By: Yana Berlin

My husband and I had a very disturbing weekend.

It centered around an issue that far too many parents either don’t take seriously enough or bury their heads in the sand and avoid altogether.

I’m talking about teenage drinking.

Fortunately, the weekend turmoil resulted not from my own kids’ drinking but from the ignorance and denial exhibited by other parents. But before I climb up on my soapbox, let’s take a look at some frightening statistics.

Currently, alcohol use among young people under 21 is the leading drug problem in the U.S. According to the Center on Alcohol Marketing and Youth at Georgetown University:

teen drinking

* More youths in the U.S. drink alcohol than smoke tobacco or marijuana, making it the drug most used by young Americans.

* Every day, 5,400 young people under 16 take their first drink of alcohol.

* In 2005, one out of six eighth-graders, one in three tenth-graders, and nearly one out of two twelfth-graders were current drinkers.

* In 2004, more than 7 million youths ages 12 to 20 reported binge drinking, which is defined as “having five or more drinks on at least one occasion in the past 30 days.”

In addition, recent surveys have also found that:

* Girls are binge drinking more, while boys are binging less or increasing their binging at a slower rate than their female peers.

* Twelfth-grade female drinkers and binge drinkers are now more likely to drink distilled spirits than beer.

* The new “Alco pops” are particularly attractive to girls, and are most popular with the youngest drinkers.

The consequences of underage drinking are heartbreaking:

* Every day, three teens die from drinking and driving.

* At least six more youths under 21 die each day in non-driving alcohol-related cases, such as homicide, suicide and drowning.

* More than 70,000 college students are victims of alcohol-related sexual assault or date rape each year.

*Recent studies have found that heavy exposure to alcohol may interfere with adolescent brain development, causing loss of memory and other skills.

For a complete report of this Executive Summary, please see camy.org/research/status0306

A Parent In Denial

These are sobering statistics, ones that every parent should take note of. So why is it that most of the parents I talk seem to be in complete denial?

This weekend, my husband and I were awakened at 1:20 a.m. by a parent who called to tell us that our son had been drinking and was running around drunk. When I asked what made him think our son was drunk, he claimed that our son and several others had been in his house drinking (unsupervised), and took off when he and his wife came home.

Not surprisingly, this parent sounded quite upset. Because the drinking took place in his home, he was worried about what would happen if any of the boys in question got in trouble or, worse, got killed in a car crash.

I asked him to calm down, and explained that my son was already home. Although he did have one beer while at his friend’s house, he wasn’t drunk and he wasn’t driving. Moreover, all the other boys involved were at home and safe in bed.

At that point, the parent flew into a rage, saying he couldn’t believe that I knew my son drinks and questioning my fitness as a parent. When I asked if he knew that his own son drinks, he insisted that I didn’t know what I was talking about and ordered my son to stay out of his house.

The sad part is, his response did not shock or even surprise me very much. In fact, I have had this conversation (or ones very much like it) with parents on a regular basis. For some reason, parents don’t want to acknowledge that their kids drink, smoke, or try drugs. Of course, other kids do these kinds of things, but never their own.

This Is Your Wakeup Call!

I happen to know that this particular parent’s son has a serious drinking problem. Not only does he drink too often and too much (often during school), he also drives when he drinks. Yet, his parents refuse to acknowledge that he drinks at all, much less has a drinking problem.

Obviously, not every teenager has a drinking problem. But the harsh reality is this—like it or not, your kids will try cigarettes, alcohol and at least one recreational drug. Their behavior afterwards, and the choices they continue to make regarding alcohol and drugs, will depend to a large extent on your reaction to those experiments.

Instead of getting bent out of shape and claiming that it can’t or won’t happen in your house, please talk to your kids and listen without judgment. Allow your teenage children to confide in you, so that you can be there for them and guide them when they get into questionable situations.

My kids know-because I have told them again and again—that while I don’t support their drinking, I will be there for them (and all of their friends) if they should become inebriated. No matter what time of day or night, I will pick them up and drive everyone home if they don’t have a sober driver.

Even at fabulously forty we can still make bad choices, and we sometimes pay a hefty price when we do. So it’s natural to want to prevent our kids from doing the same.
But it’s far more important that our kids know that we love them and will be there for them when they do make a mistake.

Our children are a reflection on us, and we want them to be perfect. But as we all know, we don’t live in a perfect world. The way I see it, we have two choices. We can choose to have kids that are not so perfect but are alive and well, or we can choose to be ignorant of their faults and risk losing them.

Personally, I choose the first option. For your sake and that of your teenagers, I hope you do the same.

Yana Berlin is a proud mother of 4 wonderful children and a wife to a wonderful man that she adores.

