Being a parent of any teenager can be a tough job.  Being a parent of a teenage girl in today’s society can be completely nerve-racking.  Even when you teach your children strong values and morals, you still can’t be 100% sure of what they do when they walk out your door.  It can be hard to decide if you should allow your teenage daughter to begin using birth control, even if you know that there is a medical reason for that birth control.  So, how do you decide what to do?  Here are some tips:

1.  Be honest with your daughter.  Talk to her about the benefits that some hormonal methods of birth control might offer her during her menstrual cycle.  Also talk to her about any side effects that might occur from that birth control.  Take some time to research the information on the internet together.  Make an appointment to visit with the doctor so he or she can answer any additional questions (or correct misconceptions) you might have.

2.  Look for honesty from your daughter.  Although hormonal birth control can prevent pregnancy, if your daughter is sexually active (or considering the option) then it is not the only answer.  Find out what your daughter is doing so that you can help her understand the consequences of her decisions and also so you can help her best protect herself if she decides to continue down that path.

3.  Play the “what if” game.  This is going to be much easier if you have already established a relationship with your daughter prior to this point.  Ask her things like, “What if you did get pregnant?” or “what if he was infected?” or “what if others find out?”  The answers to these questions may help her make her decisions and they may also help to guide the choice of birth control.

4.  Be honest with yourself.  Unless you keep your daughter locked up for the rest of her life, she is going to make her own decisions.  All you can do is support and inform her about where those decisions are likely to take her in life.  If you believe that she is sexually active then do whatever is necessary to protect her from possible life-altering (and even deadly) mistakes.

5.  Share the statistics.  Help your daughter to understand the dangers that sexual activity can bring in the form of STDs.  Show her the statistics for birth control options (particularly any you can find based on incorrect usage).  Help her to see that the only safe and 100% effective form of birth control is abstinence.

There are valid reasons to have your teenage daughter begin taking birth control.  Even if the reasons are medical, be sure to discuss all the complications and difficulties that may lie ahead in your child’s sexual life.

Talking to a teenager about anything can be a Herculean task under the best of circumstances.  Talking to YOUR teen about SEX in any shape, form or fashion can be an impossible chasm to cross.  However, instead of fretting over the reaction your teen will have, make some time to take the plunge and discuss sex and abstinence with him (or her).  Remember that you won’t lose anything by trying.

To talk about abstinence, you have to understand the importance of abstinence in the life and health of everyone who participates in it.  Not only is it the only method of birth control that is 100% effective, it is also the only thing that will guarantee your teen will not be exposed to STDs.

Think of it in these terms: if you never open a container, then no germs will ever get in.  That container will always remain sterile and safe.  The same is true about abstinence.  By choosing to refrain from sexual activity, your teen will ensure her (or his) physical wellbeing when it comes to sexual situations.

A teen that chooses abstinence will also guarantee that no life-altering situations (like an unexpected pregnancy) will come up.  Despite what most teens believe, if they are having sex then they should be prepared to deal with a pregnancy.  There is no full-proof method of birth control besides abstinence.  Some teens that are using birth control pills, condoms, or other methods will still become pregnant and have to deal with the repercussions.

Abstinence, at its very basic, is not having sex.  But at the heart of the issue there is much more.  Choosing to abstain from sexual activities (including “fooling around”) can be a difficult road for you teen to walk alone.  Be sure that you both understand what will be faced and build a support network (other trusted adults and peers) that will help make the choice an easier one.

Don’t wait until your child is a teen to start talking to him (or her) about his body.  The more comfortable you both are about discussing issues, the easier it will be (for both of you) to talk about abstinence.

If your child is already a teen, then it’s still not too late.  Make a date with her (or him) to be some place alone and quiet (where prying eyes and ears cannot get involved).  Be open and honest with your teen and allow them to be open and honest with you.

Abstinence is more than a form of birth control.  It is a life choice that could affect the health, future and physical well being of your teen from now until the end of her life.

Most parents have some fears of the day their child will start dating.  It is the big sign that they’re growing up and are entering adulthood.  But it’s important to remember that they do still need you now and this is a normal development phase of the teen years.  There are also things you can do to make dating easier for both of you.

Talk to your teen about what a good relationship is.  While you may think your teen already knows how to date, they probably don’t.  Most of their information comes from media that’s meant to be entertaining, not realistic.  Make sure your child understands what it means to be in a loving and supporting relationship.  Once you’re done talking, set a good example in your relationship with your significant other. 

Once your child starts dating, don’t stop talking to them about relationships.  Dating doesn’t always go as you expect; your child may need someone to come to if they have a problem.  You need to keep the lines of communication open and also reiterate to them how they should treat people and expect to be treated in a relationship.

