Here is a listing of the top ten tips for parents of teens and preteens:

1.  Give your child choices.  Hopefully, you’ve been giving your child power over his or her own life in small ways all along, so that by the time your child becomes a teen, it is simply a natural progression.  If not, it’s okay to change the rules.  Let your teen know that you want him or her to have more control over his or her own life.  Give your teens choices that make them in control of their own lives.

2.  Let your child have a voice.  No, they aren’t in charge…and no, you don’t have to give a voice to rudeness or obnoxious behavior.  But if your child has an opinion, value him or her by listening – and considering.  Your child needs to feel like a valuable member of your family.

3.  You are the parent and the adult.  You have the power to end conversations when they turn into arguments; you have the emotional maturity to stay calm and reasonable when your child does not and cannot. 

4.  Your behavior sets a far more effective example to your child than your words.  Your overreaction, emotional outbursts, and violent reactions teach them that that is acceptable behavior.  Your ability to stay calm (count to ten, walk away, bite your tongue) teaches your child responsible mature behavior and gives them emotional management tools.

5.  Don’t do everything for your child.  When they have needs, help them learn how to meet their needs on their own.  Teach your child how to do laundry, cook, and clean (of course this may vary depending on the age of your child).  Don’t make it a chore; make it a fun way to help your child gain independence.  Stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

6.  You will reach your child more effectively by listening instead of talking.  Make sure your child knows you are there – and don’t just say you’re there, mean it.  Be available when your child needs to talk; make choices in your own life that demonstrate to your child his or her importance in your life.

7.  Don’t try to solve all of your childs’ problems. Instead of reacting with “You should do this” ask your child what they think should be done.  Praise your childs’ ability to think things through, guide them where necessary, and let them know you trust them to make the right choices.  The belief and faith you have in your child helps motivate them to make the right choices.  Again,  stop fighting all of your kid’s battles — It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

8.  Whether it’s a new concept in your house or something you’ve been doing all along, be consistent.  Behaviors should have consequences (good and bad).  Praise positive behavior and enforce consequences for negative behavior.

9.  Recognize that your child is not a bad person even when he or she is making bad choices.  Choose your words carefully – never call your child a derogatory name.  Address the choice they made, give consequences because of the choice.

10.  Treat your child as an individual.  Respect your child, recognize that while this is your child, he or she is also well on the way to being a unique and independent individual.  When you treat your children with respect, you set an example they can follow with you and others in life.

Following as many of these top ten tips for parents as you can and you will soon seen a positive change in the relationship that you have with your children.

I have organized a totally free coaching class where I will share strategies with you that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles your kids face.  It is totally free and is chock full of useful information that you can use immediately!  Sign up and perhaps there will be just one less whining adult in the world because of it.

A lot of adults and parents become incredibly strict when they begin to catch a drift of defiance in teens. Many parents and guardians are totally baffled with how to handle an out of control teenager. While it’s true that most parents don’t want their child to become an out of control teen, this is exactly what can happen if you are too strict on them. In fact, you may already have a teen in your home that you feel is out-of-control. Below you will find three unconventional tips on how to handle an out of control teenager.

1. Tolerance: The last thing any parent or person in authority wants to do is tolerate the out-of-control behavior. However, some teens react much better, and even stop the undesirable behavior, when adults show a little tolerance. I’m not suggesting you just let your teen do whatever she wants, but I’m suggesting that you don’t blow up over every little thing. When it comes to learning how to handle an out of control teenager, it is imporant to daw a line between what is out of control behavior and what behaviors are not out of control.

You really need to consider your situation before you try implementing this tip. Take a look at the teen and try to look at things from her point of view. You may find that your teen is just trying to exercise a little independence. If this is the case, then find areas where you can show tolerance for your teen. For example, if your teen is in band and you require that she practices 30 minutes every day and you want it done right when she gets home, but she fights with you every day about it, and possibly leaves the house as a result, consider letting her make the decision when to practice…as long as it gets done before she goes to bed.

