One of the most difficult, but necessary, conversations a parent needs to have with their teen is about sex.  Its embarrassing, makes all participants uncomfortable, and, depending on what is said, it might be downright frightening.  Parents can not let any of these reasons deter them from what may be a life saving conversation.

Teens involved in sex at too early of an age are not equipped with the tools necessary to make informed decisions.  It is up to the parents to ensure that preteens and teens are given the right information, at the right time.  Getting the “facts” from their friends can lead to incorrect information, which can lead to dangerous situations that they are not prepared for.  Statistics for teen pregnancy and contraction of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are frightening.  750,000 teen aged girls will become pregnant every year, accounting for nearly 1/3 of all girls in the United States.  Nearly 1/4 of all sexually active teens will contract an STD.  The number may actually be higher though, since many cases can go undetected for years.

Before sitting down with your preteen or teenager, parents should become familiar with the latest information and statistics regarding sex.  Passing on old information, or old misconceptions, is not beneficial and will only lead to confusion for the teenager when confronted with conflicting information from school heath education classes or friends.  A good resource for parents is http://www.pamf.org/teen/parents/sex/sex.html, which offers advice on speaking to teens about sex, as well as links to various medical sites with specific information about STDs and adolescent health.

One worry that some parents may have, is that by talking to their preteen or teenager about sex, will lead to teens having sex.  The truth is the exact opposite.  Research has shown that by talking to kids early and giving them accurate information, they will be more likely to postpone sex until a later age.  Postponing sex until a later age, or until marriage, reduces the risks of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, reduces the instances of teen pregnancy, and can help raise a teenager’s self esteem by teaching them that they are worth more than a quick romp in the hay.

If parents are nervous or uncomfortable about having a discussion about sex, admitting it to your teen may be just the ice breaker needed in order to have a productive conversation.  Let your teenager know that no question is off limits, and if you do not know an answer, admit it and use it as an opportunity to research the answer together.  Parents should try to not be judgemental in their answers to questions, even if their teen is admitting to having had sex already.  As hard as that may seem, you want your teenager to feel comfortable coming to you when they have specific questions or if they have a problem.  Open communication between parents and children is the single most important preventative measure that families can take.

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In a recent news story, Fox News revealed that an 11 year old girl had given birth to her first child. The doctors discussed how difficult the birth was because the child’s body had not even developed enough to give birth; she did not even have enough breast tissue to be able to nurse the child. This is an extreme situation, but teen pregnancy and sexually active teens are on the rise again, making it crucial to start talking about sex you’re your teens and younger kids now.

Talking about sex with your teen is one of the toughest conversations you will ever have, but not talking about sex with your teen is even worse. Just talking to your teens about sex, about the changes their bodies will undergo, and how to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancy, AIDS, and STDs can make a huge difference in the choices they make. Arming your teen with information by talking about sex is not condoning sexual activity.

Teens are overexposed to information about sex. Their friends talk about it at school. It’s in the advertisements they see on TV. It’s all over the Internet. You cannot prevent your teen from being exposed to sexual information, but you can create an open and honest environment in which your teen can comfortable talk with you about sex and sexuality. You may not be able to control everything they see and hear, but you can make sure they have access to accurate and complete information by talking about sex and making good choices about sex decisions.

The key to talking about sex with your teen is to not panic. Sex and sexual urges are a natural part of the human condition. The more comfortable you are with sex, the easier it will be for you to talk about sex with your teens. It is important not to be overbearing or make it a big deal. Take natural opportunities, like a shared movie or an ad you both see that makes talking about sex easier.

With more than half of all teens experimenting sexually before age 16, talking about sex should start when your teens are young and the conversation should happen more than once. You can let your teen know about your personal beliefs while still letting them know the risks they take by having unprotected sex. What you should not do is threaten your teen or make black and white ultimatums. If you tell your teen that you’ll kick her out if she gets pregnant or that you will never forgive him for having sex before marriage, you create a situation where your teen will not feel comfortable coming to you for advice or to talk when he or she is under pressure to give in to sex.

Instead, when talking about sex, help your teen gain a balanced perspective about sex and his or her own sexuality. Be understanding and forthright. Teach your teen to value his or her body and treat it with respect. Answer questions and be honest. In this day and age of immediate access to an abundance of information, telling your teen about storks and birds and bees isn’t going to cut it. By being open and honest when talking about sex, your teen will respect you and listen to you and feel comfortable coming to you when they need information.

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Prom is one of the most exciting times in a teen’s life. There is excitement in finding the perfect dress or suit, the perfect boutonniere or corsage, planning the ride whether it’s renting a limo or borrowing your parent’s fancy car and of course dinner. Getting to prom is probably three-quarters of the fun, if not more, for most teens. What happens at prom and after also needs to be well thought out, because this is when most teens drink and/or have sex their first time.

Help your Teen Abstain

Whether it’s from drinking or sex, you, the parent, can help your teen abstain from those things which you know can harm them, if not now, down the road into their future. Talking to your kids about your thoughts on drinking and having sex will help them make the better decision when faced with peer pressure and temptation.

