As parents we sometimes dread having to try and interact with our teenagers. This is because as parents we may feel unable to speak their language. The communication breakdowns we experience as our teens get older, may make us feel down on our
parenting skills. Do not get down on yourself, just keep your mind and ears open.

The Breakdown Begins

Parenting is hard no matter what your child’s age is. As your child matures you can not just say I love you sweetie anymore. At this point your teenager resists interaction. They may even roll their eyes and say “why do you have to be so embarrassing.” As you learn more on parenting your teenager you should keep in mind that even when they pull away they want and need that interaction. Some teenagers may start talking about things you may hate hearing or dread discussing. You may even be clueless about these topics, but listen and be attentive.

Listening and Hearing.

Okay, so how do you listen without just hearing. Remember when you were 16? Go back to that time and put yourself in your teenagers shoes. Try to set aside that you are their parent, and do not say things like, “when i was your age” “i was 16 once to you know” “been there done that” “i just want what is best for you”. Teenagers do not want to hear that. Also do not pry or try to make them offer more info then they already have given. Work with what they have already said. Take it all in. Hear them when they tell you how it is to be them. Do not always side with your teenager either. Try not to get to close. Stay at a distance and just be there for them. Try to see what they see, try to feel what they feel. That is how you hear them and not just listen to them.

Responding Without Judging.

This is really important because teenagers automatically assume you are angry with them. That you are being judgmental of them and do not trust them. As a parent you want what is best for your teenager want them to be safe, this may make you seem over protective. You may create a barrier bigger then the one that already exists. Try to take a step back and let them breath.. This may be hard as a parent but is necessary to maintain a good connection with your teenager.

Giving Praise.

Most teens want their parents praise. They may not say it out loud, but deep down they appreciate it. Teens want to be congratulated, they want their parents to notice them and their efforts. You may get the eye roll or the gosh, but that is just because they do not really want you to know that they are thankful you noticed. If you are not the type of parent who gives praise perhaps you should try it sometime.

You can give praise over the smallest things. An example would be your teen makes an artist creation. Though you are not into art and might not even understand it, ask them about it. Tell them you like it. They might respond “well you do not even know what it is, do you?” You can reply, “that is why I asked” followed by “I like it”. Again try to praise your teens even when it might not seem necessary.

Coming to a close.

As parents you rule with an iron fist. Not always but in teenagers eyes this is the case. When setting rules and talking about touchy subjects compromise. This may be strange and even hard for most parents, but trust me it is very necessary. I wish you the best of luck with your teens. Oh, and parents remember to trust, and release the reins even if you are scared to.

Written by Lilith Beemech

Real Life Guidance to Understanding Your Teen shows you how to accept what you can and cannot control in your teen’s life, how to cope with mood swings, keeping the lines of communication open.