Parenting My Teen

From the time your child started showing that he or she had a mind of their own you’ve had to practice some sort of discipline. Whether you practice natural consequences, corporal punishment or another method entirely, the fact is the best way to discipline a teenager is to be consistent.

Being consistent means that you do what you say you will and follow through, each and every single time. A child who experiences this type of parenting will, by the time he or she reaches the teen years, become almost self-disciplining. But, if you’ve been lax in the consistency department, don’t lose heart, it’s not too late.

Here are the best ways to discipline teenagers:

Hold a family meeting – Get your children together and have a family meeting. During this meeting you’ll explain your new parenting technique of consistency.  Then let them help you with the rest of the meeting.

Form a plan together – Together you and your teenager(s) will form a plan to deal with both positive and negative situations. This way, your teen will know what to expect. When teens know what to expect, and you don’t disappoint them, they learn to trust you more.

Choose natural consequences – With your teenager, choose what the consequences of various actions will be in advance. Don’t forget positive consequences as well as negative consequences. Each action should garner a reaction that makes sense.

Be realistic – Never create a consequence that is completely unrealistic. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad, discipline or praise, if you cannot see it through, don’t promise it If you always create consequences that are natural effects of your teenager’s actions, you’ll have a lot more success.

Stand firm – Your teenagers will test your resolve. Stand firm and stick to what you said you’d do, if you don’t do it, there is no point in even starting. Teenagers need you to be dependable; it makes their world feel safe and complete.

Firm but not inflexible – Have regular family meetings in order to adjust consequence and rewards as needed. Some families like to have weekly meetings, others monthly. It’s up to you how you do this but having regular meetings to see how everything is working will increase your chances for success.

Remember the goal – When you are wavering in your resolve always think about the ultimate goal of being more consistent with your teen: Raising an adult who has self-control, is reliable, and is a productive citizen.

With a little practice you can bring consistency to your discipline methods which will increase the chances of success of that method exponentially. You may also find that you no longer need harsher methods of punishment to get the same results. You’ll be able to get away from constant criticism when you create a plan with the teenager about consequences. When teenagers get a say in discipline matters they tend to choose better behavior.

Give it a try for 90 days, do what you say you will do, and be clear about what that means with your teenager. Let me know how it works for you.

For more info on the the best way to discipline a teenager, visit the links below:

Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen This toolkit offers parenting help and help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen.

Visit Out of Control Teen to learn more about how you can help a teen that shows signs of trouble.

Today, many teens are diagnosed with depression, and even more suffer from it without ever speaking to a professional. There are several different causes for teen depression, and this disorder is often something that shows up before a teen attempts suicide. This is why screening for depression in teens is so important and why it is being performed at so many pediatrician offices today. If a teen is showing symptoms of depression, it is important to talk to their parent and get the teen some help. Over 50% of teens with depression do not seek therapy or medical attention. Thus, parents should keep a close eye out for any signs of depression in their children and be proactive getting help for them. Below are three major causes and contributors of teen depression.

Teen Peer Pressure

Teens today face a lot of stressful circumstances on a day to day basis. Teens may feel isolated, different from others and tormented by peer pressure. This is a major factor leading to teen depression. Today, problems such as violence, gossip and bullying are a big part of the peer pressures teens’ face. Since a teens’ brain is not completely developed, they do not have all the logical skills to know how to work through these situations of peer pressure.

Various Life Changes

Teens who face a lot of changes in their lives may suffer more bouts of depression. Some teens face major life changes such as death in the family, divorce of parents, relocation away from good friends and loss of a friendship that puts a great amount of stress on the teen. Teens tend to overreact to stressful circumstances and changes in life. This can cause a lot of negative feelings, thinking and eventually depression.

Drugs, Alcohol and Negativity

When teens abuse drugs and alcohol, it often leads to depression. Because alcohol is a depressant, it will impact the mind which leads to depression. Drug use can also impair the mind of a teen so that it does not function properly which can lead to depression. When teens are depressed, they limit their social interaction, their grades might drop and they might attempt suicide or drop out of school. Many teens will begin to fight with their peers and parents. When teens are stressed and abusing drugs and alcohol, it makes them think negatively. Consequently, this leads to depression.

Prevention

Teens must work on focusing on the more positive aspects of their lives and try to avoid the causes of depression. It is helpful for teens to spend more time with achievement-oriented and positive friends. By participating in activities and hobbies that bring happiness, the teen will help prevent depression. Some of the other ways to prevent teen depression is by getting enough sleep, talking to a parent, guidance counselor or doctor if stressed out or in crisis mode, avoiding thoughts that are pessimistic, avoiding listening to music that is depressing or about suicide, staying away from friends who are involved with drugs and alcohol and by eating a balanced, healthy diet.

Action

Make sure you communicate that teens should never be afraid to reach out to a teacher, parent or medical professional when they feel depressed. Explain why making an appointment with a therapist to talk about depression symptoms is helpful. It may be awkward or seem unnecessary, but it could very well save a life, so make it a point to articulate the resources available to the teen(s) in your life.

Katherine Jennings writes about parenting, mental health and education. Her best work discusses online psychology degrees.

