun with your child. There is little that can beat laughter for reducing stress in children and in adults. Play games with them, watch silly movies, or just enjoy listening to their goofy jokes. You’ll both feel better and less stressed.

It’s important to remember that stress is common to nearly everyone. And while adults have years of experience dealing with stress, that’s not so for the children in their lives. Your child depends on you to help them learn how to deal with stress. This can begin at an early age and continue until they are in their teens. By the time they’re adults and able to better understand stress, they’ll have mastered dealing with it effectively.

Click here to Learn How To Handle Your Teenager And All Situations Involving Him Or Her In A True “WIN-WIN” Manner And Develop The Co-Operative, Down-To-Earth, Frustration-Free Relationship That You’ve Always Wanted.

Additional Guidance dealing with Teenage Stress is here.