Parenting My Teen

As a parent, we like to think we can shield our children from the worst in life until they are old enough to handle it. Realistically, we do what we can, but even our elementary school kids deal with serious issues. A recent news story brought this to mind: Demi Lovato, a Disney starlet, entered a residential treatment center last year, and now was telling the world about her struggle with an eating disorder, one she developed at eight years old. It started with compulsively overeating, and progressed to purging, and/or severely restricting eating. At eleven years old, without a healthy way to deal with her emotions, she started mutilating her own body. To be sure, her life as an actress and singer in the Disney family was anything but typical, but it is still distressing for a parent to think that a child could keep this level of distress hidden. She is now on a crusade (the Love is Louder project with Seventeen Magazine), revealing all of her struggles to help other girls avoid the same path. If we parents are paying attention, we can learn from her too, and help our children by being informed and aware.

We are the strongest influences over our children. What we say matters, and what we do matters more. One study showed that 46% of the 9-11 year olds surveyed are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets, and 82% of their families are also “sometimes” or “very often” on diets. That is startling and sad. What can we do to instead promote positive attitudes about weight and health?

Stop the fat talk

If you make negative remarks about your body, make a conscious effort to stop. When you cut yourself down, you are undermining your own self-confidence a little at a time, and teaching your kids to treat themselves the same way. If you find yourself looking down on other people for their weight and appearance, work to overcome that habit. Be respectful of all shapes and sizes, and insist on the same from those around you: family, friends, co-workers. You are shaping the world that your kids will inhabit very soon.

Cultivate healthy attitudes

Exercise because it is good for you, and because you appreciate the strength and energy it gives you. Enjoy your food and be selective about what food you enjoy. Sit down for meals, and involve your kids in their preparation. Keep the rules about food to a minimum – they end up being more about control than nourishment. For example, set meal and snack times are good, but there should be no rewards or punishments for eating or not eating. Comfort with your arms and words, not food.

 Signs your child may have an eating disorder

Chances are, if your son or daughter is binging or restricting their food, they are trying to hide it from you. Unfortunately, these behaviors are disturbingly pervasive in teenage girls, and increasingly so in teenage boys, particularly those involved in sports with weight restrictions like wrestling. One 2005 study found that over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.

 Be alert for a combination of these signs, adapted from Helpguide.org and Something-Fishy.org

• Preoccupation with body or weight
• Distorted, negative self-image
• Wearing loose clothing to hide weight loss or body shape
• Obsession with calories, food, or nutrition
• Constant dieting, even when thin
• Rapid, unexplained weight loss or weight gain
• Taking laxatives, diet pills, or steroids
• Compulsive exercising
• Making excuses to get out of eating
• Avoiding social situations that involve food
• Going to the bathroom right after meals, running water to hide vomiting sounds
• Eating in isolation, in secret, or at night
• Hoarding high-calorie food
• Visiting websites that promote unhealthy weight loss 

Tips for bringing up a touchy topic

Eating disorders are a cry for help, and as a parent, you are the first responder. This probably won’t be a pleasant conversation, but it need not be a dramatic, emotional confrontation. That kind of interventions is sometimes necessary as a last resort when the victim is in deep denial and mortal danger. You, on the other hand, are just being a nosy, caring parent, probing for the first signs of trouble. This is still necessary, however. Your son or daughter can recover from an eating disorder, but the longer it persists the harder it will be for them. Consider also getting therapy yourself or joining a support group such as Overeaters Anonymous.

• Don’t expect too much from the first conversation. There is a lot of shame wound up in disordered eating, and your child’s first reaction will likely be to get defensive or deny there is a problem. Be patient and do not take their emotional displays personally.
• Find a therapist knowledgeable about eating disorders that you trust. Your love and support are necessary and helpful, but you can make up for your lack of training and experience by teaming up with a professional. 
• Focusing on your nonjudgmental concern will be most productive, for example, “it scares me when I hear you throwing up” rather than anger or guilt trips like “How could you do this to your mother?”
• Do mention moments when you were concerned for them.
• Avoid comments about their appearance, or the amount of food they are eating. Comments such as “you are too skinny” or “you just need to be careful what you eat” only reinforce an obsession with weight and desire for control.
• Be positive. Keep the setting and timing neutral and comfortable. Especially if your child is familiar with Demi Lovato, watching the interview about her treatment and recovery might help you raise difficult questions.  

Hope for the future

A full recovery is possible, and your support is an integral factor. Demi is doing great with the support of her family, friends, and fans. She seems to be making all the right choices, though only time will tell if the changes she has made are permanent ones.
If you are concerned, educate yourself with the resources available at the National Institute of Mental Health site, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Parent Toolkit, or call the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237. Reach out and get support for yourself too, whether from a support group or a therapist, so you can remain strong for your child and the rest of your family.

