Parenting My Teen

Peer pressure is an ever-present monster lurking within your teenager’s everyday life. It’s likely that most of their decisions ride on the acceptance of their friends or classmates. In today’s world, a teenager is bombarded with information from the media, their parents, teachers and friends, so making the right choice is not always easy, especially if your teenager doesn’t have strong parental guidance. It’s your job to guide your teen through these difficult years, so read on for some great ways to approach the topic. 

1. Strengthen Your Relationship

The stronger the relationship with your teen, the greater influence you’ll have. Ideally, you want your teen to be able to talk to you about anything that is going on in their life. Otherwise, they will turn to their friends for help, who may not always be that wise. Strengthening your relationship may not be a quick task, but it’s important that you listen and let them know that you are their best resource.

If your teen feels as though you’re judging or scolding them, they’re likely to distance themselves. Try to put yourself in their shoes and recall what it was like when you were their age. Once they’re comfortable opening up to you, help them come up with solutions to the problem and guide them towards the right choice.

2. Set Clear Rules and Expectations

It’s important that your teen know what the rules are and what you expect of them. Set a reasonable curfew and ensure that they understand what your expectations are as far as academic performance. You don’t want to your teen to be unsure of the rules for smoking, sex, drinking, or dating either. Some of these topics may be uncomfortable, but they should be addressed. All rules and expectations need to be crystal clear. Communication is key!

3. Consult a Counselor

If your teen is engaging in troubling behavior, it may be wise to seek help from a professional counselor.  Make sure that they will work with both you and your teen, together and separately. This experience will certainly help improve your relationship and you’ll learn new communication skills that will likely benefit you well into the future.

4. Peer Pressure Can Be Positive

The phrase “positive peer pressure” may seem like an oxymoron. However, if your teen is hanging out with friends that perform well at school, are involved in sports, or other positive behaviors, they’ll be pressured to reach the same goals. This can be a positive situation for everyone and should be encouraged. Talk to your teen and make sure that they are happy engaging in these activities. 

Despite what you may be reading in the news or seeing on TV, most teens move on to adulthood without trouble. However, having a parent they can turn to will make the journey much easier. If you are an important influence in your teen’s life, they will strive to please you and hold your expectations in high regard.

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Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager can be very challenging. If you’ve tried some of these things or all of them, and still don’t see any change in your teen, here is an excellent resource for you.

We have found some tips on parenting teenagers that are very helpful. Signs of  teen depression can at times seem almost as normal teen behavior. Here is a great article that may be help you determine if your teen is depressed.

Today, more than ever, teens are faced with peer pressure, divorce, low self-esteem, and other life experiences which can impact their emotional well-being. Does your teen suffer from depression? It can be tricky to pin-point teen depression symptoms but here are some of the Signs of Teen depression –

Does your teen have a tendency to sleep late on school days? Do you have trouble getting them out of bed to go to school? Are they not eating properly? Are they spending a great deal of time in their rooms with the music blasting? Is the music foreboding? Are there dark and disturbing posters hung in your teen’s room? Does your teen seem listless and moody? Has your teen become isolated from friends and family members? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you may have a teen who is suffering from depression.

Most teenagers become moody; it’s a fact of life. But when the moodiness turns to depression, it is more serious and requires intervention. Talk to your child. Try to determine the cause. If your child is not yet ready to discuss the problem, let him or her know you are always there for them; that they can rely on you to listen without passing judgment. Give them time to form the words to express their feelings. Sometimes, the only way a teen can express their emotions is through anger. Be aware of this, and try to take the edge off by using comforting and safe words. Above all, don’t lecture the teen or issue an ultimatum. Don’t change the subject; their pain is real – acknowledge it.

One of the issues teens face is not living up to your standards. Assure them they are loved despite everything. Tell them there is nothing in this world that could change the way you feel about them. Allow them the room to open up to you; then when they do, ensure it is safe for them to say anything, reveal anything. Do not discuss how you feel. This will just alienate the teen. It isn’t about you; it is about what your teen is going through.

When all else fails, and you are concerned about your teen might take his depression a step further, a visit to a therapist or psychologist is necessary. It can be a scary time for you, but remember this depression is not about you. Don’t lay a guilt trip on your teen by saying, “What did I do wrong!” Be supportive, compassionate, understanding; most of all listen. Really listen.

