Parenting My Teen

When excited new parents bring their newborn baby home, the last thing they think of is that their little bundle of joy may be an alcoholic one day. They especially don’t think about the chance that their baby could be an alcoholic before he or she leaves high school. Those are tough issues that many parents don’t want to think about – regardless of how old their child is. However, the sad truth is that underage drinking is a major problem that many pre-teens and teenagers are around every day. The good news is that, as parents, you can make a major difference in your teen’s life in regards to underage drinking.

There are many parents out there that believe the best way to deter their teens from drinking is to downplay it and allow them to drink alcohol while under their supervision at home. While this may seem like a good idea in theory, it isn’t. In fact, when parents provide their teens with alcohol at home, they get the idea that “it’s no big deal” and they don’t see a problem drinking when they’re out with the rest of their underage friends.

Another way parents deal with the issue of underage drinking is by ignoring the issue altogether. Ignoring the issue of underage drinking completely may make your teen think that you are oblivious to everything that goes on outside your home. When your teen begins to feel this way, he or she may start to sneak around and do things behind your back because they don’t think they will ever get caught. While it usually starts with alcohol, unfortunately that isn’t where it ends. When parents choose to overlook the fact that their teen is around underage drinking, or participating in the act, the door to drugs opens.

Many other parents try to protect their teens from the temptation of alcohol by forcing intensely strict rules on their teens. While these rules are usually implemented with good intentions, they often have a negative effect on kids. When you set rules that are extremely strict on your teen in fear that he or she may go out and get drunk, you may just push your teen into a nasty rebellion. If your teen doesn’t rebel in high school, he or she may go overboard in college when you can’t control them any longer. You definitely don’t want either of those to occur. So, what can you do to help your teen steer clear of underage drinking?

The best thing you can do is talk to your teen before he or she enters high school. In fact, it’s best if you start talking to them about the negative effects of alcohol while they are in middle school as a lot of kids are trying alcohol before they leave 8th grade. Don’t be afraid to be open with your kids about alcohol and what it can do. If you came from an alcoholic home, tell your kids about your experience. Your kids want to hear what you think about important issues like this – even if they say otherwise.

When you talk to your teens about alcohol, listen to their thoughts and opinions with an objective mind. Make sure you don’t talk to them in a condescending manner. When you set house rules for your teen, don’t be overly strict. Let them know you trust them, but if they betray your trust there will be consequences. Basically, just be open with your teen about underage drinking. Talking about underage drinking objectively is the best way to protect your teen from it.

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Fifty years ago the worst thing a parent had to worry about their teenager doing was skipping class, smoking or drinking. Those three things were terrible at the time, but today those aren’t the worst things kids can be doing. Drugs are one of the worst fears many parents have. This is because teenagers are getting high from marijuana, ecstasy, heroine and a host of others. These things can be extremely debilitating and have the ability to ruin a teen’s young life if addiction occurs. Therefore, parents need to do all they can in order to protect their teens from the influence of drugs.

If you are a parent to a teenager, or pre-teen, then you may think your kids don’t want to hear anything you have to say because they are under the impression that you have no clue what you are talking about. While this may be true to an extent, it has been shown that 66% of teens don’t do drugs because they don’t want to lose their parents’ respect for them. This should tell you immediately that parents really are the best anti-drug for their teens.

To be an effective anti-drug for your teen, you have to be more than your teen’s friend. You have to be a parent – the figure of authority that your teen looks up to. Having your teen’s respect is the key to protecting him from drugs. Below are several ways you can get this respect from your teen.

Communicate Effectively: As technology continues to advance, our communication skills seem to decrease. This is because parents and kids alike spend so much time watching television, playing video games, working on the computer, texting friends, etc. It wasn’t always like this. Families used to actually do things together at night and on the weekends, and because our society doesn’t any more, parents and teenagers don’t have the open lines of communication those of generations past did. It is important that you begin working on this immediately if you want to protect your kids from drugs. Communicate with them how you feel about drugs and the harm they can come from them. Don’t push the subject, but instead openly talk about it in a casual manner whenever the opportunity arises.

