Parenting My Teen

As you may or may not know, I’m a youth leader in our church and we just found out that one of our 14 year old girls thinks she’s pregnant. This little girl’s parents are divorced and she lives with her grandparents. Her grandparents do not know about this yet.

Last night I had a chance to talk with her a little bit about it, though the conversation wasn’t as deep as I would have liked it to be. I asked her about the dad and he is her current boyfriend, who is also 14. I’m kind of in shock, but not completely. I also asked her what her thoughts are about this and her reply was, “It really didn’t hit me until just now”. Honestly I don’t think she really thinks about what she’s doing. I know, because of years of experience in youth ministry and in my own life experiences, that she is looking for love and there are some major family history issues at the root of this. When I was growing up, I too was looking for love, to be loved, by anyone, by any boy more specifically, therefore I soaked up any attention I got from the opposite sex which led to a life style of promiscuity in my later teen years. I can see this girl going down the exact same road as I. Oh how I don’t want her to take this road. And though I can and have talked to her about it, I think my words fall on deaf ears.

I didn’t specifically ask her “how this happened”, as in where and when, but it’s not surprising that it did. You see, even at youth group, at church, she is known for disappearing, even for just a minute or two, and she’s always found making out with a boy in some dark hallway or isolated room. My heart goes out to her because I know what she’s feeling. She thinks she’s feeling love, but in reality all she’s doing is digging a hole to a life of loneliness and emptiness.

Another youth leader and I prayed with her last night, but I could tell it really wasn’t sinking in, the depth of the issue. You see, the issue isn’t only that she might be pregnant, but that she thinks she has to give herself sexually to boys. She’s missing a deeper love, the love from her father. Her father is in her life somewhat, but he is remarried with 3 or 4 other small children from his new wife and a baby on the way. And her mom is barely in her life at all. I wish I could bring her home with me.

I guess I don’t really have a point to this post. I just wanted to get this out there. If you have a teen at home, just love them. They’re not perfect, they’re hormonal, they’re odd, they may have funny colored hair, funky piercings and weird tattoos, or they may dress preppy and only eat lettuce and run 5 times a day (I had a friend like that back in high school); no matter what they wear or how they look, they need to know they are loved; loved by mom and loved by dad. And I’m not saying her parents don’t love her, I don’t actually know. All I know is she is longing to be loved and looking for that love in all the wrong places.

What are your thoughts on this?