Menstruation (a period) is a major stage of puberty in girls; it’s one of the many physical signs that a girl is turning into a woman.  Unfortunately, the changes a girl’s body goes through during the teen years can result in menstrual difficulties. Most of the time, these problems disappear with maturity; but in the meantime,  you’ll need some coping mechanisms. Here is a partial list of common period problems  and some period help for girls that experience them. 

Heavy Bleeding

Really heavy menstrual bleeding (medically known as menorrhagia) can affect your social and academic life. You may find that you simply can’t do things with friends or family because your bleeding is so profuse. To make things even worse, sometimes these heavy periods can go on for days and days. To help manage this kind of bleeding, here are some tips.

* Take a good multi-vitamin that is high in Vitamin A and Vitamin K. It should also include Vitamin E and zinc, as these are important for the metabolism of Vitamin A. Sources report that girls who experience heavy periods are often deficient in Vitamin A. Vitamin K is important for blood clotting. 

* If you like spicy foods, up the ante! Capsicum, the “hot stuff” in peppers, has been shown to reduce menstrual bleeding. You can also take cayenne pepper tablets or capsules.

* An iron supplement might be appropriate if you have heavy bleeding. Check with your doctor before supplementing with iron, though, as overdose is an easy mistake to make. You could also eat iron-rich foods like lean red meat and dark, leafy greens.

* B-complex vitamins are also important, especially B6.

* Cut back on sugar, as the body uses up B6 to metabolize sugar, and you need that B6 to do its job elsewhere!

Painful Cramps

Some menstrual cramps can be excruciating and last hours or even days. If your pain is very severe and lasts a long time, and doesn’t go away even if you take painkillers, you should see your doctor. For normal cramps, here are some tips to help you manage.

* Take magnesium supplements. Magnesium helps relieve muscle cramps, including uterine ones. A magnesium and calcium combination is a good idea.

* Get regular exercise to help regulate your body’s systems (including your hormonal system) and increase circulation and muscle relaxation.

* If you have to take over-the-counter pain relievers, it’s worth noting that these substances work by blocking pain-causing prostaglandins in the body. However, they block the body’s beneficial prostaglandins, too, which may ultimately make PMS symptoms worse.

PMS

Premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, is a common and sometimes difficult problem for all menstruating women, but for teen girls, it may be more of a struggle. Coping with PMS is possible – here are some ideas.

* Recognize the signs and the timing. If you know it’s coming, you can prepare for it.

* A diet high in whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables may help. In fact, some medical professionals have devised a “PMS Diet” that includes vitamin supplements and no refined grains, sugar, or artificial colors and preservatives.

Above are many ideas that include great period help for girls.  Be sure to share this article with others that may get some use from it.

Stress itself is a person’s reaction to life changes, and there is hardly a time in one’s life with more changes than the teen years! Added on to all these life changes is the fact that there is a lot going on in the life of the average teen – concerns about appearance, extracurricular activities, friends, school projects, social events, and so forth can all converge on teens at once.

Below are some tips related to stress reduction for teens:

Deep Breathing

Really? Just breathing deeply makes everything go away? Not exactly! But deliberate, slow, deep breathing exercises can significantly increase your body’s coping mechanisms, sources say. This is why deep breathing is so often a component of meditation.

If you can get a few quiet minutes, breathe slowly through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. When you inhale, fill your lungs up entirely, breathing down toward your lower abdomen. As you do this, remind yourself that you can handle this, and that this stress won’t last forever.

List Making

One of my favorite tips for stress reduction for teens is list-making.  This may be something your parents are always on at you about. But it really can help relieve stress to make lists of what you have to do. This is why adults do it!

Make lists of things you have to do today (study for a test, finish homework, go to band practice, etc.), then a list of things that must be done this week (write a paper, attend track meet), and then a list of long-term things to do (request applications from colleges, read assigned book for English class). Seeing everything on paper may make it look more manageable. From that point, you can begin to estimate how long each task will take and schedule it on a calendar.

Avoid Too Much Caffeine

Yes, teen stress seems to make you want more and more caffeine; stress can wear you out and cause you to feel tired. But many sources note that too much caffeine actually makes the underlying stress worse. This is because, at a basic level, caffeine stresses the body’s organs, particularly the liver and kidneys. You don’t need any more stress internally or externally!

Eat Well

Go for high-energy foods like nuts, seeds, lean protein and fruit, particularly berries and citrus for antioxidants and Vitamin C.

Rest

Of course, if you had time to rest, you wouldn’t be so stressed, right? Truthfully, though, getting a good night’s sleep is very important to helping your body and mind cope with stress. For teens, this could be up to nine or nine and a half hours of sleep a night. The more stressed you are, the more rest you need. Try to get to bed at a reasonable hour. 

By following the above tips on stress reduction for teens, you or your teen will soon be feeling a bit better.  For more resources on parenting teenagers, visit This Link!

If you are a teen or the parent of a teen who is depressed, getting treatment and teen depression resources is vital. There are various approaches to treating teen depression, from conventional to alternative. Here are some of those options.