2. Ignore It: Many teens do things just to irritate their parents. In most cases, we’re talking about leaving laundry on the floor or speaking a particular way, but with out-of-control teens we’re usually talking about things like staying out past curfew or leaving the house without telling you where he’s going. If the behavior doesn’t involve anything that is either emotionally or physically harmful such as drugs or alcohol – then try ignoring it.

Sometimes when teens realize they aren’t going to get the reaction they are looking for from you any longer, they will stop the behavior altogether. Part of learning how to handle an out of control teenager is simply trying discern whether your teen is just trying to “push your buttons” or not. If so, try ignoring it and see what happens, you might be surprised!

3. Listen: One of the big mistakes parents of teenagers make is not listening. Many parents see things their teens are doing that they don’t agree with and they begin to lecture them about it…over and over again. This can contribute to your teen becoming an out-of-control teen. Therefore, try listening to your teenager.

Teens want to be viewed as adults and often times they act out, become disruptive and even out-of-control when they don’t feel this way. When you take the time to listen to your teen regarding their views, opinions and reasoning before you lecture, you may find your teen starts “coming around.” It’s okay to disagree with your teen – especially if they’re wrong, but at least ask for their reasoning and then, in a calm and non-judgmental way, explain why you feel the way you do.

For more tips on dealing with and learning how to handle an out of control teenager, visit My Out Of Control Teen:  A online parent-program for those who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers. learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.

Also check out No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – Learn how to feel like a good parent even when your teenager hates you. Also learn how get your disrespectful Teenager to LISTEN to what you say & RESPECT you as their parent while getting peace back in your home. Risk Free for 60 Days! No Obligation!”

Communication with your teen can be what feels like a never ending battle. It seems as though it is a one-sided conversation. They are trying everything possible to get the answer they want and you are trying to make a decision about something they want. Teenagers will badger, sulk, plead, become aggressive, or even run to get their way. Parents tend to get backed into a corner when confronted with this type of communication eventually parents give in to their teen demands and the teen knows that they will give in if they continue to badger.

Anyone who has ever had a teenager will agree that being a parent is not an easy job. In fact, being a parent is more like running a marathon that never ends! Even when your kid are grown and out of the house, you are still a parent with the same worries for their safety, etc. While parenting in general is not an easy job, one of the most difficult times in your children’s lives to be a parent is during the teenage years.

Teenagers are constantly placed in new situations that cause them to experience new feelings and emotions that are hard to deal with and their brains are changing also, which makes these years very tumultuous. And, sometimes, teenagers go from emotional and frustrated to out of control. When this happens, parents of these teens feel helpless because they don’t know what to do to get their teenager the help they need and their family back on track. If you aren’t sure whether or not you have an out of control teenager, the symptoms below should help you decide.

1.      Constant Arguing with Parents and Other Authoritative Figures – Teens who are out of control often find it enjoyable to argue with their parents and other authoritative people. A lot of times, the teen is the one to instigate the arguments.

2.      Quick to Anger – Another sign that you have an out of control teen is that your teen is easily angered. Basically, it doesn’t take much to set your teen off. And, you also need to consider the level of angered that is displayed, it is generally much great than the normal “I’m frustrated” display of anger most teens exhibit.

3.      Deliberate Refusal to Follow Rules – Teens that are out of control, make it very clear that they do not have to follow anybody’s rules. They generally have no problem telling you that they aren’t going to follow the rules and will also purposely break the rules whenever they can.

4.      Refuses to Admit Fault – Out of control teenagers also refuse to admit that they are to blame for anything that happens. Basically, things always happen to them, they never do anything to cause the events. And, when something does happen, these teens are experts at creating excuses for why it wasn’t their fault and usually blame someone else for it.

After reading through the list of signs for out of control teens above, you should have a good idea of whether or not your teen is out of control or not. If you believe your teen is, then get your copy of the My Out of Control Teen eBook today. The book comes highly recommended from parents who have had out of control teens as it is full of helpful tips and tricks for helping your teen get out of this “slump” while helping you survive it!