Protect Your Teen

But, sometimes talking isn’t enough to keep your teen out of harm’s way. Teens often view drinking as fun and having sex as a rite of passage, especially at prom, so no matter what you say, if they have their mind set on it, they’re most likely going to do it anyway. So what can you do? Remind them of the consequences they’ll face if they do drink; not only the ones from you, such as grounding, taking their cell phones or cars away, but also the ones from the law. Underage drinking is illegal and the police will be watching. If you know your teen is planning to drink at prom or after, don’t hesitate in calling the police. As mean as it may sound, it is probably the best thing you can do to prevent your teen from future alcoholism or drug problems.

As far as sex goes, again let your teen know how much you care about them and their future. If you feel your teen is going to have sex prom night, arm them with protection. I’m not saying to give them permission, but if you know for a fact they’re planning it, it’s better to have them be protected than not.

Always give your teen a way out by telling them they can call you if they need a ride or just need to taken out of a situation or temptation. Be there for your teen. If a peer or friend is pressuring them into something they don’t want to do, or knows goes against your rules and beliefs, let them know they can always trust and rely on you and that you’re there for them, no matter what!

Prom is supposed to be a fun and exciting time in your teen’s life, but a lot of times it turns out to be harmful for your teen. Know your teen’s plans for prom, where they’re going and who they are going with and at what times. It’s never too late to get involved in your teen’s life, but it could be too late to stop a drunk driving accident or an unexpected pregnancy at prom if you don’t take action beforehand.

Learn how to make sense of what’s going on with your teen and be able to offer them the help they need with Real Life Guidance to Understanding Your Teen.

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If you believe your teen should wait until they are married or an adult to have sex, how can you protect your child and teach them to abstain? When teens know the rules of their house and what you expect of them, more likely than not, they will abide by those rules. Whether we believe it or not, our children want and need our guidance and direction and will often follow our example.

If you believe your teen should wait to have sex, here are some things you can do to ensure that he or she does.

1. Don’t allow your teen to be alone with another teen or young adult of the opposite sex, even if they claim to be “just friends”.  Too many times, one thing leads to another and soon enough you’re teen is pregnant or has an STD, not to mention the emotional bondage that occurs when two people have sex.
2. Allow group dating only and with friends who hold the same beliefs as you. And don’t just trust your teen to tell you their friends believe the same way you do; ask them yourself, get to know their parents and actually spend some time with your kids friends.
3. Teach your child about the dangers of sex before marriage. One in 4 teen girls has an STD. That’s right, one in 4. Those STD’s don’t just spread by themselves. Teenagers are having sex and passing diseases around like it’s no big deal.
4. Monitor their cell phone use. Teens today have more access than ever to each other and often engage in “sexting”. Sexting is using a cell phone’s text messaging system to have sexual conversations with members of the opposite (or same) sex. If a cell phone is equipped with a camera and photo sending and receiving, teens can also take photos of themselves nude and ‘text’ them to other people and vice versa.
5. Monitor computer use. With today’s computer technology, our teens have more access than ever to their friends and other people. Know who your teen’s friends are on Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. Check the history of your computer often. If it’s wiped out, then be suspicious and question. Put monitoring software on your home computer as well as your teen’s laptop if applicable.

Don’t assume teen pregnancy or an STD won’t happen to your teenager. As parents, we must protect and teach our children if we want them to grow up healthy, happy and successful. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

If you’re teen is already having sex, is pregnant or has an STD and you’d like help dealing with it and guidance for you and your teen, click here.

I know this isn’t something I had to deal with, or perhaps wasn’t aware of when I was in high school, and as the parent of a teen, you may not be aware of it either. But, studies indicate that 1 in 3 teens will experience some sort of abuse in a dating relationship and two-thirds of them will never report it. I don’t know about you, but that blows me away. Now, we’re not talking just physical abuse; we’re talking about emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and sexual abuse.

What You Can Do to Help Prevent Teen Abuse in a Dating Relationship

Most often, teens aren’t even aware they are being abused. They think being pressured into having oral sex, intercourse, being hit or talked down to from their boyfriend or girlfriend is normal in a relationship. The best way to prevent this is to educate them about what is proper treatment from another person. You can get this type of information from Break the Cycle, Love is Respect, and Love is Not Abuse. You can also Google “teen dating abuse” and browse the web for further information and help.

How to know if Your Teen has been abused in a Dating Relationship

If two-thirds of teens that are abuses won’t open up about it, how do you know or what are some signs you can look for? One of the major signs your teen is being abused in a dating relationship is if the other person in the relationship seems to be controlling or overbearing. This is probably the most common sign to spot from an outsider and includes telling them how to dress, having to know where they are at all times, not allowing them to hang out with other friends, and humiliating them in front of others.

Other signs may include:

• Getting upset when told to turn off their cell phone
• Not hanging out with their usual circle of friends
• Isolating themselves with just their boyfriend or girlfriend
• Withdrawn
• Angry
• Makes excuses for their boyfriend or girlfriend

If you see any of these signs in your teen or perhaps one of their friends, seek help immediately! Call 911 or your nearest women’s shelter. You should also call the parents of your teen’s friend, if that is the case. Counseling is also advised for anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship. You can also put an personal protective order against the abuser through a court order.

Yes, it is possible to understand your teen. Check out Real Life Guidance To Understanding Your Teen and learn how.