As you can see, there are many signs of teen depression. It is very important to keep the lines of communication between you and your teen open.

Related Resource:

Real Life Guidance Guide to Understanding Your Teen This toolkit offers parenting help and help solve the mysteries in understanding your teen.

Visit Out of Control Teen to learn more about how you can help a teen that shows signs of trouble.

Raising a child doesn’t come with a book of instructions. If it did, the task would be much easier. Facing the teenage years with your son or daughter may seem scary but with the right type of communication, it doesn’t have to be a battle.  Getting teenagers to talk seems to be something that most parents struggle with. 

As your child goes from toddler to youngster to tween to teenager, something in what you say gets lost in translation. They can give you that blank stare as if the words that are coming out of your mouth sound like the unseen teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons.  Getting teenagers to talk is key in connecting with them — and learning how to listen to them will keep the connection strong.

It’s not easy to improve the communication bridges with a teen but it’s important to try to get through as these years and the choices they make now will have a vital impact on their future.

Here are a few for getting teenagers to talk :

1. Watch your body language.   How you move says a lot about you. When a person is tired, they tend to slump. When angered, your jaw muscles tighten and your eyes narrow into slits.  Believe it or not, teenagers are good at interpreting body language. Yours will betray you when you are around your teen.  Try to avoid sitting with your arms crossed, eyes looking away from them or squirming in your seat when your teen is talking.

3. Keep your emotions in check.  When it comes to getting teenagers to talk it is important to keep your emotions under control.  Can you remember back to when you were a teenager?  Do you remember saying things that you really didn’t mean just to get a rise out of your parents?  Teenagers will push your buttons if they can so it is important that you check your emotions.   

4. Ask them about their day.  When working on getting teenagers to talk, don’t overlook the obvious — Talk to them.  Each afternoon/evening upon seeing your teen after school and/or work ask your teen about their day.  Even if your teen only grunts or says the obligatory, “It was okay”, ask anyway.  Part of the battle to getting teenagers to talk  starts off with just showing that you care about the ‘everyday stuff’.   It will also show them that you are interested in the things that they do and how they feel.

5. Be honest with them.  If you don’t understand the situation they are talking about then say so. Kids know when you are being insincere. Discuss the situation until you get an idea of where they are coming from. Your teen won’t mind explaining as long as they know you are listening.  At times, this is one of the best ways of getting teenagers to talk!  Have them explain something to you that you really don’t understand.

Parenting a teenager takes a tough skin, a willingness to be vulnerable and lots of love. You will make mistakes but whatever you do, don’t ever stop talking.  Getting teenagers to talk honestly about whats going on with them is very important and always the key to having a healthy parent teen relationship.

Peer pressure is a fact of life. As a child becomes a teenager, your opinions begin to slip into the background and those of their friends take center stage. When that happens, you’ll want your child to be well-equipped with tools to keep their opinion of themselves high even in the face of the opinions of others.

Besides friends, the media and society are all around us. They broadcast their view of what “beautiful” is to the world. It is easy for adults to get caught up in that. Just look at the number of adult cases of anorexia and bulimia. It is not as common as teenage cases but it is there for men and women.

If adults have a hard time with self-esteem and body image then teens will too. There are so many hormones raging at the same time that their bodies are changing by leaps and bounds. The hardest part to accept is that the internal changes are going on without their permission. Psychological conditions like anorexia and bulimia give back a measure of control over their bodies that many teens crave.

But, there are other ways to exert that control and it all begins with you, the parent. It begins in early childhood. Right from the start do what you can to teach your child that they are beautiful and validated. Here are some tips.