Adolescence is full of opportunities for success and failure – and to be well-adjusted, adolescents need to experience both. Your daughter may miss the tie-breaking shot in a hockey game or be the only girl that doesn’t get invited to a high school party. Your son may blow his chance at a college scholarship. And every adolescent is likely to feel the rejection of their first break-up.

And though moms and dads can create a soft place to fall, depriving your adolescent of these experiences by protecting them from challenges and shielding them from the natural consequences of their actions can cause a lifetime of hardship.

Warning Signs—

Over-indulgent parents don’t like to see their kids hurting and instantly go into fix-it mode. Rather than letting their youngster experience the consequences of their decisions, these moms and dads step in to defend the youngster and alleviate any discomfort they may feel.

There is a fine line between responsible parenting and over-indulgent parenting. No one would tell a parent not to protect their youngster – just don’t over-protect. Parental involvement is essential for a youngster’s healthy emotional, social and academic development. But when your love and concern manifest in the following behaviors, you may have overstepped their bounds.

• A willingness to do anything to see your youngster succeed
• Blaming others for your adolescent’s problems
• Doing anything to make sure your adolescent doesn’t experience hardship, sadness, disappointment, anger or other difficult emotions
• Getting involved in every aspect of your adolescent’s life, including academics, dating and friends
• Giving in to your adolescent’s every demand
• Making demands of teachers, counselors, friends, coaches and others because the adolescent can’t or won’t resolve their own problem
• Minimizing or justifying your adolescent’s behaviors
• Needing to be liked or viewed as your adolescent’s friend rather than a parent
• Stepping in immediately when your adolescent is in distress
• Striving to make your adolescent happy all of the time
• Using cell phones, e-mail and instant messaging to stay in constant contact and hover around your youngster at all times

What’s Your Motivation?

In most cases, over-indulgent parents’ primary motivation is to protect their youngster from harm. But they may also be motivated by other less admirable intentions. For example, moms and dads may be partially motivated by a desire to look good in front of other parents by having their adolescent reflect positively on them.

For example, a parent may intervene at school and do their youngster’s homework assignments so that their adolescent can go to an Ivy League university. Although their primary goal may be to provide the brightest possible future for their youngster, they may also be acting out of a desire to look like “good” moms and dads.

Some parents are also driven by a desire to feel good about themselves. Moms and dads may view their family’s happiness as a measure of their own success. Although they want their families to be happy for the sake of each family member, they also protect their adolescents because they’ve lost their own identity apart from their youngster.

Parenting Tips—

Over-indulgent parents tend to produce kids who are fearful, anxious and lack confidence in their own abilities. Even though the moms and dads are undoubtedly acting out of love, their actions are often based on their own worries, fears and feelings, not necessarily what’s in the best interest of the youngster. If adolescents aren’t given the opportunity to face and overcome challenges, they never learn that they are capable of doing so.

My Out Of Control Teen:  A online parent-program for those who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers. learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.

Your teen’s self esteem is their mental foundation.  A self-assured childis confident, secure, happy, well-adjusted and successful. They can solve problems that come their way, and it thrives under a loving parent’s nurturing care.

What are some good ways to built self esteem in your teen?

Most importantly, accept your child for who they are, and help them do the same.   Teach your child that nobody is perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes.  Show them how to learn and grow from their mistakes, and let them know that you also make mistakes.   Children with high self esteem are able to take lessons from mistakes and apply them down the road.  A child with low self esteem become frustrated and resort to self-depreciating behavior, such as calling themselves ‘stupid’ and vowing to ‘never try that again.’

Help your child discover their abilities and talents, and encourage outlets for them to build on and improve them.  Praise a child not only for improvements in abilities and skills, but also for the traits they naturally possess.
Encourage your child to make positive choices.  Open an honest dialog with your child and discuss the possibilities with them.  Children who learn skills for making positive choices when they are younger are well-prepared for the tougher choices they have to make when they are older.

Ensure that you spend lots of quality time with your child, at least once a week. Whether you are shooting baskets or going out to grab a hamburger, take time to talk and keep in touch.  If you find it difficult to squeeze in quality time during a hectic week, take the time to talk about things during the drive to school or while they are helping you put the groceries away.

