Parenting My Teen

A lot of adults and parents become incredibly strict when they begin to catch a drift of defiance in teens. Many parents and guardians are totally baffled with how to handle an out of control teenager. While it’s true that most parents don’t want their child to become an out of control teen, this is exactly what can happen if you are too strict on them. In fact, you may already have a teen in your home that you feel is out-of-control. Below you will find three unconventional tips on how to handle an out of control teenager.

1. Tolerance: The last thing any parent or person in authority wants to do is tolerate the out-of-control behavior. However, some teens react much better, and even stop the undesirable behavior, when adults show a little tolerance. I’m not suggesting you just let your teen do whatever she wants, but I’m suggesting that you don’t blow up over every little thing. When it comes to learning how to handle an out of control teenager, it is imporant to daw a line between what is out of control behavior and what behaviors are not out of control.

You really need to consider your situation before you try implementing this tip. Take a look at the teen and try to look at things from her point of view. You may find that your teen is just trying to exercise a little independence. If this is the case, then find areas where you can show tolerance for your teen. For example, if your teen is in band and you require that she practices 30 minutes every day and you want it done right when she gets home, but she fights with you every day about it, and possibly leaves the house as a result, consider letting her make the decision when to practice…as long as it gets done before she goes to bed.

2. Ignore It: Many teens do things just to irritate their parents. In most cases, we’re talking about leaving laundry on the floor or speaking a particular way, but with out-of-control teens we’re usually talking about things like staying out past curfew or leaving the house without telling you where he’s going. If the behavior doesn’t involve anything that is either emotionally or physically harmful such as drugs or alcohol – then try ignoring it.

Sometimes when teens realize they aren’t going to get the reaction they are looking for from you any longer, they will stop the behavior altogether. Part of learning how to handle an out of control teenager is simply trying discern whether your teen is just trying to “push your buttons” or not. If so, try ignoring it and see what happens, you might be surprised!

3. Listen: One of the big mistakes parents of teenagers make is not listening. Many parents see things their teens are doing that they don’t agree with and they begin to lecture them about it…over and over again. This can contribute to your teen becoming an out-of-control teen. Therefore, try listening to your teenager.

Teens want to be viewed as adults and often times they act out, become disruptive and even out-of-control when they don’t feel this way. When you take the time to listen to your teen regarding their views, opinions and reasoning before you lecture, you may find your teen starts “coming around.” It’s okay to disagree with your teen – especially if they’re wrong, but at least ask for their reasoning and then, in a calm and non-judgmental way, explain why you feel the way you do.

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Communication with your teen can be what feels like a never ending battle. It seems as though it is a one-sided conversation. They are trying everything possible to get the answer they want and you are trying to make a decision about something they want. Teenagers will badger, sulk, plead, become aggressive, or even run to get their way. Parents tend to get backed into a corner when confronted with this type of communication eventually parents give in to their teen demands and the teen knows that they will give in if they continue to badger.

Anyone who has ever had a teenager will agree that being a parent is not an easy job. In fact, being a parent is more like running a marathon that never ends! Even when your kid are grown and out of the house, you are still a parent with the same worries for their safety, etc. While parenting in general is not an easy job, one of the most difficult times in your children’s lives to be a parent is during the teenage years.

Teenagers are constantly placed in new situations that cause them to experience new feelings and emotions that are hard to deal with and their brains are changing also, which makes these years very tumultuous. And, sometimes, teenagers go from emotional and frustrated to out of control. When this happens, parents of these teens feel helpless because they don’t know what to do to get their teenager the help they need and their family back on track. If you aren’t sure whether or not you have an out of control teenager, the symptoms below should help you decide.

1.      Constant Arguing with Parents and Other Authoritative Figures – Teens who are out of control often find it enjoyable to argue with their parents and other authoritative people. A lot of times, the teen is the one to instigate the arguments.

2.      Quick to Anger – Another sign that you have an out of control teen is that your teen is easily angered. Basically, it doesn’t take much to set your teen off. And, you also need to consider the level of angered that is displayed, it is generally much great than the normal “I’m frustrated” display of anger most teens exhibit.

3.      Deliberate Refusal to Follow Rules – Teens that are out of control, make it very clear that they do not have to follow anybody’s rules. They generally have no problem telling you that they aren’t going to follow the rules and will also purposely break the rules whenever they can.

4.      Refuses to Admit Fault – Out of control teenagers also refuse to admit that they are to blame for anything that happens. Basically, things always happen to them, they never do anything to cause the events. And, when something does happen, these teens are experts at creating excuses for why it wasn’t their fault and usually blame someone else for it.

