Parenting My Teen

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How to Deal With Lazy Teenagers

By: Aurelia Category: Parenting A Teen

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Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to understand astrophysics than to understand teenagers. It’s like living with an alien, isn’t it?  Your little bundle of joy is now a lump on the couch with barely enough energy to move his fingers enough to play the video game in front of him, right?

Laziness in your teenager can be a symptom of many different things, most of which will be covered in later chapters. Apparent laziness can be a result of depression, drug use, or too many video games.  The results of laziness can be frustration for mom and dad and extra pounds and other health issues for your teen.

I’ll probably start sounding like a broken record soon, but I can’t say it often enough.   Lazy teenagers don’t respond to preaching and nagging; however, they do respond to being given choices.  They also respond to discomfort. If you make it uncomfortable for them to choose not to get chores done or do what you’ve asked them to do, by removing whatever privileges they hold dear, they’ll be a little more motivated to get things done.

In fact, you have a huge opportunity to engage your lazy teenager by encouraging physical activity together. Play basketball, join a softball team together, or coach a sport your teen is interested in. While these ideas may not work with every teen, you never know when an opportunity like that will give you both the time to get to know each other on a different level.

You also must consider placing limits on things like TV time, Internet surfing (non-school or non-research paper related, i.e., social networking sites, chat environments, etc.), and definitely on video games. Your teen should not have a computer or video games in his or her bedroom. Encourage your teen to be involved in a school sport or spend time as a volunteer doing charity work. Not only will your teen benefit from increased self-esteem, but the time spent away from video games, texting, and computers will help him or her learn to relate to people on a more human level.

Bert Yakichuk was a principal at a high school in Canada and has worked with teens for over 35 years. He has a bachelor’s degree in adolescent psychology and master’s degrees in educational administration and biochemistry, giving him a unique outlook on teenagers and the way their brains work. He has spent a great deal of time learning about adolescent brain development.

Yakichuk explains that teenagers use a different part of their brain to make decisions than adults do; it is because of this difference that teens feel they are invincible and indestructible, why they seek the surge of adrenaline in everything they do. Teens need to be entertained. Teens are capable, however, of learning to follow guidelines; you should not just set the guidelines, but you should also be willing to enforce them.

Communicate with your teens that you respect their individuality and that they have the power to choose how they will live their lives. At the same time, make sure they understand that living at home and being part of a family brings with it certain responsibilities, like treating each other with respect and participating in the function of the household (doing chores, helping with dinner, taking care of siblings). When they choose not to be a part of the family, they choose the resulting consequences as well (like a lack of freedom and privileges).

In addition to focusing on behavior, remember to focus on your teen’s health. Yakichuk believes there is a direct connection between teen behavior and teen health. Teens need more sleep and a better diet. Scientific studies have proven that teens that are sleep deprived have difficulties with sexual development, short-term memory, long-term forgetfulness, and inappropriate behavior. By focusing on addressing teen health issues, he believes many behavior issues might also be minimized.

Encourage your teen to choose healthy foods and make sure you provide healthy choices at home. Teach your teen about balance by living a balanced life yourself. If you exercise regularly, eat healthy foods, take breaks to relieve stress, and don’t overwork, your teen will pick up your good habits. If you overeat or turn to drugs or alcohol to relieve stress and live an unbalanced life, no amount of talking will undo the example you are setting.

All parents can benefit from a certified parent coach. Parent coaching is for parents and caregivers of children of all ages who seek to enrich the bond between themselves and their child(ren). In short, with the right coaching bond, you can improve the relationship that you have with your child and work on any concerns that you have in order to develop a healthy parent/child relationship.

No-Nonsense Parenting For Today’s Teenager – Learn how to feel like a good parent even when your teenager hates you. Also learn how get your disrespectful Teenager to LISTEN to what you say & RESPECT you as their parent while getting peace back in your home. Risk Free for 60 Days! No Obligation!”


7 Comments to “How to Deal With Lazy Teenagers”

  1. nelisa says:

    That pretty much sounds like my son. Itry to talk with him but can never get nothing out of him. My husband and him just cant talk because it turns into an arguement. I need some help.

  2. Nelisa, the word relate comes from the word relationship. Your husband must find something that he and your son has in common; something that they both relate to. Then your husband needs to feed that thing and their relationship will grow in that area and from there they will find that they also may have other things in common. We spend too much time on focusing on the differences and we tend to making the gap even wider. If your son likes vedio games, tell your husband to play with him so that your son will be willing to do some thing that your husband would want to do. Hope this helps!

  3. Aurelia says:

    Great tips Iris!

    My Name is Aurelia and I created this site here and I am so happy to see these comments.

    It is so important to bring ourselves to the teens level at times and connect with them. For instance… I am not a fan of ROCK music at all yet my 15yo (at the time) only listened to it. Most parents would holler “TURN THAT DOWN”. WEll, I used it as a time to learn something about my teen and connect with her. I had her play her favorite CD’s for me so that I could really understand what her “attraction” was to the music (that I once thought was just pure

    Turns out… I ended up taking her to a Rock concert for her birthday and she will tell you it was one of the best days of her life! Sometimes its just the small stuff that can help you (or anyone) relate to a teen/child.

    Dont forget to check out the guides I have over at and also sign up for the newsletter here (Top left of the screen)

  4. my kid is the laziest kid ever. at 18 he complains about soooo many aches and pains, being tired, etc. Got fired from job, I am sure for being LAZY!!! He was not doing the job up to par. He was mad, but secretly, I know he is lazy from the get go.
    It is difficult to get kids today away from the computer and cell phone, it is their entire being. We have to set so many limits around this. I work 2 jobs and am not as tired as this kid who plays on the computer all day. It is difficult to set limits with kids when you have so many responsiblities to respond to.
    We have tried the doing chores together, sometimes this is successful, sometimes not. We have done priase with the same success rates. We have done take aways. In the end, there is a lack of motivation when he is left to his own devices. His room…the worst pig hole ever!!!

  5. Thanks for the advice from all of you. My son is the same. Our situation is different though. I am a double organ transplant patient and he is downright dirty. He didn’t want to scoop the cat litter (which I am not allowed to do) and so the cats started peeing in his room. He didn’t see the issue with that and the smell didn’t bother him. I tried to explain that the house being dirty can’t be an option. I can’t afford professional cleaning and there are simply things I cannot do and that my husband helps with but he doesn’t have time either. Help. I don’t know what to do from here.

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  7. I remember that when I was a teen I didn’t feel I could relate to my parents. They seemed to strict, uncool, just didn’t understand me and weren’t with the times. My mom even admits that she should have let up on me and blames herself for me signing up for the Air Force in my senior year and splitting months after graduation. Actually I made a career out of it and retired after 20 years. I didn’t really develop a relationship with them until I was an adult and had some life under my belt. Unfortunately, my dad is gone and I can’t get time back. I hope though that you people are not being lazy parents. I knew my parents meant business and I didn’t try to circumvent them to badly (sis was another story). I will say this though, if you are harboring a lazy 18+ year old than it is now your problem. If they can’t hang with your rules pack their bags and change the lock. Let them get a dose of the real world. Parents have gone way to soft over the years. Kill your TV, Video games, Cell Phones, and computer. Don’t give them any freebees or privileges without working for them. That is how life really works anyway. Don’t let them grow up to be lazy Obama supporters that look for hand outs.


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