For more help in understanding your teen, check out the resources below:

As a parent, we like to think we can shield our children from the worst in life until they are old enough to handle it. Realistically, we do what we can, but even our elementary school kids deal with serious issues. A recent news story brought this to mind: Demi Lovato, a Disney starlet, entered a residential treatment center last year, and now was telling the world about her struggle with an eating disorder, one she developed at eight years old. It started with compulsively overeating, and progressed to purging, and/or severely restricting eating. At eleven years old, without a healthy way to deal with her emotions, she started mutilating her own body. To be sure, her life as an actress and singer in the Disney family was anything but typical, but it is still distressing for a parent to think that a child could keep this level of distress hidden. She is now on a crusade (the Love is Louder project with Seventeen Magazine), revealing all of her struggles to help other girls avoid the same path. If we parents are paying attention, we can learn from her too, and help our children by being informed and aware.

We are the strongest influences over our children. What we say matters, and what we do matters more. One study showed that 46% of the 9-11 year olds surveyed are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets, and 82% of their families are also “sometimes” or “very often” on diets. That is startling and sad. What can we do to instead promote positive attitudes about weight and health?

Stop the fat talk

If you make negative remarks about your body, make a conscious effort to stop. When you cut yourself down, you are undermining your own self-confidence a little at a time, and teaching your kids to treat themselves the same way. If you find yourself looking down on other people for their weight and appearance, work to overcome that habit. Be respectful of all shapes and sizes, and insist on the same from those around you: family, friends, co-workers. You are shaping the world that your kids will inhabit very soon.

Cultivate healthy attitudes

Exercise because it is good for you, and because you appreciate the strength and energy it gives you. Enjoy your food and be selective about what food you enjoy. Sit down for meals, and involve your kids in their preparation. Keep the rules about food to a minimum – they end up being more about control than nourishment. For example, set meal and snack times are good, but there should be no rewards or punishments for eating or not eating. Comfort with your arms and words, not food.

 Signs your child may have an eating disorder

Chances are, if your son or daughter is binging or restricting their food, they are trying to hide it from you. Unfortunately, these behaviors are disturbingly pervasive in teenage girls, and increasingly so in teenage boys, particularly those involved in sports with weight restrictions like wrestling. One 2005 study found that over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives.

 Be alert for a combination of these signs, adapted from Helpguide.org and Something-Fishy.org

• Preoccupation with body or weight
• Distorted, negative self-image
• Wearing loose clothing to hide weight loss or body shape
• Obsession with calories, food, or nutrition
• Constant dieting, even when thin
• Rapid, unexplained weight loss or weight gain
• Taking laxatives, diet pills, or steroids
• Compulsive exercising
• Making excuses to get out of eating
• Avoiding social situations that involve food
• Going to the bathroom right after meals, running water to hide vomiting sounds
• Eating in isolation, in secret, or at night
• Hoarding high-calorie food
• Visiting websites that promote unhealthy weight loss 

Tips for bringing up a touchy topic

Eating disorders are a cry for help, and as a parent, you are the first responder. This probably won’t be a pleasant conversation, but it need not be a dramatic, emotional confrontation. That kind of interventions is sometimes necessary as a last resort when the victim is in deep denial and mortal danger. You, on the other hand, are just being a nosy, caring parent, probing for the first signs of trouble. This is still necessary, however. Your son or daughter can recover from an eating disorder, but the longer it persists the harder it will be for them. Consider also getting therapy yourself or joining a support group such as Overeaters Anonymous.

• Don’t expect too much from the first conversation. There is a lot of shame wound up in disordered eating, and your child’s first reaction will likely be to get defensive or deny there is a problem. Be patient and do not take their emotional displays personally.
• Find a therapist knowledgeable about eating disorders that you trust. Your love and support are necessary and helpful, but you can make up for your lack of training and experience by teaming up with a professional. 
• Focusing on your nonjudgmental concern will be most productive, for example, “it scares me when I hear you throwing up” rather than anger or guilt trips like “How could you do this to your mother?”
• Do mention moments when you were concerned for them.
• Avoid comments about their appearance, or the amount of food they are eating. Comments such as “you are too skinny” or “you just need to be careful what you eat” only reinforce an obsession with weight and desire for control.
• Be positive. Keep the setting and timing neutral and comfortable. Especially if your child is familiar with Demi Lovato, watching the interview about her treatment and recovery might help you raise difficult questions.  

