Parenting a shy teen may be trying at times but it is important to realize that if you pressure your shy teen, this can cause anxiety and insecurity, leading to a worse problem with shyness. Don’t push your teen to achieve above his or her individual level
Shy or Withdrawn Behavior as Destructive or Maladaptive. Hundreds of thousands of teens are bullied every day. Bullying has everyone worried, not just the kids on its receiving end. Yet because parents, teachers, and other adults don’t always see it, they may not understand how extreme bullying can get.

Social withdrawal is fear of, or withdrawal from, people or social situations. Shyness becomes a problem when it interferes with relationships with others, in social situations, or other aspect’s of a child’s life. Problems with shyness are usually evident by the time a child is three years old.

The shy/withdrawn adolescent may have major conflicts and issues but nobody knows. In fact, sometimes parents are not able to detect the internal storm or struggle in the shy or withdrawn, largely due to an external calm.

Shy and withdrawn teens are oftentimes highly sensitive to their immediate environment. Parents thus need to be available and consistent in their actions. Many adolescents lack an internal structure for control and find it difficult to focus on a consistent and constructive problem-solving plan. Parents can help by providing meaningful structure..

Unfortunately, teens may not have the self-awareness to recognize how their detachment and withdrawal can stimulate frustration and even anger in parents. At the same time, they need a strong relationship with a trusting adult. By learning more about how shy/withdrawn behavior in teens occurs via assessment, parents and practitioners can learn how to treat its negative aspects.

Assessment: One way to conceptualize shy/withdrawn behavior is to view a teen as “internalizing” his difficulties by becoming preoccupied or self-conscious. This type of behavior is often contrasted with the sometimes more obvious “externalizing” problems of an outgoing, direct teen who is busy stealing cars, drinking and causing trouble for others.

Common Reasons for Shyness and Withdrawal:

1) Self-consciousness (related to appearance, behavior)

2) Under-developed social skills

3) Substance abuse

4) Underlying feelings of insecurity and/or inadequacy

5) Significant introversion with ambivalent emotions

6) Identity confusion or uncertainty

In assessing your teen, look at whether or not your child is compliant or defiant, reserved or outgoing, routine or spontaneous. The shy/withdrawn teen will tend toward compliance, be reserved and prefer routine. He/she may move away or avoid others when difficulties arise. At times, withdrawn behavior can take on the role of indirect (sometimes passive-aggressive) anger.

Below are suggestions for children who are socially anxious, while parents should contact a licensed professional for more specific anxiety problems.

• Build your child’s self esteem
•  Develop your child’s social skills.
• Allow your child to warm up to a situation and don’t push them too hard.
• Expose your child to different situations
• Provide love, affection, and attention to your child

Recommended Resources:  Why not set up a free Parent Coaching Consultation? Parent coaching is for parents and caregivers of children of all ages who seek to enrich the bond between themselves and their child(ren).

How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk:   Filled with straightforward advice and written in a down-to-earth style sure to appeal to both parents and teens, offers both innovative, easy-to-implement suggestions and proven techniques to build the foundation for lasting relationships.

Teenage Stress -  A great resource on teenage stress

Teenagers all over the world will take the leap from child to young adult this fall. They will be entering High School for the first time. This milestone brings a variety of feelings and emotions. They are beginning four of the most difficult, yet most memorable years of their life. If you think you are anxious and scared, try being your teen.

Here are a few Parenting Teenager tips on how to make the best of this stressful and confusing time in your teenager’s life.

Be Open and Understanding

Realize that your teen is going to be stressed and irritable for the first few weeks of their freshman year. There are many things that can contribute to your teen’s moodiness or withdrawn state. They are experiencing numerous changes in their life; all at the same time. Just like when you are pushed to your max with stress, your teen may experience headaches, stomachaches, or sleepiness. They need time and space to figure it all out in their own mind. Be patient and give them the time they need to sort things out for themselves.

Be Available and Reassuring

They may be young adults with a need to start making more decisions on their own and taking on more responsibility, but that doesn’t mean that they are full blown adults with minds that can handle all the stress and pressure of taking on those tasks. Reassure them that you are there when they need you and also how to “back off” when necessary so they can figure things out for themselves.

Your teenager is just that, a teen. You need to let them know that you trust them to make their own decisions. Let them know that you are always there should they get stuck and need a helping hand from someone they trust. Show them in ways other than saying things such as, “I’m here if you want to talk.” It’s not always easy for a teenager to start up a serious conversation, especially with Mom or Dad. There are times when you need to get creative. Depending on your teen that may mean writing a letter or taking them shopping and talking about what’s going on in their life while driving.