Her oldest daughter is 20 and the youngest 15. As all of her friends began going through all sorts of changes with their bodies and mind, she took it upon herself to create this community of wonderful women who share the same goals, dreams, issues and fears. She feels that if women continue to help one another through exchange of information, nourishment and support, they will own the world.

Her goal is to connect women all over the world to communicate with each other so they can experience the same support and guidance that she receives from her girlfriends. Please Visit Yana’s site http://www.Fabulously40.com

Teenagers all over the world will take the leap from child to young adult this fall. They will be entering High School for the first time. This milestone brings a variety of feelings and emotions. They are beginning four of the most difficult, yet most memorable years of their life. If you think you are anxious and scared, try being your teen.

Here are a few Parenting Teenager tips on how to make the best of this stressful and confusing time in your teenager’s life.

Be Open and Understanding

Realize that your teen is going to be stressed and irritable for the first few weeks of their freshman year. There are many things that can contribute to your teen’s moodiness or withdrawn state. They are experiencing numerous changes in their life; all at the same time. Just like when you are pushed to your max with stress, your teen may experience headaches, stomachaches, or sleepiness. They need time and space to figure it all out in their own mind. Be patient and give them the time they need to sort things out for themselves.

Be Available and Reassuring

They may be young adults with a need to start making more decisions on their own and taking on more responsibility, but that doesn’t mean that they are full blown adults with minds that can handle all the stress and pressure of taking on those tasks. Reassure them that you are there when they need you and also how to “back off” when necessary so they can figure things out for themselves.

Your teenager is just that, a teen. You need to let them know that you trust them to make their own decisions. Let them know that you are always there should they get stuck and need a helping hand from someone they trust. Show them in ways other than saying things such as, “I’m here if you want to talk.” It’s not always easy for a teenager to start up a serious conversation, especially with Mom or Dad. There are times when you need to get creative. Depending on your teen that may mean writing a letter or taking them shopping and talking about what’s going on in their life while driving.

Be Supportive and Loving

Your teenager is no longer the ‘big dog’, but instead a ‘newbie’. Teenagers need to know that Mom and/or Dad support their decisions. They may have a difficult time fitting in; therefore, the need to try new things is necessary and helps them to figure out who they are. As long as the activity is not detrimental to them or anyone else, let them try a new sport, club, or other extracurricular hobby.

Support them in their decision, even if you know in the long run they will not participate next year. Give them the opportunity to find out for themselves if they enjoy certain activities. Remind them that family is something that will always be there. They are moving away from you as a parent but not disconnecting with the family completely and that’s ok.

Set Routines and Limits

Yes, they may be growing up, but they aren’t adults yet. Even teenagers need routines and limits. It will help to make the transition to high school easier on both of you if make limits together before the first week of school. Sit down and tell your child what your expectations are and really listen to their expectations of you as well. Settle on certain guidelines and routines that make both of you happy with the end result. This not only puts your mind at ease, but will also show your teen that you acknowledge that they are capable of making sound decisions and taking other’s considerations into
account.

Parenting Teenagers can be a trying time and high school can seem overwhelming for them. Share in the good times and be there to lean on for the bad. Before you know it, you’ll be catching that cap and tassel at your teen’s graduation.

Real Life Guidance to Helping Your Teen in High School includes practical suggestions to help your child find his/her identity, avoid bullies, handle peer pressure and more.

Teenagers have not always been known for their wise decisions.  More often than not, teenagers make rash decisions that have very little conscious thought involved and are more likely spurred on by the crowd.  In the past, these “adventures” involved car races or some form of dare that might cause harm (or embarrassment).  Today the adventures have turned more deadly.  The trend is to play a game - only this game is one of life or death.

The Choking Game (also known as the Blackout Game or the Fainting Game) is when one person shuts off the oxygen to his brain (sometimes by strangulation) in order to get a high from the experience.  This intentional deprivation of oxygen to the brain can result in unconsciousness, temporary or even permanent brain damage, or death.

It is important to talk to your teenager about who he (or she) is spending time with or what he is doing with his friends when he is out.  These recreational activities that teenagers are participating in are no games.  Not only can they cause problems in youth, but they can also lead to more dangerous scenarios as the teenager grows older.  Some teenagers who participate in the Choking Game eventually develop an unnatural fixation on erotic asphyxiation.

There are a variety of reasons that people say they participate in the Choking Game - none of which have ever been substantiated.  Some claim that it produces a brief high.  Others say that cutting off the oxygen produces a more enhanced sense of erotic feelings.  Some even suggest that it gives the same feeling of being intoxicated.  No matter what the reason, the truth is that no one can be sure just how much damage is being done neurologically each time the “game” is “played”.