Hope for the future

A full recovery is possible, and your support is an integral factor. Demi is doing great with the support of her family, friends, and fans. She seems to be making all the right choices, though only time will tell if the changes she has made are permanent ones.
If you are concerned, educate yourself with the resources available at the National Institute of Mental Health site, the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Parent Toolkit, or call the NEDA Helpline at 800-931-2237. Reach out and get support for yourself too, whether from a support group or a therapist, so you can remain strong for your child and the rest of your family.

Menstruation (a period) is a major stage of puberty in girls; it’s one of the many physical signs that a girl is turning into a woman.  Unfortunately, the changes a girl’s body goes through during the teen years can result in menstrual difficulties. Most of the time, these problems disappear with maturity; but in the meantime,  you’ll need some coping mechanisms. Here is a partial list of common period problems  and some period help for girls that experience them. 

Heavy Bleeding

Really heavy menstrual bleeding (medically known as menorrhagia) can affect your social and academic life. You may find that you simply can’t do things with friends or family because your bleeding is so profuse. To make things even worse, sometimes these heavy periods can go on for days and days. To help manage this kind of bleeding, here are some tips.

* Take a good multi-vitamin that is high in Vitamin A and Vitamin K. It should also include Vitamin E and zinc, as these are important for the metabolism of Vitamin A. Sources report that girls who experience heavy periods are often deficient in Vitamin A. Vitamin K is important for blood clotting. 

* If you like spicy foods, up the ante! Capsicum, the “hot stuff” in peppers, has been shown to reduce menstrual bleeding. You can also take cayenne pepper tablets or capsules.

* An iron supplement might be appropriate if you have heavy bleeding. Check with your doctor before supplementing with iron, though, as overdose is an easy mistake to make. You could also eat iron-rich foods like lean red meat and dark, leafy greens.

* B-complex vitamins are also important, especially B6.

* Cut back on sugar, as the body uses up B6 to metabolize sugar, and you need that B6 to do its job elsewhere!

Painful Cramps

Some menstrual cramps can be excruciating and last hours or even days. If your pain is very severe and lasts a long time, and doesn’t go away even if you take painkillers, you should see your doctor. For normal cramps, here are some tips to help you manage.

* Take magnesium supplements. Magnesium helps relieve muscle cramps, including uterine ones. A magnesium and calcium combination is a good idea.

* Get regular exercise to help regulate your body’s systems (including your hormonal system) and increase circulation and muscle relaxation.

* If you have to take over-the-counter pain relievers, it’s worth noting that these substances work by blocking pain-causing prostaglandins in the body. However, they block the body’s beneficial prostaglandins, too, which may ultimately make PMS symptoms worse.

PMS

Premenstrual syndrome, or PMS, is a common and sometimes difficult problem for all menstruating women, but for teen girls, it may be more of a struggle. Coping with PMS is possible – here are some ideas.

* Recognize the signs and the timing. If you know it’s coming, you can prepare for it.

* A diet high in whole grains, fresh fruit and vegetables may help. In fact, some medical professionals have devised a “PMS Diet” that includes vitamin supplements and no refined grains, sugar, or artificial colors and preservatives.

Above are many ideas that include great period help for girls.  Be sure to share this article with others that may get some use from it.

Stress itself is a person’s reaction to life changes, and there is hardly a time in one’s life with more changes than the teen years! Added on to all these life changes is the fact that there is a lot going on in the life of the average teen – concerns about appearance, extracurricular activities, friends, school projects, social events, and so forth can all converge on teens at once.

Below are some tips related to stress reduction for teens:

Deep Breathing

Really? Just breathing deeply makes everything go away? Not exactly! But deliberate, slow, deep breathing exercises can significantly increase your body’s coping mechanisms, sources say. This is why deep breathing is so often a component of meditation.

