By Kim Fredrickson

A crucial part of parenting teenagers is developing the ability to tell yourself encouraging statements about yourself and your teenager. Repeat these statements to yourself everyday.

It’s OK, this is a stage of his growth.

Take a deep breath, slow down, you can do this.

God, please give me your strength, your compassion, your perspective, your love and acceptance for my teen.

Remember, he/she needs to push away from me in order to gain her own sense of self.

This feels so personal, but it’s not — In order to separate, he needs to separate from me. When it happens, it isn’t smooth.

Him taking time in his room is most likely his way of thinking through all that’s going on inside. It’s not a rejection of me.

I will still make attempts to connect, even if they are rebuffed. They are going in, even if I can’t see it now.

My teen is going through a lot — stress, changes, pain, and confusion. I need to notice this and have it count, not dismiss it and expect her to be OK even if her world is falling apart (or shaken, changing, etc).

It’s OK if I don’t understand everything, or know what to do. I am learning too.

My teen and I are worth the effort, and so is our relationship.

I’m on the right road. Keep going. I don’t have to do this alone. I’ll call a friend for a listening ear and prayer.

God will bless my efforts as I lean on Him for strength, courage and understanding.

He/She will eventually become an adult, with brighter times ahead.

As hard as this is, God is using it to grow me up on the inside.

Remember, my teen’s brain is not fully developed. His ability to think through things, plan, and delay his impulses isn’t mature yet — but it will be eventually!

Remember to keep the big picture in mind — my long-term relationship with my teen. I want him/her to visit me in the future — grandkids — good relationship.

It’s my job to keep myself under control emotionally, even if my teen is out of control — remember, one of us has to be an adult — it’s me!

It’s OK to give myself time to think through how I want to handle this — I’ll get back to him later about consequences.

Kim Fredrickson, M.S., Marriage and Family Therapist (CA MFC 22635) and Life, Parent, and Relationship Coach is the author of many popular CD’s and articles that will help you build Encouraging Relationships in your life. To learn more about Kim and sign up for more FREE Relationships Tips, visit her site at http://www.EncouragingRelationships.com. You can also visit her newest site at http://www.kimfredrickson.com.