Today, more people are forming friendships and relationships via the Internet. Even though the Internet is a great way to meet new people, it can also be a very dangerous place for a teen. Fortunately, there are a number of ways that you can keep your teen safe from the dangers of online relationships. Below are some tips that will help you keep your child safe:

Talk to Them About Internet Safety

Communicating with your child is one of the most important things that you can do as a parent. That is why you should talk to your teen about Internet safety. In addition to talking to your teen about Internet safety, you should also install an Internet filter on your computer. That will help block websites that contain questionable content. Furthermore, you should encourage your teen to talk to you if he or she is being threatened online.

Monitor Your Teen’s Social Networking Sites

Many teens today use Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites to meet people. These sites also contain predators. That is why you should tell your child to give you his or her password to the social networking site. You should check all of his or her social networking sites at least once a week. Your teen will not like it, but you should explain to him or her that it is for the best.

Do Not Allow Your Child To Have A Computer In His or Her Room

It will be much easier for you to keep tabs on what your teen is doing if the computer is in the family room. Additionally, your teen will be a lot less likely to do something that he or she is not supposed to do if the computer is in the family room.

Know Where Your Child Is Going

Some teens will try to meet up with people that they met online without telling their parents. That is why you should make sure that you know where your child is going at all times. If you get a feeling that your child is being dishonest, then you should not hesitate to pay a surprise visit.

Keeping your teens safe from the dangerous people online is a challenge. The good news is that talking to your child about Internet safety and monitoring your teen’s activity online will make this task easier. Furthermore, you should know where your child is going at all times.

*This is an informational article about keeping your teens safe online. If you want to know more about this or alternative school options, please read more articles on this website.*

Let your child know that they are not alone.  They may not realize that other people are dealing with the same issues.  Let them know that they don’t have to talk to you about their problems if they don’t want to, but reassure them that you are there to listen to them, if and when they do want to talk.  If they don’t want to open up to you just yet, suggest that they talk to a trusted family member or perhaps a professional.

Take a break!  If you and your teenager get into a heated discussion, take a break and walk away for a moment.  Encourage your child to do the same.  When you are both calmed down, you can finish discussing the issue.

Encourage your teen to identify what is happening.  Help your teenager recognize the signs of his/her bad moods, so he/she knows what is happening. Let them know that they aren’t alone and that mood swings happen to most people.

Exercise. It’s important for a healthy lifestyle and it can also release chemicals in the brain that improve moods and emotional health.  Encourage your teen to exercise on a regular basis, and to go for a walk or bike ride when they feel angered or depressed.

Support a healthy lifestyle in your home.  Getting enough rest and eating right goes a long way for anyone’s mood. This is also an opportunity for you, as the parent and role model, to represent a healthy lifestyle.

Let your teen’s creativity guide you.  Your teenager may not be able to express their feelings verbally, but they may be able to use creative methods such as drawing, painting, or writing to work through their feelings.

Allow your teen to wait out the mood. If your teen needs a good cry or to just space to pace around his/her room, give him/her the privacy to do it. Offer comfort and let your teen know you are there if he/she needs to talk.

There is so much to be concerned about when raising children and ensuring that they enter into their teen years feeling great about themselves.   Will they be healthy, happy and well-adjusted? How much do the things done by parents affect them? Is it possible to keep things positive and raise positive children today?

Even if you feel like you’ve made some mistakes as a parent, don’t despair. There are definitely things you can do to raise positive children. Children are very resilient and learn quickly. Here are a few tips you can follow to raise children  that are optimistic and creative.

 Model positive reactions. The adage goes, “more things are caught than taught.” In other words, if you become angry and begin yelling when you’re stressed, children will mirror what you do. Conversely, if your teen(s) see you react positively no matter what the circumstances, they will believe this is the correct way to act in response to stressors and situations in life.

Use good, positive and uplifting words when speaking to them and others as well as when you speak about others. No one likes to be fussed at and made to feel bad about what someone says to or about them. Be sure to use positive words and your teen will likely follow suit.

More information on positive reactions listed here other Great Resources for Parenting of Teens

Keep a positive mindset. So, are you a glass half full or a glass half empty type of person? People with a half-full mindset will try to see the good in every person and situation. On the other hand, those who see the glass half empty will be more negative. If you do your best to try to find the silver lining in the rain clouds of life, your children may do the same.  Accentuate the positive. Try to think of things you can do to draw attention to the positive no matter what has happened. No, you don’t have to be like Sappy Susie who acts like nothing ever goes wrong, but it can greatly influence your children if you acknowledge the negative but focus on the positive.

Nurture your child’s self-esteem. You don’t want to offer praise that is undeserved, but when they do something that is worthy of praise, be sure they know it. Be careful not to use demeaning words when providing instruction. Children may not know what it means to be condescending, but they can recognize it when they hear it.

 Catch your teen being compassionate or courteous. This is similar to nurturing their self-esteem. When you see your teen displaying compassion, let them know how much you appreciate it. Praise them for taking their responsibilities seriously when they do their chores without being reminded.

Encourage your teens’s dreams. If your daughter dreams of being a ballerina and she’s a little bit heavy, don’t discourage her. Take her to the ballet and talk about how healthy ballerinas have to be. This may give her the confidence she needs to learn to take better care of herself. If your son wants to play baseball, let Dad take him to the ballpark and play ball with him in the backyard.

Laugh at yourself. Sometimes, even when things seem their worst, it helps to look at things and laugh. Obviously every situation won’t warrant laughter, but it may help to release stress and put things into perspective.

Every parent wants their children to be helpful, positive and compassionate. Following some of these tips will help you raise positive children by keeping it positive.

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