It might surprise you to find out that this game has been around for longer than most experts realize.  As long as thirty years ago, kids in the school yard were hyperventilating on purpose to get a high or dizzy feeling associated with intoxication.  Unfortunately, the teenagers of today have found more effective ways to play the game.  Even more unfortunate is that few parents realize it is going on.  There are very few documented cases of injury or death from this game.

Make time to talk to your teenager on a regular basis.  Talk about things in the news, hobbies and interests or whatever your teenager wants to discuss.  When things come up, talk about situations like the Choking Game and how deadly serious they can be.  The more open and honest you are with your teenager about little things, the more open he (or she) will be to your opinion about important issues.

School’s Out for Summer: Do You Know Where Your Teen Will Be?

These are questions most parents face during the summertime. Perhaps both you and your husband work full time, or work at home. Whatever the case may be, your teen has a great deal of free time, which can either be utilized to increase their emotional and educational growth, or to engage in activities which may be the catalyst for potential trouble.

Let’s face it, for some teens the first day of summer is looked upon as a license to run wild with no cares in the world except their own. While every teen needs a few weeks to unwind, if there has been no advanced planning on what your teen can be doing during summertime, the door is open for them to waste time watching TV or playing video games or hooking up with friends and just hanging out at the beach. This is a great concern for parents who want their teens to increase their physical activity and mental prowess during the summer months in a safe environment.

What can parents do to ensure they are not only aware of where their teen will be, but what they will be doing?

If you are concerned about your teen this summer, it’s time to have a serious conversation wherein you set up a series of rules. Here are some tips which may help in this regard:

• Establish a curfew for your teen, both day and night.

• If you are a working parent, ask your teen what he or she will be doing during the day. Inform your teen that permission is required before they venture out.

• Remain in constant touch with your teen via a cell phone.

• Invited your teen’s friends over for a Saturday barbeque. This will allow you to get to know who your teen hangs out with.

• Set up a routine of chores your teen can help with at home, and for which he or she can earn extra money.

• Plan family outings to museums or places of interest on the weekends.

• Take your teen to the library and choose a number of books to read over the summer. Since this is a requirement of most public schools, encouraging your teen to expand his or knowledge will help them advance in school as well.

• Limit the amount of TV and computer time. Use parental controls, which are part of all Internet service providers.

• If you are a working parent, plan a week’s vacation for the entire family. You can either choose a destination that has a great deal of history, or a place in which the family can spend quality time together and reestablish the family unit.

Summertime for teens can either be a safe, fun-filled experience, or it can be a time where worry is your constant enemy. Open communication with your teen is not only important, but is paramount in continuing parental control over your teen in every facet of their growth. While your teen may not like it now, they will thank you later.

Visit parenting my teen to plan For the Perfect Teen Summer and gain more ideas on keeping your teen out of trouble, motivated and learning during the summer.

Owning a car is a serious responsibility. Not only are you responsible for the vehicle, but you are responsible for the lives of everyone in the vehicle and everyone that comes around the vehicle when it is moving. A license is not the best sign to determine if your teenager is ready for his own car. Here are some points to consider.

1. An understanding of finances can be invaluable when it comes to owning a car. Ideally, the teenager needs to have earned at least a portion of the purchase price. After the car has been bought, it is a good idea for the new driver to be financially obligated to purchase the gas, do regular maintenance and pay for the insurance - all with his own money. The need for income cannot replace the need for good grades in school. A responsible person will figure out how to balance the two needs in order to accomplish his goals.

2. Almost anyone can pass the driver’s test given locally. It is far more important that Mom or Dad give the new driver a passing grade. Not only should the teenager know the legal rules, but he should understand how to drive defensively and learn to see problems before they arise.

3. A teenager that is respectful to Mom and Dad and other adults is much more likely to be respectful to authority. Attitude is not a good thing on the road. If your teenager shows respect and a mild temperament then he may be ready to have his own vehicle.

4. One good turn deserves another. Let your teenager borrow your car for a few nights (or even a couple of weeks). Long enough for the novelty of driving to wear off. After that you will likely see how he is going to treat his own car if you ever decide he is ready for one.

5. It is extremely important that your teenager have plenty of time behind the wheel before she flies solo. It is just as important that she experience different driving situations. Take her on a road trip and let her do some driving on the interstate, in city traffic and other situations you think might arise. Give her the experience a little bit at a time and her sense of responsibility and confidence behind the wheel will continue to grow.

6. Each teenager will be different. It’s not a good idea to set a date deadline for getting a teenager his first car. Instead judge each individual on his (or her) attitudes and actions.

Giving a teenager a car is like providing her with a weapon that weighs over a ton and that goes 70 miles an hour. It can be dangerous and scary. Be sure that your teenager appreciates the severity of the situation, is willing to take financial responsibility and is determined to respect the rules and authority that govern the road.