• Offer positive feedback to your teen – When they buy a new outfit, complement them on their choice even if you don’t much like the color. That is a personal preference and they are allowed to express themselves and their style.
• Promote physical activity – This doesn’t have to be structured exercise. Instead spend time each day doing an outdoor activity as a family. Your child will get used to physical activity and see it as a way to have fun and release stress in the process. Consider an after dinner walk with the family to discuss how your day has been.
• Offer healthy food choices in the house – When healthy food is always on the menu, there is no reason to look at food in a negative light. Sure, it’s okay to eat sugary sweets in moderation and they can learn that within the household.
• Teach your children about food – Most kids love to cook. It gives you a chance to take a break from fixing meals and also to teach your child about the components of foods. Allow them to taste the natural flavor of fresh vegetables and fruits without added condiments. Discuss how fats add empty calories but a few are fine in moderation.
• Avoid negative talk about food – This can make your child feel guilty every time they eat a certain food. It can result in them still eating it but hiding it from you. That sets them up for negative body images of themselves.
• Empower them – No matter what they want to do, they can do it if they put their mind to it. This means breaking into a “boys only” sport or running for student body president. Instill confidence in them and their abilities.
• Discuss societal views – Teens have questions. The best place to get answers is from you. Talk about how they feel towards society’s idea of perfect and normal. Let them know that they are allowed to be an individual and inject their style into society. 
• Get them involved in the community – Taking part in empowerment seminars, youth organizations and community service helps them to see and be a part of the world outside of them. By focusing on others and helping them, you increase good internal feelings about who you are. It helps to put all of life into a realistic perspective.

Body image is a psychological picture of who you are. As a parent, strengthening that view from the beginning is important for your child. It can also help you to let go of any negative self-image issues that you might have. A child is a blank slate. Encourage them to be all they can be and happy in the skin they are in.

Here are some Easy Breakfast Recipes for all kids

The Weight Loss Diet eBook - The Original Negative Calorie Foods eBook. Try negative calorie foods & diet to lose that extra fat to attain a slim & fit body. This will ensure a healthy, happy and long life.

Here is a listing of the top ten tips for parents of teens and preteens:

1.  Give your child choices.  Hopefully, you’ve been giving your child power over his or her own life in small ways all along, so that by the time your child becomes a teen, it is simply a natural progression.  If not, it’s okay to change the rules.  Let your teen know that you want him or her to have more control over his or her own life.  Give your teens choices that make them in control of their own lives.

2.  Let your child have a voice.  No, they aren’t in charge€¦and no, you don’t have to give a voice to rudeness or obnoxious behavior.  But if your child has an opinion, value him or her by listening  and considering.  Your child needs to feel like a valuable member of your family.

3.  You are the parent and the adult.  You have the power to end conversations when they turn into arguments; you have the emotional maturity to stay calm and reasonable when your child does not and cannot. 

4.  Your behavior sets a far more effective example to your child than your words.  Your overreaction, emotional outbursts, and violent reactions teach them that that is acceptable behavior.  Your ability to stay calm (count to ten, walk away, bite your tongue) teaches your child responsible mature behavior and gives them emotional management tools.

5.  Don’t do everything for your child.  When they have needs, help them learn how to meet their needs on their own.  Teach your child how to do laundry, cook, and clean (of course this may vary depending on the age of your child).  Don’t make it a chore; make it a fun way to help your child gain independence.  Stop fighting all of your kid’s battles  It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

6.  You will reach your child more effectively by listening instead of talking.  Make sure your child knows you are there  and don’t just say you’re there, mean it.  Be available when your child needs to talk; make choices in your own life that demonstrate to your child his or her importance in your life.

7.  Don’t try to solve all of your childs’ problems. Instead of reacting with “You should do this” ask your child what they think should be done.  Praise your childs’ ability to think things through, guide them where necessary, and let them know you trust them to make the right choices.  The belief and faith you have in your child helps motivate them to make the right choices.  Again,  stop fighting all of your kid’s battles  It’s going to turn them into whiny, weak adults!! 

8.  Whether it’s a new concept in your house or something you’ve been doing all along, be consistent.  Behaviors should have consequences (good and bad).  Praise positive behavior and enforce consequences for negative behavior.

9.  Recognize that your child is not a bad person even when he or she is making bad choices.  Choose your words carefully  never call your child a derogatory name.  Address the choice they made, give consequences because of the choice.

10.  Treat your child as an individual.  Respect your child, recognize that while this is your child, he or she is also well on the way to being a unique and independent individual.  When you treat your children with respect, you set an example they can follow with you and others in life.

Following as many of these top ten tips for parents as you can and you will soon seen a positive change in the relationship that you have with your children.

I have organized a totally free coaching class where I will share strategies with you that will help you know when and how to step into or step back from the battles your kids face.  It is totally free and is chock full of useful information that you can use immediately!  Sign up and perhaps there will be just one less whining adult in the world because of it.