Parenting My Teen

When I divorced my children’s father, two of them were tweens and the older two were in their young teenage years. It was easier to explain to the older two about the divorce than it was the younger two. While I say it was easier to explain it to them, that doesn’t mean they accepted it any easier than the younger ones did. It was still hard on them, and they still went through heck trying to understand why mommy and daddy weren’t going to be together any more.

My children, who are now in their adult years with the youngest one entering her senior year in high school, they’ve come to understand, over the years, the reasons we got divorced. They now see that I’m finally happily married to a great man, and we have a great marriage, something their father and I never had, though we were married 17 years. So, while it’s taken some time, my children have come a long way in understanding why their parents are no longer together.

Looking back now, as my children have grown through this experience, there were some really difficult things we all went through. One being when my 3^rd son, who was 10 at the time of our divorce, ran away to his father’s house when he was supposed to be spending time with me. Another really difficult time was when 3 of my 4 children told the family court counselor they wanted to live with their father rather than me (because he bribed them with expensive toys and such). Though those were really difficult, especially for me, it helped me realize how much my kids needed their father, though he made decisions and choices I don’t agree with, and lives a lifestyle completely different from mine and one that I didn’t want my kids growing up in.

If you’re going through divorce, whether you’re a mother or a father of teenagers, unless the other parent is completely unfit, abusive or neglectful, your children need to maintain a relationship with both of their parents if at all possible. We were all created with the need to be raised by a mother and a father, and both parents play a very important role in our child’s lives.

There will be anger toward one parent or the other, maybe both, but time can and usually does heal those wounds, especially as your children get older. The best thing to do is to encourage your child to maintain their relationship with both of you as best as possible and to never talk bad about the other parent in front of your kids. They don’t need to hear you bash your ex because this will just cause them to get ill feelings for not only your ex, but towards you as well.

If you see that your teen is not dealing with the divorce well at all, you should consider counseling for them, as well as for yourself so that you can better help them deal with it. There are professional counselors as well as non-profit counselors who deal specifically with divorce and you can probably find one in your area by using Google or your favorite search engine.

No matter what stage of divorce you’re in right now, whether you’re in the beginning stages or have been divorced for a long time, if you suspect your teen is not handling it well, get help now. It’s never too late.

For more tips see: Honest Parenting is truly helpful information that is easy to understand and absolutely works to help you build (or RE-build) a positive, pleasant, and productive relationship with your child or teen.