Keep Tabs: A lot of parents don’t pay attention to what their teens are out doing because they feel like it’s an “invasion of privacy.” Well, you’re their parents and you have a right to know where they’re going, who they’re with and when they’ll be home. While this won’t be immediately appreciated, years down the road your kids will thank you for paying attention to them. Believe it or not, keeping tabs on your teens actually conveys to them how much you love and care for them.

Get Involved: This is more than keeping tabs on your teens. It means that you start to take an interest in the things they enjoy. If your teenager has a hobby, make an effort to learn about it. You might even ask your teen to teach you how to do it. If your teen plays sports or participates in any extracurricular activities, make an effort to attend some of the events. It’s important that you are involved in your teenager’s life.

Set Boundaries: Your teen needs to know exactly what you expect from him or her as far as behavior goes. Set this out clearly in the form of house rules and set appropriate consequences if the rules are broken. Teens need to know they’re loved and setting boundaries is one way to show them that.

Recommended Resource: Out Of Control Teen

It’s every parent’s worst nightmare – finding out that their teen is using drugs.  Before you panic, you need to gather as much information as you can to assess the situation.  While a knee jerk reaction is normal, it can cause more damage than good when dealing with teenagers and drug or alcohol issues.  If you have found out about the substance abuse through a third party, refrain from confronting the teen until you have calmed down and created a plan of action.  If your teen has come to you themselves, they obviously know they are in deep waters.  Stern lecturing may seem like a good idea, but it may not be the right approach for a scared young person that is seeking your help.

Once a drug or alcohol, or even both, problem has been uncovered, it is important to find out just how deep into it the teen is.  Teens may experiment with different substances because of peer pressure or because of boredom, depression or stress.  Talking with teens early and frequently about the dangers of drugs and alcohol can help give them the words and actions to decline to participate in their use.

Parents should familiarize themselves with the different types of drugs that teens may encounter.  This will give parents some clues to keep an eye out for as to side effects and symptoms of drug and alcohol addiction.  Illegal street drugs, such as cocaine or marijuana, are still abundantly available and you may be most familiar with these types of drugs.  Unfortunately, there are newer drugs being introduced to the population all the time.  Ecstasy and “acid” are popular as they greatly change the perceived reality, which may appeal to teens that are dealing with other issues such as depression or abuse.  Over-the-counter medications have also become popular to abuse, such as cough medications and diet pills.  These are relatively easy to acquire, cheap, and extremely dangerous.   Alcohol is also easy to get for teens, especially for those with older siblings that are willing to buy it for them, or parents with unguarded liquor cabinets.

Another surprising drug addiction in teenagers are steroids.  Despite being involved in athletics, which are supposed to help protect children from the dangers of drugs, sometimes teens are driven by competition or pressure from coaches to use steroids to improve their game and increase their muscle mass.  Steroids are extremely dangerous to the still developing bodies of teens and can create lifelong issues that they will never recover from.

Parents cannot monitor their child’s behavior 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  They can only guide their children in the right direction, and it is up to the teen to make the right decision when it comes to drug and alcohol use.  By educating children early and consistently, parents can give their kids the right information to withstand the pressures that surround them as they travel through the teen year.

Out of Control Teen is chock full of useful information, tools and tips to help you with your out of control teen. Click here for more information.

Most parents can remember the underage drinking that took place when they were in high school. While teenage drinking wasn’t as bad as it is today, it was still a concern for parents back then. Today, however, not only do parents of high school teens have to worry about alcohol, they also have to worry about drug abuse as well. In fact, the use of alcohol and drugs is one of the biggest problems high school teens face today. The good news is that there are several things that parents can do to help their teens avoid the problems caused by using drugs and alcohol in high school.

Setting rules is one of the best things parents can do for their teen during his high school years. Rules are designed to give teens a clear set of expectations – and when teens know their parents expectations, they are more likely going to try to measure up to them. The flip side to setting rules is that parents need to establish punishments for when the rules are broken – and enforce them! While it may seem small, setting rules can play a huge role in whether or not your teen experiments with drugs and alcohol during high school.

