If you believe your teen should wait until they are married or an adult to have sex, how can you protect your child and teach them to abstain? When teens know the rules of their house and what you expect of them, more likely than not, they will abide by those rules. Whether we believe it or not, our children want and need our guidance and direction and will often follow our example.

If you believe your teen should wait to have sex, here are some things you can do to ensure that he or she does.

1. Don’t allow your teen to be alone with another teen or young adult of the opposite sex, even if they claim to be “just friends”.  Too many times, one thing leads to another and soon enough you’re teen is pregnant or has an STD, not to mention the emotional bondage that occurs when two people have sex.
2. Allow group dating only and with friends who hold the same beliefs as you. And don’t just trust your teen to tell you their friends believe the same way you do; ask them yourself, get to know their parents and actually spend some time with your kids friends.
3. Teach your child about the dangers of sex before marriage. One in 4 teen girls has an STD. That’s right, one in 4. Those STD’s don’t just spread by themselves. Teenagers are having sex and passing diseases around like it’s no big deal.
4. Monitor their cell phone use. Teens today have more access than ever to each other and often engage in “sexting”. Sexting is using a cell phone’s text messaging system to have sexual conversations with members of the opposite (or same) sex. If a cell phone is equipped with a camera and photo sending and receiving, teens can also take photos of themselves nude and ‘text’ them to other people and vice versa.
5. Monitor computer use. With today’s computer technology, our teens have more access than ever to their friends and other people. Know who your teen’s friends are on Facebook, MySpace and Twitter. Check the history of your computer often. If it’s wiped out, then be suspicious and question. Put monitoring software on your home computer as well as your teen’s laptop if applicable.

Don’t assume teen pregnancy or an STD won’t happen to your teenager. As parents, we must protect and teach our children if we want them to grow up healthy, happy and successful. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

If you’re teen is already having sex, is pregnant or has an STD and you’d like help dealing with it and guidance for you and your teen, click here.

I know this isn’t something I had to deal with, or perhaps wasn’t aware of when I was in high school, and as the parent of a teen, you may not be aware of it either. But, studies indicate that 1 in 3 teens will experience some sort of abuse in a dating relationship and two-thirds of them will never report it. I don’t know about you, but that blows me away. Now, we’re not talking just physical abuse; we’re talking about emotional abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and sexual abuse.

What You Can Do to Help Prevent Teen Abuse in a Dating Relationship

Most often, teens aren’t even aware they are being abused. They think being pressured into having oral sex, intercourse, being hit or talked down to from their boyfriend or girlfriend is normal in a relationship. The best way to prevent this is to educate them about what is proper treatment from another person. You can get this type of information from Break the Cycle, Love is Respect, and Love is Not Abuse. You can also Google “teen dating abuse” and browse the web for further information and help.

How to know if Your Teen has been abused in a Dating Relationship

If two-thirds of teens that are abuses won’t open up about it, how do you know or what are some signs you can look for? One of the major signs your teen is being abused in a dating relationship is if the other person in the relationship seems to be controlling or overbearing. This is probably the most common sign to spot from an outsider and includes telling them how to dress, having to know where they are at all times, not allowing them to hang out with other friends, and humiliating them in front of others.

Other signs may include:

• Getting upset when told to turn off their cell phone
• Not hanging out with their usual circle of friends
• Isolating themselves with just their boyfriend or girlfriend
• Withdrawn
• Angry
• Makes excuses for their boyfriend or girlfriend

If you see any of these signs in your teen or perhaps one of their friends, seek help immediately! Call 911 or your nearest women’s shelter. You should also call the parents of your teen’s friend, if that is the case. Counseling is also advised for anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship. You can also put an personal protective order against the abuser through a court order.

Yes, it is possible to understand your teen. Check out Real Life Guidance To Understanding Your Teen and learn how.

You’ve probably heard some of the uproar about Adam Lambert’s performance on the American Music Awards recently. If not, here’s an article one of my friends and fellow work at home mom buddies wrote, which is where I first heard about it since I did not watch the awards show.

When I saw the video (which has since been removed due to copyright issues) I was appalled. I think it was a disgusting performance and very distasteful. I’m not an Adam Lambert fan at all, never was. I personally don’t care for his voice and all that screaming he does. That’s beside the point. The point is our teens and maybe even children saw it. What did it teach them?

I am not a perfect parent, and I’m not one of those parents who shelter my kids from the outside world. My kids go to the movies, watch TV, go to school dances, etc. But, there are some things that should be left in the bedroom and not plastered on a big screen, or small one for that matter.

Think about it. How uncomfortable do you feel if say some friends of yours happen to kiss in front of you? I don’t mean a little peck on the lips, I’m talking about a full out spit swapping, tonsil hockey, French kiss. I know I feel uncomfortable and want to leave the room. Why would I want to watch it on TV or in the movies? I have watched make-out sessions on TV and at the movies, and they can be quite uncomfortable, especially when they lead to more.

When my friend’s blog posted on Facebook, there was a big discussion going on about Adam Lambert’s performance, whether it was distasteful or not. Someone even went so far as to say it was art. And some may view it as a form of art, but it’s still not something I would want my kids to see.

There is so much stuff out there, and the regulations guiding what’s allowed and what’s not allowed to be shown on TV or in the movies, or heard in music are getting more and more tolerant. What used to be rated R back when I was a teen is now rated PG-13, and what was rated PG-13 is rated PG or even G.

Our children are so influenced by what they see in the media, it’s no wonder more and more teens are addicted to internet porn, “sexting”, and sex. As parents it’s up to us to protect them and teach them about sex. When your teen sees the kind of performance given by Adam Lambert, or sexual scenes in the movies and on TV, those images stick with them and that’s what they learn from.

Be proactive with your teen by teaching them and guiding them what you want them to learn. Don’t leave it up to the media or society.

Okay, that’s my rant for the day. What are your thoughts or comments on this subject?

As you may or may not know, I’m a youth leader in our church and we just found out that one of our 14 year old girls thinks she’s pregnant. This little girl’s parents are divorced and she lives with her grandparents. Her grandparents do not know about this yet.

Last night I had a chance to talk with her a little bit about it, though the conversation wasn’t as deep as I would have liked it to be. I asked her about the dad and he is her current boyfriend, who is also 14. I’m kind of in shock, but not completely. I also asked her what her thoughts are about this and her reply was, “It really didn’t hit me until just now”. Honestly I don’t think she really thinks about what she’s doing. I know, because of years of experience in youth ministry and in my own life experiences, that she is looking for love and there are some major family history issues at the root of this. When I was growing up, I too was looking for love, to be loved, by anyone, by any boy more specifically, therefore I soaked up any attention I got from the opposite sex which led to a life style of promiscuity in my later teen years. I can see this girl going down the exact same road as I. Oh how I don’t want her to take this road. And though I can and have talked to her about it, I think my words fall on deaf ears.

I didn’t specifically ask her “how this happened”, as in where and when, but it’s not surprising that it did. You see, even at youth group, at church, she is known for disappearing, even for just a minute or two, and she’s always found making out with a boy in some dark hallway or isolated room. My heart goes out to her because I know what she’s feeling. She thinks she’s feeling love, but in reality all she’s doing is digging a hole to a life of loneliness and emptiness.

Another youth leader and I prayed with her last night, but I could tell it really wasn’t sinking in, the depth of the issue. You see, the issue isn’t only that she might be pregnant, but that she thinks she has to give herself sexually to boys. She’s missing a deeper love, the love from her father. Her father is in her life somewhat, but he is remarried with 3 or 4 other small children from his new wife and a baby on the way. And her mom is barely in her life at all. I wish I could bring her home with me.

I guess I don’t really have a point to this post. I just wanted to get this out there. If you have a teen at home, just love them. They’re not perfect, they’re hormonal, they’re odd, they may have funny colored hair, funky piercings and weird tattoos, or they may dress preppy and only eat lettuce and run 5 times a day (I had a friend like that back in high school); no matter what they wear or how they look, they need to know they are loved; loved by mom and loved by dad. And I’m not saying her parents don’t love her, I don’t actually know. All I know is she is longing to be loved and looking for that love in all the wrong places.

What are your thoughts on this?

What I am about to tell you may save the life of your child. In today’s world the safety and well-being of your teenager depends on his awareness and knowledge of sex.

It is critical that you, as a responsible and loving parent address that issue in detail. Here are some key questions to broach the subject, to let your child know you care and want the best for him.

Recognize he may be reluctant to speak about something so personal with you if you are not accustomed to sharing feelings and intimate topics. You may feel embarrassed bringing up the subject.

Before you do, be sure you can answer these questions for yourself. Also, decide what you are comfortable sharing about your personal experiences and beliefs on the subject of teen sexuality and activity.

* To start, simply ask your teenager, “What kind of questions do you have or what do you want to know more about regarding sex?” You will certainly grab his attention.

* You may want to throw out some information he is unlikely to know, something like, “Do you know that the sex partners you choose can influence your vulnerability to certain types of cancer?”

The object here is to get your child talking-or at least willing to talk. He may tell you he knows everything he needs to know. Where do you go from there?

* Ask, “Do you know that sex is not the same thing as love?” Watch his face for acknowledgement, disagreement, or confusion. Follow up with, “Sex is physical while love is emotional”.

Listen to him. Pay attention to what he says and to the words he does not speak. Notice his body language, hear the underlying message, the words between the lines, his tone, word choice and pace. Note his emotions, eye contact, and whether he is at ease or trying to conceal any discomfort.

If you do observe that he is uncomfortable, tell him you noticed and ask if he wants to talk about what is bothering him. Assure him that you are not here to judge him.

Most important, let him know you are having this talk because you love him and no matter what he has done or is thinking about doing, he is safe talking with you. Tell him nothing can change your love for him.

And then go where he takes you. If he chooses to be silent, let him be silent. It is okay to have silence. You do not need to speak. He may be processing.

Give him the time and space he needs to do what he needs to do. He knows you are available when he wants to talk.

Facts are key. If he has unanswered questions, where can he go for accurate information? The streets, his friends, and the media may not be the best place to find what he seeks on the subject of sex.

* Be sure you ask your child, “Do you know that protection is not a 100% guarantee of health, safety or an absolute deterrent to pregnancy?” Be sure he knows the consequences of the actions he may or may not take.

* Follow-up with, “Do you want help or advice in obtaining protection?” That question is especially important for girls who may want to see a gynecologist and may not know how to find a good one who can take care of her needs.

If your teen uses the Internet, know that more than 61,000 searches were done in the month of April on phrases dealing with teen pornography. What pages is your child visiting? Ask. Know that if you impose your will he will go elsewhere to pursue his desires. Build trust with your teenager.

The purpose in having this talk is education. I do not, in any way, shape, or form, advocate teen sex. However, statistics show that youngsters as young as 13 engage in sexual activity. Have the talk now.

When hormones and peer pressure kick in, a wise and educated youngster, who has previously given thought to and made decisions about his actions, has a better chance of living the life he wants than one who has not prepared himself for the inevitable emotions and situations that will come up in life.

Actions and results, desirable and undesirable, reflect self esteem. To change behaviors, treat the cause not just the symptoms.

What is the cost, to you and to him, of not knowing where your teenager stands on sex?

Ali Bierman — To find out more and grab your gift, the e-course, Parents, Are You Making These 6 Mistakes with Your Child? click here now http://www.saveyourchildnow.com

Teens don’t come with an instruction manual, but you can certainly find the guidance to help you understand your teen. Click here to find out more about the Real Life Guidance to Understanding Your Teen and get instant access to your practical guide.