Medication

Some parents balk at medicating their teens, but it may help to look at it as a temporary measure to help your teen seek other therapy. Sometimes the medication can help relieve symptoms to the point that your teen is receptive to other treatments.

Many teens are given SSRIs, or serotonin reuptake inhibitors. These include drugs like Zoloft, Paxil and Prozac; but these medications are known for their potentially harmful side effects. So make sure your teen is carefully monitored when he or she undertakes any medication treatment program.

Therapy

There are various types of therapy for teens with depression. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that gives teens the tools to “climb out of” their depressed state. CBT works on rewiring the brain from negative thought patterns to positive ones.

Counseling is another option for teens with depression. They may prefer to have the family included in a family counseling session. This can be very healing for the whole family, enhancing understanding and providing ways for family members to support the depressed teen. Individual counseling can also be helpful, especially for teens who are not comfortable opening up around their parents. 

Vitamins

B vitamins are considered essential for those who have mood disorders. Deficiencies in any of the B vitamins may result in depression, especially B1 and B6. A good B-complex vitamin supplement may help your teen deal with his or her depression and relieve some symptoms.

Supplements

The intake of healthy fats has been implicated in the relief of depression symptoms. Consider giving your teen supplements of flax, evening primrose, or fish oil. Also encourage the consumption of healthy fats in the diet, such as fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines) and olive oil.

Diet

A healthy diet should probably have been listed as number one! Teens often indulge in junk foods, and the artificial colors (particularly FD&C yellow #5), artificial flavors, and other unpronounceable ingredients in junk foods can wreak havoc on the body – specifically by upsetting hormones. Pesticide residue may also have a similar effect; eating organic foods can decrease your teen’s exposure to these potential hormone disruptors.

Exercise

Regular exercise is important in treating depression. Teens may spend too much time in front of computers or television, or tapping away on mobile devices. Enrolling in a class (martial arts, Pilates, aerobics, dance, etc.) would help your teen get out and get some social time, and also exercise his or her body. These may be helpful in relieving depression.

Parenting teenagers is a difficult job, and there is a lot involved in raising happy, healthy children. If you need more teen depression resources, click on the link above to gain some instant help. 

Depression in teens may manifest differently than it does in younger children and in adults. Also, teens tend to withdraw and become difficult to approach when they are depressed, making it hard to recognize and confront the signs and symptoms.
 
Nonetheless, depression is not uncommon among teens, for whom upheavals like problems at school, messy social lives and changing bodies are often things they have to deal with daily. To help your awareness regarding your teen’s emotional state, here is a teen depression checklist of signs and symptoms that may give you some insight.

Anger

Hostility and anger are often not thought of as signs of depression, but in some teens, this is the primary manifestation of it. Lashing out irrationally or expressing angry, violent ideas is something to be taken seriously. Teens who write or draw angry, violent subject matter should also be considered potentially depressed.

Withdrawal

Teens with depression tend to withdraw from their families and friends, staying in their bedrooms or other private area for hours at a time. Depression can make them feel tired and irritable, and they just want to be left alone.

Memory Loss and Confusion

A depressed teen may find themselves forgetting homework or test dates, or getting confused about times and dates. A teen that was previously successful in school may be unable to remember assignments and tests. Depression can also make a teen feel confused; they may be unable to make decisions or focus on a question long enough to answer it.

Lack of Motivation

Depression takes a teen’s sense of motivation away. They may not seem to care about their upcoming final exams, or about getting into college, or anything else that other teens are concerned about (or that he or she used to be concerned about). Poor grades may not seem to matter.

Eating Problems

A teen who overeats or under-eats may be depressed. Watch out for sudden weight gain or loss in your teen.

Tiredness

Depression can make a teen want to sleep all the time during the day, but it often robs them of sleep at night. Your teen may become excessively tired, and consequently without the energy to interact socially or otherwise engage in activities.

Feelings of Hopelessness and Worthlessness

Does your teen talk about feeling worthless? Do his (or her) comments indicate he dislikes himself or some aspect of himself? Does he approach life as a defeated person? Listen carefully for details in your teen’s speech and reactions to life.

Feeling Overwhelmed

If your teen overreacts when “one more thing” gets added to their plate of things to do, they may be depressed. Depression makes teens feel totally overwhelmed, so when your teen finds out that they have a quiz at school or a friend is taking a long vacation, they may break down, unable to handle one more thing.

It’s worth pointing out that teen depression, like all depression, should be taken seriously. It is not something you can just shake off and get over. It’s tempting to blow off such symptoms as teen moodiness, but to ignore these symptoms could do much more harm than good.

You may find the teen depression checklist useful if you fear you or your teenager/child is depressed. Remember that these points refer to changes in behavior. If you are concerned about your child, speak to them about it, and take them to see your doctor if you are still worried. 

Parenting teenagers is a difficult job, and there is a lot involved in raising happy, healthy children. If you notice any of the above signs of depression in teens, you need to address the problem immediately. Don’t wait for it to get worse.