If you can get a few quiet minutes, breathe slowly through your nose and slowly out through your mouth. When you inhale, fill your lungs up entirely, breathing down toward your lower abdomen. As you do this, remind yourself that you can handle this, and that this stress won’t last forever.

List Making

One of my favorite tips for stress reduction for teens is list-making.  This may be something your parents are always on at you about. But it really can help relieve stress to make lists of what you have to do. This is why adults do it!

Make lists of things you have to do today (study for a test, finish homework, go to band practice, etc.), then a list of things that must be done this week (write a paper, attend track meet), and then a list of long-term things to do (request applications from colleges, read assigned book for English class). Seeing everything on paper may make it look more manageable. From that point, you can begin to estimate how long each task will take and schedule it on a calendar.

Avoid Too Much Caffeine

Yes, teen stress seems to make you want more and more caffeine; stress can wear you out and cause you to feel tired. But many sources note that too much caffeine actually makes the underlying stress worse. This is because, at a basic level, caffeine stresses the body’s organs, particularly the liver and kidneys. You don’t need any more stress internally or externally!

Eat Well

Go for high-energy foods like nuts, seeds, lean protein and fruit, particularly berries and citrus for antioxidants and Vitamin C.

Rest

Of course, if you had time to rest, you wouldn’t be so stressed, right? Truthfully, though, getting a good night’s sleep is very important to helping your body and mind cope with stress. For teens, this could be up to nine or nine and a half hours of sleep a night. The more stressed you are, the more rest you need. Try to get to bed at a reasonable hour. 

By following the above tips on stress reduction for teens, you or your teen will soon be feeling a bit better.  For more resources on parenting teenagers, visit This Link!

If you are a teen or the parent of a teen who is depressed, getting treatment and teen depression resources is vital. There are various approaches to treating teen depression, from conventional to alternative. Here are some of those options.

Medication

Some parents balk at medicating their teens, but it may help to look at it as a temporary measure to help your teen seek other therapy. Sometimes the medication can help relieve symptoms to the point that your teen is receptive to other treatments.

Many teens are given SSRIs, or serotonin reuptake inhibitors. These include drugs like Zoloft, Paxil and Prozac; but these medications are known for their potentially harmful side effects. So make sure your teen is carefully monitored when he or she undertakes any medication treatment program.

Therapy

There are various types of therapy for teens with depression. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of treatment that gives teens the tools to “climb out of” their depressed state. CBT works on rewiring the brain from negative thought patterns to positive ones.

Counseling is another option for teens with depression. They may prefer to have the family included in a family counseling session. This can be very healing for the whole family, enhancing understanding and providing ways for family members to support the depressed teen. Individual counseling can also be helpful, especially for teens who are not comfortable opening up around their parents. 

Vitamins

B vitamins are considered essential for those who have mood disorders. Deficiencies in any of the B vitamins may result in depression, especially B1 and B6. A good B-complex vitamin supplement may help your teen deal with his or her depression and relieve some symptoms.

Supplements

The intake of healthy fats has been implicated in the relief of depression symptoms. Consider giving your teen supplements of flax, evening primrose, or fish oil. Also encourage the consumption of healthy fats in the diet, such as fatty fish (salmon, mackerel, sardines) and olive oil.

Diet

A healthy diet should probably have been listed as number one! Teens often indulge in junk foods, and the artificial colors (particularly FD&C yellow #5), artificial flavors, and other unpronounceable ingredients in junk foods can wreak havoc on the body – specifically by upsetting hormones. Pesticide residue may also have a similar effect; eating organic foods can decrease your teen’s exposure to these potential hormone disruptors.

Exercise

Regular exercise is important in treating depression. Teens may spend too much time in front of computers or television, or tapping away on mobile devices. Enrolling in a class (martial arts, Pilates, aerobics, dance, etc.) would help your teen get out and get some social time, and also exercise his or her body. These may be helpful in relieving depression.

Parenting teenagers is a difficult job, and there is a lot involved in raising happy, healthy children. If you need more teen depression resources, click on the link above to gain some instant help.