Parents can also help monitor their teen by getting to know his friends. By getting to know the friends, parents are able to get a better understanding of how their teen acts when away from home. For example, is your teen hanging out with people that are into going to parties or are they teens that are focused on their schoolwork? Basically, if you want to learn more about your teen, study his friends.

Another way parents can help their teen steer clear of the high school drug and alcohol scene is by spending time with him and keeping the lines of communication open. Studies have shown that teens that have a good relationship are less likely to try drugs and alcohol compared to those that don’t. Therefore, make time to do something fun with your teen each week and always take an interest in their day and talk to them!

While high school is the time when teens get more freedom, parents should still keep close tabs on them. It is important that you know where your teen is outside of school – especially at night and on the weekends. Make it a point to ask who he will be with and where he is going – and, don’t be afraid to check up on him from time to time. It may seem like spying, but how will you ever find out if your teen is telling you the truth if you don’t ever validate his story?

If you follow the four tips above, you will be taking a huge step towards preventing your teen from experimenting with drugs and alcohol during high school. However, parents also need to be aware of the warning signs that indicate drug and alcohol use. If you notice several of the symptoms below present in your teen, do not hesitate to take action. Many drug and alcohol addictions started in high school.

-       An increased need for privacy

-       A drop in class grades

-       A new group of friends

-       Evidence such as bloodshot eyes, alcohol on the breath, drug paraphernalia, unfamiliar medications, etc.

-       A sudden interest in mouthwashes and colognes/perfumes

-       Missing medications

-       Frequently asking for money

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Teenage binge drinking is a serious problem. In fact, 90% of the alcohol consumed by teens is consumed in the form of teenage binge drinking.

No matter how you put it out there on the table the facts are scary. You can get the statistics from anywhere – Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) reports that more than 5 million high school teenagers experience binge drinking at least once per month. However, it could be higher or lower depending on the specific teenager, who they’re with, and how often they attend high school parties. The fact of the matter is that it happens all across the United States. You may think that your teen is not involved with this sort of behavior, but think again. What child would want to tell their parents that they binge drink on the weekend? And just so we’re clear, teenage binge drinking is usually defined as having 5 or more drinks on any one occasion. No matter how you look at it, five or more drinks in high school usually means that it is enough to get the teenager drunk, if that tells you anything.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism has created the Leadership to Keep Children Alcohol Free. What is their main purpose in doing so? Its main goal is to keep alcohol away from children ages 9 through 15. The implications of having such an organization are daunting! Why, in fact, does the United States need such a Leadership? The answer is because teenagers are starting to binge drink at an earlier age, with over 40% of high school sophomores indicated that they have been drunk at least once, as the Leadership to Keep Children Alcohol Free reports. In addition, they also have found, through studies and reports, that nearly 20% of junior high school teenagers have experienced the same thing! Those two facts beg the question, “What is going on?”

It seems as though their needs to be some way for teenagers, high schoolers and junior high schoolers alike, to realize that binge drinking and drinking just to have that experience are not the ways to have fun. Studies have also shown that binge drinking reduces a student’s ability to remember what they learned in class. Furthermore, shouldn’t the amount of automobile crashes involving alcohol be enough to convince children and teenagers that it is most definitely not a safe thing to do?

One solution to the problem would be to create other positive influences in the teenager’s life that they can cling to instead of alcohol. If there is something wrong within the family or if a family is experiencing some sort of trauma, teenagers and high school kids are more likely to drink. The Leadership to Keep Children Alcohol Free is educating the public, families, and the States of their own children’s’ drinking problems, hoping to reduce the number of children ages 9 through 15 who drink on a regular basis through education. Indeed, whole communities need to get involved and make this a city-wide and state-wide goal. Achieving a teenager binge drinking rate close to zero percent would almost be a miracle, but it is possible! In the meantime, educate your kids on why not to drink and why they should stay alcohol free. America can change this trend, one child and high schooler at a time! Leadership to Keep Children Alcohol Free. (http://www.alcoholfreechildren.org/)

By Matthew Schieltz

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