Be Supportive and Loving

Your teenager is no longer the ‘big dog’, but instead a ‘newbie’. Teenagers need to know that Mom and/or Dad support their decisions. They may have a difficult time fitting in; therefore, the need to try new things is necessary and helps them to figure out who they are. As long as the activity is not detrimental to them or anyone else, let them try a new sport, club, or other extracurricular hobby.

Support them in their decision, even if you know in the long run they will not participate next year. Give them the opportunity to find out for themselves if they enjoy certain activities. Remind them that family is something that will always be there. They are moving away from you as a parent but not disconnecting with the family completely and that’s ok.

Set Routines and Limits

Yes, they may be growing up, but they aren’t adults yet. Even teenagers need routines and limits. It will help to make the transition to high school easier on both of you if make limits together before the first week of school. Sit down and tell your child what your expectations are and really listen to their expectations of you as well. Settle on certain guidelines and routines that make both of you happy with the end result. This not only puts your mind at ease, but will also show your teen that you acknowledge that they are capable of making sound decisions and taking other’s considerations into
account.

Parenting Teenagers can be a trying time and high school can seem overwhelming for them. Share in the good times and be there to lean on for the bad. Before you know it, you’ll be catching that cap and tassel at your teen’s graduation.

Real Life Guidance to Helping Your Teen in High School includes practical suggestions to help your child find his/her identity, avoid bullies, handle peer pressure and more.

To many parents, their children seem like a closed book. At times it appears to be impossible to get them to open up and talk about their lives. But talking to your child and being aware of what is going on in their lives is one of the greatest ways to shield them from danger. Spying and snooping around isn’t the best way to get that information either, it will only makes matters worse if your teen finds out.

Here are a few tips to help your teen open up:

Be open to what they say - When you get your teen to open up, don’t be shocked if they say some things you are not fond of. Just be open to what they’re telling you instead of being critical. You can express to them that you don’t approve of something without attacking them. If they feel relaxed talking about serious things, they’ll be more likely to come to you if they have a dilemma.

Find a common ground - Look for things that you and your child are both interested in. It’s easier to talk about something that you both have in common.

Spend more time together - A recent study showed that many teens complain that they are not receiving sufficient time with their parents. This is one of their top concerns. Many teens feel they can’t talk to their parents because they’re always at work or busy doing other things. Many time we fail to remember to take time out from our frantic lives to pay enough attention to our kids one on one.

Some suggestions for spending additional time with your teen are:

* Set up a definite time every week to spend time with your teen
* Have dinner at the table with the whole family as often as possible
* Work out or engage in a sporting activity with your child

While your teen may be hesitant to talk to you at first, keep trying. Likely, you’ll intimately break down the wall and they’ll look forward to talking with you and spending more time with you as well.

I wanted to share this great online resource with you called My Out of Control Teen: http://www.parentingmyteen.com/Out-of-Control.HTML

Don’t let the title fool you. Your teen doesn’t need to be totally out of control for you to reap the benefits of this great program because it is great for any parent of strong-willed children.

This program is an online parent support (OPS) system that includes the following:

• My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook (which contains 150 proven techniques to use with your strong-willed teen)
• Full access to Bonus eBooks Site
• Live audio recordings you can listen to online
• Power Point Presentations and Videos you can viewonline
• Full access to OPS Website

Best of all, it is at a great low price and comes with a no hassle money-back guarantee. Visit My Out Of Control Teen today and try it free!

Have you ever looked deeply at your parenting style to realize that on some occasions you turned into the screamer that you always said you’d never be?  Or perhaps you realize that you do or say things that, the minute they’re out of your mouth, you regret having said?   I think we as parents have been there at least once and if you are anything like me, it leaves you feeling badly and wondering what could have been done differently.

Although it may seem easier at the moment to yell at your teen in the midst of an unpleasant situation but in actuality, that will usually just add fuel to the fire.

Here are tips that you can use to curb your anger.  

Count to ten very slowly. Concentrate on the counting, regardless of what your child is doing or saying.
 
Put your hands in your pockets. (Please don’t laugh or snicker at this - this is a serious tip) This will help you resist the urge to use your hands in a threatening manner. 
 
Get away from the situation. Go into another room or take a walk. This gives both you and your teen some time to cool off.

Talk about the situation with your partner, another family member or perhaps a close friend.  Taking the time to talk the situation through will help you develop creative ideas for dealing with the situation.

Ask yourself questions!  How am I reacting to the situation? Why am I angry?

Finally, talk calmly.  Use “I” not “You” statements: “I am very upset about this because……” not, “You really MESSED UP, how could you have done this!”

There is no doubt you will get angry. There may be times you even say something that you really regret saying to your child. If your child said something similar to you, you would expect an apology. Remember, the same expectation also applies to parents.

Take Care and hug those teens!

Aurelia Williams

P.S. Check out –> How To Talk So Teens Will Listen