When it comes time to meet your teen’s date, be kind and respectful.  While you may want to give a lecture on the rules; their date is not the one you should be talking to.  It is your teen’s responsibility to know your rules and follow them.  Also, while you may not like the person your child is dating, be supportive.  If you have taught them about a proper relationship, then you should trust them to make their own decisions.  Only intervene if you think the relationship is dangerous for your child.

As a parent, it is important for you to recognize the danger signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship.  If you have a concern, talk honestly with your child and ask other’s for help.  Here are some clues that your child’s relationship may be in trouble.

* Constant visits and phone calls
* Having to report where they are and what they’re doing
* Signs of physical abuse
* Signs of depression
It may be hard to see your child growing up and finding new people to get close to, but if you take the right steps and teach them how relationships are supposed to be, they’re much more likely to make the right choices.

Kids today are learning about sex earlier and earlier.  The biggest problem is: much of the information they’re getting is wrong.  I cannot begin to tell you the incorrect and sometimes crazy things I’ve heard from my friends about sex, and much of this was when I was in college.  That’s why it’s important for parents to talk to their kids about safe sex.  That way, they get correct information from a reliable source.  This could not only keep your child from becoming a parent too soon; it could also save their life. 

Before you talk to your kids about STD’s and safe sex, go out and learn about it yourself.  You can’t teach your child correct information if you don’t have it.  Even if you were informed when you are younger, there’s a lot of information and products available now that you may have missed.  There are tons of organizations out there ready and willing to inform you and your child about the options.  If you don’t know where to get started, check out Planned Parenthood.  They generally have the most up to date information available. 

While your preference may be to teach your kids about abstinence as the only form of safe sex, this method is generally considered to be unreliable.  It may seem that teaching them how to be safe is just encouraging them to have sex, but just advocating abstinence has repeatedly failed to keep kids from having sex.  Plus, knowing the dangers of sex may discourage your child from having it.   

Some parents may be uncomfortable talking to their kids about safe sex, but it important for them to get the information anyway.  If you don’t feel you can talk to your kids, enroll them in sex education classes (a good idea anyway).  If you feel your child isn’t responding, you can try to find them a peer educator, or refer them to websites by teens for teens (there are plenty of good ones).  Someone their age may be better at getting their message across.

While it may be uncomfortable or hard for you to talk about, you should educate your child about safe sex.  This way they can make informed, educated choices about their lives.

These are subjects you’ll want to talk about with your children before there is a problem. As a family, you can establish boundaries and consequences and come to a common understanding of what is acceptable.

Sex: According to Advocates for Youth, statistics indicate that children who talk to their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as having sex without condoms. 70.6% of teens who reported they didn’t feel comfortable talking to their parents had sex by age 17-19. That compares to 57.9% of teens who reported a close relationship.

It’s true. Not talking to your children about sex isn’t that likely to keep them from doing it. But the opposite is also true. Talking to them about it, isn’t more likely to have them engaging in sexual activity. If it means having sexually active children behaving maturely, talking things out can only help keep our kids safer.

If you think your child is already having sex, chat with them about it. Don’t get angry, but approach it in a calm and reasonable manner. Talk to them about your experiences and be honest. If your child has a boyfriend/girlfriend and things seem to be getting serious, start the conversation if you haven’t already. Above all, make sure they are being safe.

Drugs & Alcohol: Many professionals agree that when parents talk to their kids about drugs and alcohol, those discussions are very likely to shape the child’s attitude about those subjects.

Before you talk to your kids – educate yourself. Check with your local school, library or even look online for the straight facts about drugs and alcohol. Simply telling your kids, “Drugs and alcohol are dangerous,” isn’t going to be as efficient as truly illustrating the very real dangers of substance abuse. Try not to lecture, listen to what your kids have to say and really talk about the issues.

As always, keep it casual. If you spend time with your teenagers and keep the lines of communication open, bringing up the subject is much easier.

Signs of Drug & Alcohol Use: Look out for these tell-tale signs that your child might be using drugs or alcohol:

• Loss of interest in family and other usual activities.
• Not living up to responsibilities.
• Verbally or physical abusiveness.
• Coming home late.
• Increased dishonesty.
• Declining grades.
• Severe mood swings.
• Big change in sleeping patterns..

Understand that a lot of the above signs, especially near the top of the list, could mean a multitude things. Teenagers who are depressed can act in similar ways. When approaching your child, don’t be accusatory. Try to connect with them and see what’s really happening in their lives.

Additional Resources:

Teen Addiction -  This anthology presents an examination of the causes of teen addiction and various proposals to reduce or solve the problem, as well as the personal narratives of teens struggling to overcome their addictions.