After reading through the list of signs for out of control teens above, you should have a good idea of whether or not your teen is out of control or not. If you believe your teen is, then get your copy of the My Out of Control Teen eBook today. The book comes highly recommended from parents who have had out of control teens as it is full of helpful tips and tricks for helping your teen get out of this “slump” while helping you survive it!

Adolescence is full of opportunities for success and failure – and to be well-adjusted, adolescents need to experience both. Your daughter may miss the tie-breaking shot in a hockey game or be the only girl that doesn’t get invited to a high school party. Your son may blow his chance at a college scholarship. And every adolescent is likely to feel the rejection of their first break-up.

And though moms and dads can create a soft place to fall, depriving your adolescent of these experiences by protecting them from challenges and shielding them from the natural consequences of their actions can cause a lifetime of hardship.

Warning Signs—

Over-indulgent parents don’t like to see their kids hurting and instantly go into fix-it mode. Rather than letting their youngster experience the consequences of their decisions, these moms and dads step in to defend the youngster and alleviate any discomfort they may feel.

There is a fine line between responsible parenting and over-indulgent parenting. No one would tell a parent not to protect their youngster – just don’t over-protect. Parental involvement is essential for a youngster’s healthy emotional, social and academic development. But when your love and concern manifest in the following behaviors, you may have overstepped their bounds.

• A willingness to do anything to see your youngster succeed
• Blaming others for your adolescent’s problems
• Doing anything to make sure your adolescent doesn’t experience hardship, sadness, disappointment, anger or other difficult emotions
• Getting involved in every aspect of your adolescent’s life, including academics, dating and friends
• Giving in to your adolescent’s every demand
• Making demands of teachers, counselors, friends, coaches and others because the adolescent can’t or won’t resolve their own problem
• Minimizing or justifying your adolescent’s behaviors
• Needing to be liked or viewed as your adolescent’s friend rather than a parent
• Stepping in immediately when your adolescent is in distress
• Striving to make your adolescent happy all of the time
• Using cell phones, e-mail and instant messaging to stay in constant contact and hover around your youngster at all times

What’s Your Motivation?

In most cases, over-indulgent parents’ primary motivation is to protect their youngster from harm. But they may also be motivated by other less admirable intentions. For example, moms and dads may be partially motivated by a desire to look good in front of other parents by having their adolescent reflect positively on them.

For example, a parent may intervene at school and do their youngster’s homework assignments so that their adolescent can go to an Ivy League university. Although their primary goal may be to provide the brightest possible future for their youngster, they may also be acting out of a desire to look like “good” moms and dads.

Some parents are also driven by a desire to feel good about themselves. Moms and dads may view their family’s happiness as a measure of their own success. Although they want their families to be happy for the sake of each family member, they also protect their adolescents because they’ve lost their own identity apart from their youngster.

Parenting Tips—

Over-indulgent parents tend to produce kids who are fearful, anxious and lack confidence in their own abilities. Even though the moms and dads are undoubtedly acting out of love, their actions are often based on their own worries, fears and feelings, not necessarily what’s in the best interest of the youngster. If adolescents aren’t given the opportunity to face and overcome challenges, they never learn that they are capable of doing so.

My Out Of Control Teen:  A online parent-program for those who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers. learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.

Your teen’s self esteem is their mental foundation.  A self-assured childis confident, secure, happy, well-adjusted and successful. They can solve problems that come their way, and it thrives under a loving parent’s nurturing care.

What are some good ways to built self esteem in your teen?

Most importantly, accept your child for who they are, and help them do the same.   Teach your child that nobody is perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes.  Show them how to learn and grow from their mistakes, and let them know that you also make mistakes.   Children with high self esteem are able to take lessons from mistakes and apply them down the road.  A child with low self esteem become frustrated and resort to self-depreciating behavior, such as calling themselves ‘stupid’ and vowing to ‘never try that again.’

Help your child discover their abilities and talents, and encourage outlets for them to build on and improve them.  Praise a child not only for improvements in abilities and skills, but also for the traits they naturally possess.
Encourage your child to make positive choices.  Open an honest dialog with your child and discuss the possibilities with them.  Children who learn skills for making positive choices when they are younger are well-prepared for the tougher choices they have to make when they are older.

Ensure that you spend lots of quality time with your child, at least once a week. Whether you are shooting baskets or going out to grab a hamburger, take time to talk and keep in touch.  If you find it difficult to squeeze in quality time during a hectic week, take the time to talk about things during the drive to school or while they are helping you put the groceries away.

For more help in understanding your teen, check out the resources below: