We have all heard it, parenting teens is difficult. But until you experience the confusion, heartache, and fear that a teen’s careless and self destructive behavior can cause in a family, it’s nearly impossible to fully understand the reason teens have such a collective bad reputation among parents.

If you find yourself trying to parent a teen who behaves in ways that totally blindside you and leave you frustrated, worried, and without answers, life can become very emotional and stressful. An out of control teen can wreak havoc on a family and household. Ahead are some suggestions for dealing with a troubled teen that will hopefully keep the damage they cause in your home and family to a minimum.

Get back to the basics – If you have a teen who is engaging in unacceptable and/or self destructive behaviors, you are likely very concerned. These behaviors may include ditching school, experimenting with drugs and/or alcohol, or sexual activity. One part of your approach to modifying your child’s behavior is to remove all forms of their entertainment. This would include restricting them from hanging out with friends, using the phone, watching TV, using the Internet, and any other forms of entertainment, such as video game privileges at home. If you have to, clear their room of everything but their bed, and necessary furniture and clothing. Consider doing this for an extended period of time, only offering to return items and privileges when your teen has earned them back. If they don’t earn them, well then, they just don’t get them back. Even if this doesn’t get them to behave in the manner you wish, it does teach them that when they don’t behave maturely and responsibly in their lives, they lose what is important to them. This is an important life lesson for everyone to learn, and you owe it to your teen to teach it to them.

Take away decision making opportunities – If your teen is making self destructive choices, it is your responsibility to remove decision making opportunities from their lives. If they can’t seem to handle making responsible choices when with friends, then they shouldn’t be allowed to spend time with friends. If your teen sneaks around every time they are supposed to be at work, or even on their way to or from work, then they should not be permitted to keep their job. If every time they walk out the door they engage in behavior that puts their health, safety, and future at risk, then you may have to go as far as pulling them out of school to home school them. I personally have taken this route, and my husband and I feel it is one of the best decisions we have ever made as parents.

Out with the bad, in with the good - Even though teens are old enough to be responsible for their own decisions, they are most influenced by their peers. As a result, if they happen to be caught up with a group of kids who accept alcohol and drug abuse, ditching school, sexual promiscuity and other irresponsible and self destructive behaviors, then the likelihood that your teen is taking part in these behaviors as a result of peer pressure is high. It is not an easy task, but separating your troubled teen from these influences can make a huge difference. At the same time, finding other opportunities for them to spend time with teens who are involved in more constructive behaviors can help your teen to change their focus and direction. Church youth groups and sporting activities such as karate are good places to start. Teaching your child that the world does not revolve around them, and that they have an obligation to be a productive part of society is very important as well, and you can work to teach them this through community service, such as volunteering at a homeless shelter.

Show love – Even though your teen may be acting more unlovable than you could have ever imagined, it is profoundly important that he or she has no reason to doubt your love for them. If your teen acts angry and will not accept shows of love such as hugs, at least remind them that you love them often. If you feel the lines of communication are so strained that you cannot do even this, express how you feel in writing, and just leave the note in their room.

Be a good example – Clearly, your teen cannot learn responsibility or the importance of refraining from unhealthy and self destructive behavior if you are engaging in these types of behaviors yourself.

Parenting a troubled teen is very tough, and can make everyone in the family feel as though the family itself is coming apart. During this troubled time, stand your ground, stay the course, and try to remember that this stage of your child’s life is temporary. Stay motivated by reminding yourself that the serious action you take now may very well help to steer your teen down a much better path then the one they are currently on.

By, Brandy Madison

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